


Lost in the Memory

by Some1FoundMe



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternative Universe - No Arrow, Alternative Universe - No Island, F/F, F/M, Memory Loss, Military, Slow Burn, just keep reading, mentions of abuse, olicity au, please, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 80,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9901856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Some1FoundMe/pseuds/Some1FoundMe
Summary: Oliver Queen returns to his home in Star City after a five year tour overseas, much to the delight of his friends and family.  There’s just one small problem.  The injury that effectively ended his military career also erased a part of his memory.  As he struggles to put together the missing pieces of his past, his connection to his best friend’s little sister becomes something he can’t avoid.  Who is Felicity Merlyn and why can’t he seem to stay away from her?  Olicity AU, no Arrow, no island.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of things. First, I didn’t mean to start another AU. Not at all. But this is an adaptation of an original work that I wrote ages ago and once the idea got a hold of me, I couldn’t stop. The good news is this fic is finished. I’ll be posting twice a week, Monday and Thursday like clockwork, until all twenty-six chapters are up. Second thing, I’m going to dig back into Mark and the Angel and An Arrow Thru It now that I’m finished with this. Honestly, I don’t know which one I’ll focus on first. I’d love to say that I will be working on them both at once but I can’t promise that. Lastly, as always, a HUGE thank you to my beta westernbeauty. She is truly incredible and the best support / cheerleader that I could ask for. I look forward to hearing from all of you, lovely readers, so please leave a review!

**Chapter One**

_“Run, Ollie, run!”_

_Oliver laughed as he raced down Crescent Hill with Felicity slung across his back.  Her unruly blonde curls trailed on the wind, billowing like a cape behind her._

_“Ollie, slow down!” Tommy called as he chased after them._

_But Oliver ignored his friend’s warning.  Felicity giggled uncontrollably, the sound like a melody as it rang in his ears.  He galloped down the steep incline, whinnying like a horse and making his rider laugh harder._

_“Charge!”_

The bell above the door tinkled, signaling the arrival of new patrons, pulling Felicity from the memory, and she called out without looking up.

“Welcome to Verdant.  Grab a seat and I’ll be right with you.”

She finished wiping down the bar, stacking clean glasses on the lower shelf before she straightened and looked around.  They were pretty steady for a Friday night, nearly every table in the place was occupied, and Felicity searched for the new arrivals.

“Okay, who’s the hottie that just walked in?”

Felicity turned and shook her head, a grin lighting up her face.  She didn’t know who Iris was referring to but she wasn’t shocked by the comment.  Her friend-slash-bartender was determined to find a man for her.  According to Iris, every woman needed a man like Barry Allen in her life.

Without replying to Iris’ inquiry, she turned to scan the dining room.  When her eyes landed on the door, she was surprised to find Moira Queen standing just inside the threshold, her wide eyes fixed on Felicity.  It took a long moment for her to realize that Moira hadn’t come alone and she forced her gaze to the man beside her.

The noise that escaped Felicity’s lips sounded as painful as it felt, drawing the attention of the couple sitting closest to her at the bar.

“Felicity?  What is it?”

John and Lyla Diggle had been her friends for as long as she could remember.  They’d been regular customers at Verdant since her parents had opened the place years earlier.  Lyla had even babysat Felicity as a child.

She couldn’t find her voice quickly enough to give him an answer.  Instead, she found herself moving silently through the room, her feet carrying her toward the man who had just walked back into her life.

“Ol – Oliver?” she whispered, tears brimming in her eyes and she stepped into him.

“Felicity, wait –“

Oliver Queen stood in the circle of her arms, every muscle in his body stiff with tension.  She took a step back, panic and confusion clouding her already muddled mind.

“I’m sorry, it’s – I –“

The sad smile on Moira’s face caused a tiny fracture to form in Felicity’s heart.  Oliver stood beside his mother, staring down at her with a confusion that echoed within her ten-fold.  He looked older than he had the last time that she’d laid eyes on him but so much about his appearance was exactly the same.  His six-foot-two frame was nothing but well toned muscle, his skin darkened by the sun.  The bright eyes that she often dreamed about burned as he watched her.  It was clear that he was waiting for her to say something.

She was spared the trouble, however, when Moira’s hand came to rest on his forearm.

“Oliver, dear, this is Felicity Merlyn.  She’s grown up here in Starling City, as well.  You were friends with her brother, Tommy.  You remember Tommy Merlyn, right?”

Recognition flashed in his eyes.

“He was my best friend, Mom.  Of course I remember.”

Moira looked to Felicity, keeping her voice even, and asked, “But you don’t remember Felicity?”

He shook his head, his eyes never leaving her face, and she felt the fracture turn into a fissure.  She suddenly couldn’t breathe.

“Why don’t you go and find us a table, dear?” Moira prompted, “I need a word with Felicity.”

Oliver nodded and lifted his hand to her in a stilted wave.

“It was nice to meet you, Felicity.  Again.”

She allowed herself to watch him as he made his way to a booth at the back of the room before turning to Moira.  The confusion she felt morphed quickly into panic.  She shook her head, unable to fully believe what she’d just experience.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” his mother said, reaching for her hand, “We should’ve told you sooner.  He appeared on our doorstep two days ago and Robert and I we – well we were stunned.  We had no idea what to do or why he was home.  Robert made a call to his commanding office.”  


She grasped Moira’s fingers tightly.

“He – he doesn’t know who I am?  He didn’t even know my name.  I – Oliver’s been away for five years and now… I have known that man for my entire life and he has no idea who I am?”

The flood of emotions that she felt threatened to overwhelm her.  A lump had formed in her throat, her chest tightening, but she fought to keep her tears at bay.  She felt a dozen sets of eyes on her back and the idea of having an audience when she finally fell apart made her stomach turn.

“There are quite a few things that Oliver doesn’t remember,” Moira explained, “Felicity, he has selective amnesia.”

“I’m sorry?  He has – he what?”

Disbelief slammed into her like a freight train.  She cast a glance to the booth where he sat reading a menu.

“His memories are distorted, fragmented.  He remembers Robert and I but not the manor.  We’ve lived in that house since the day that he was born yet he couldn’t find his way to his bedroom when he returned home.  The doctors that we’ve spoken to have attributed the amnesia to a traumatic brain injury that he sustained a few months ago.  They haven’t been able to tell us when or if his memories will come back.”

Felicity swallowed hard and fought against the tears clawing their way up her throat.

“I’m sorry.  I know this must be awful for you, too, and I’m being incredibly selfish right now,” she muttered, “He – he’s okay otherwise, right?  Physically, I mean?  You said that he was injured?”

Moira took Felicity’s face between her hands.

“Felicity, honey, you have every right to be upset by this.  Oliver is your –“

She pulled away and shook her head.

“No, I – no.  Please don’t.  He has no idea who I am.”

Moira pulled Felicity into her arms and she let a minimal number of tears slip free.  She had waited five long years for Oliver to come home to her.  She had dreamed of the moment they’d meet again, she’d imagined a hundred times over what it would feel like to be in his arms again.  But this scenario wasn’t a dream.  It was a nightmare.  Her worst nightmare.  She couldn’t imagine anything more painful.

“He isn’t dead, sweetheart.”

Felicity sighed.  She hadn’t meant to say any of it aloud.  She withdrew from his mother, crossing her arms over her chest and casting her eyes to the floor.

“I know.  I know.  We have to be thankful for that.”

Moira took her hand again and squeezed reassuringly.

“I’m going to join him before he gets antsy and comes back over here.”

She nodded and watched as Moira made her way across the dining room to her son.  And she wasn’t the only one.  It seemed that most of the patrons in Verdant had witnessed the exchange between herself and the Queen matriarch and were now eyeing Oliver curiously.

Felicity cast a glance around the room, leveling a glare at some of her usual customers, most of whom had fallen silent.  Her look did the trick as the room suddenly erupted with the sounds of idle chatter.  She stepped back behind the bar, swiping her fingers below her eyes to clear the last of her tears.

“Oliver’s back,” John stated, his dark eyes studying her seriously.

Felicity nodded, “He is.”

“You don’t seem too happy about that.  What was that all about, Felicity?  With Mrs. Queen?”

She forced a smile to her face and attempted to keep her composure.

“It was nothing.  And of course I’m happy.  I couldn’t be happier.  These are happy tears.”

The look on her friend’s face let her know that he didn’t believe her for a minute but Felicity didn’t have time to explain.  She was working.  She was busy.  She didn’t have time for another breakdown.

Taking a steadying breath she braced herself and crossed to the table that Oliver and his mother occupied.

“Are you ready to order?”

Moira’s eyes conveyed her concern as she looked up from her menu.  Felicity was grateful that she chose not to comment, instead ordering one of the staples that Sara – Felicity’s chef and best friend - had perfected over the years.  She turned to Oliver.

“And for you?”

He stared at her for a long moment. 

“What’s wrong, dear?” Moira asked when he’d yet to order.

He shook his head, tearing his eyes from Felicity and glancing at his mother.  He smiled.

“Nothing.  I was just –“he turned back to her, “We were friends, weren’t we?”

Felicity felt her cheeks heat.

“You could say that.  We’ve – we’ve known each other for a long time.  You and Tommy were friends before I was even born.”

He continued to study her as if taking in every inch of her face would somehow jog his memory of her.  And maybe it could but she couldn’t take the way that his eyes made her feel.  Not now.  Her control was already slipping.

She cleared her throat.

“What can I get you, Oliver?”

He ordered a cheeseburger with a side of fries.

“Hold the pickles and an Arrow IPA, right?”

He sat back in the booth and a small smile tugged at his lips.  He nodded.

“I guess we really were friends.”

She flushed again, her eyes falling to the order pad that she clutched in her hand.  She didn’t need to write any of it down.

“I’ll – I’ll have this out to you soon.”

Keeping her head down, Felicity wove her way through the tables and took refuge in the kitchen.  When the swinging door had settled behind her, she buried her face in her hands and let out a single sob.

For so long everything that she had done, she’d done knowing that he would come back to her.  She had moved through her day to day life carrying with her the knowledge that Oliver would be back.  That she wouldn’t always be alone.  She had waited patiently for the day that he would come back home to Star City and breathe life back into her world.  And of all of the awful things that she had imagined happening to him, amnesia hadn’t been something she’d thought to fear.  Death and life-changing injuries, those were the things that she’d been worried about.  Felicity couldn’t decide what was worse.  Of course she was relieved that he was alive, that he’d returned relatively unscathed.  But he had no memory of her.  Of what she’d been to him.  It was as if she didn’t exist in Oliver’s world anymore.

“Felicity?  What happened?  What’s wrong?”

She hadn’t heard Sara come back into the kitchen.  She’d been outside talking to Nyssa when Felicity had taken shelter there.  Her friend stood before her, her bright blue eyes clouded with worry, and Felicity almost flung herself into Sara’s arms.  Until the sound of a little girl’s voice – a voice that she lived with every day – cut through her like a knife.

She stared at Sara wide-eyed, holding her breath until –

“Uncle Ollie?”

She gasped and spun on her heel, darting back into the dining room.

“Thea, wait!” she called.

But she was too late.  Thea was only a couple a couple of feet from the table, her little face lit up like a Christmas tree at the sight of Oliver and Moira.

Felicity moved unconsciously toward them, her hands already reaching for her little girl.

“Thea, baby, come here,” she urged, praying that she would, for once in her eleven year existence, listen.  But it was too much to hope for.

“Uncle Ollie!”

Thea practically launched herself into the booth beside him and looped her arms around his neck.  Oliver stilled for half a second before enveloping her small frame in his muscular arms.  Fresh tears burned in Felicity’s eyes and she blinked them away.  She stepped closer to the table.

Oliver moved Thea until she was sitting tucked against his side.  He ruffled her dark hair playfully and grinned at her.

“Wow!  You’ve gotten so tall!” he teased, “How old are you now, like thirty?”

Thea rolled her eyes, smiling broadly.

“I’m just eleven.”

He shook his head.

“Just eleven, huh?  Well you look just like your dad, do you know that?  He had that same dark hair and I know I’ve seen that nose before,” Oliver told her, making her blush.

Felicity felt lightheaded.  He remembered Thea.  Thea who had only been six years old when he’d gone away.  She felt her knees grow weak.

“Honey, why don’t you sit for a minute?”

It took longer than it should have for her to realize that Moira’s words were directed at her.  She stumbled forward and slid into the booth beside her.

“You – you remember her,” she muttered, dumbfounded.

Oliver shrugged, “Tommy talked about her all the time.  He always had her picture on him.  Are you still playing softball?  Your dad and I played baseball when we were your age.”

Thea’s grin brightened.

“I’m on second base,” she told him proudly.

“Yeah?  That’s awesome!  Have you ever been to a Red Sox game?”

She shook her head, “Not yet!  But Aunt Felicity said she’s going to take me next season if I do good in school this year.”

Oliver looked between Thea and Felicity.

“She looks a little like you, too,” he observed, “But you and Tommy… you don’t look anything alike.  You look like your mom.”

She blinked, her heart suddenly galloping against her ribs.

“You remember my mom?”

Oliver shook his head slowly.

“No, I – not exactly.  It’s just something I think Tommy said when Thea was born.”

Felicity looked away and tried to grasp desperately for her control as it frayed.  Oliver had actually been the one to note Thea’s resemblance to Felicity.  She had only been a baby then but it was clear that she’d be small, slim and short.  She’d definitely inherited the Smoak cheekbones, too.  And Felicity couldn’t deny the similarities in their personalities.

She slid out of the booth and cleared her throat.

“Thea, why don’t you go sit with Lyla and John and I’ll have Sara make you a grilled cheese before we head home?  Let’s leave Uncle Ollie and Gram Moira to their dinner.”

Her niece stuck out her bottom lip in a pout.

“Aunt Nyssa already made me dinner at her house,” she countered, “Why can’t I stay here?”

She batted long, dark eyelashes at Oliver’s mom and Felicity knew that there was no point in starting a war she’d never win.  Moira smiled at her gently.

“It’s alright.  I’ll keep an eye on her.”

She nodded, backing away from the table.

“Okay.  Well… someone will be over with your order in just a minute.”

It was difficult to ignore the looks and quiet whispers that followed her back through the room on her way to the kitchen.  She heard mentions of her brother’s name, her mother’s too, and that fissure in her heart began to spread, to deepen into an impossibly large canyon.  She had already lost too many people in her life and Felicity couldn’t help but wonder if she’d lost Oliver, too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of two notes. Thank you to everyone who took a moment to read the first chapter of this. The response really blew me away. I will try to reply to all of the comments as soon as I can. I hope you enjoy the second installment and I’ll see you all again on Thursday! See the end for note number two.

 

**Chapter Two**

She stumbled through her front door, her body weighed down by fatigue, and went straight to the sofa.  Thea skipped into the house behind her, discarding her shoes and coat in the entryway before bounding up the stairs.  Felicity sighed and settled into the couch cushions.  She didn’t bother calling Thea back down to pick up her belongings.

By the time she and Sara and Iris had served the last customer and closed down Verdant for the night, Oliver and Moira had been long gone.  Thea had sat in the booth they’d vacated, working on her homework while she’d waited and had talked incessantly on the short drive home.  It was a trait that they shared, the need to ramble on and on, and Felicity hadn’t been surprised that Oliver had been the sole topic of conversation.  She had smiled and nodded along, interjecting a random thought here and there, but by the time they’d pulled into the driveway, Felicity was at the end of her rope.  She needed a little bit of peace and quiet.  She loved Thea dearly but she wasn’t ashamed to admit that being the solitary caregiver of an energetic eleven year old wasn’t what Felicity had wanted for herself at twenty-six.

The couch shifted beneath her as Thea threw herself down on it.

“Aunt Felicity, can I have a snack?”

Felicity snorted.  It was almost midnight.

“Not a chance, kiddo.  It’s way past your bedtime.  Get into your PJs and brush your teeth please.  Then bed.”

Thea sighed but didn’t argue.  When she heard the water shut off in the bathroom sink, Felicity closed her eyes again and rested her head on the back of the sofa.

The pounding ache behind her eyes had been persistent all night.  To say that her day had been stressful would be putting it lightly.  It would have been a relief to lock herself away in the sanctuary of her bedroom, curl up in the center of her bed and sleep through the next forty-eight hours.  And that is exactly what she would’ve done if the thought of spending yet another night alone in her bed didn’t cause pain to wind its way around her already broken heart. 

In the five years that Oliver had been away, she’d had warring emotions where her bedroom was concerned.  She had felt grief, sharp and lingering, every time that she let herself think about the empty space beside her.  That vast expanse of mattress that was cold without Oliver there to fill it.  And there were other times when she found comfort in that room, in the space that they’d shared, a place where so many of their memories lived.  Tonight, she knew, it would be grief that met her at the door.

With a soft sigh, Felicity stood and headed for the fireplace, to the mantle that was crowded with dozens of photos.  Dozens of moments that she never wanted to forget captured on film.  Most every frame held an image focused on the same four subjects.  Tommy and Laurel, Oliver and Felicity.  The photos told the story of their lives, their relationships, as they’d grown from children, to teenagers, to adults.  There were a small handful of photos that included Sara or a very tiny Thea, but Felicity had kept the mantle as a sort of shrine to the people that she had loved most in the world.

She reached for the largest frame and examined the smiling faces beneath the glass.

_“Lis, would you hurry up already?  We’re going to be late!”_

_Felicity inspected her reflection in the mirror and adjusted her hair for what felt like the millionth time.  Nervous butterflies beat rapidly in her stomach._

_“I’m coming!” she called back._

_She flipped off the light as she stepped out of the bathroom and met her sister-in-law at the top of the stairs.  Laurel smiled brightly._

_“Well?” Felicity asked._

_She tugged at the hem of the short plum colored dress anxiously._

_“You look beautiful, Lis,” Laurel assured her, “Oliver isn’t going to know what hit him.”_

_Heat flooded her cheeks at Laurel’s praise.  She had picked the dress for him specifically and she hoped desperately that he liked it.  She wanted him to love it._

_Laurel held out her hand and Felicity grasped it tightly._

_“What time is it anyway?” she asked._

_Laurel laughed, “I have no idea, you were just taking too long!”_

The harsh ring of her cellphone startled her back into the present and she nearly dropped the photo.  She set it back carefully among the others before rummaging in her bag for her phone.

“Hello?” she answered quietly, aware that Thea was most likely asleep.

“Felicity?”

“Yes?  Who is this?  Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Her eyes flickered to the clock.  Almost an hour had passed since she’d sent Thea to bed.

“I know, honey, I’m sorry.  It’s Doc Hawkins.  Felicity, your father’s here.  He’s had more than a few too many.  I can’t let him drive like this but we don’t close for a couple of hours or I’d drive him myself.  Think you can come and get him?”

Felicity bit her lip to stop the expletive laced reply that wanted to escape.  She should have known.  Doc owned a small late-night diner on the other side of town.  It was one of the places that her father frequented after a binge.

She sighed, “Sure, Doc, I’ll be there.  It’ll take me a few minutes to get Thea in the car but I’ll be there.”

“Thanks, honey.  I’m sorry to do this to you again.”

She threw her phone into her purse and shoved her hands into her hair.  She’d lost count of all the times that she’d had to be her father’s DD, of all the times that she’d had to drag a sleepy Thea across town because her father was too drunk to drive and too much of an asshole to let anyone else help him.

Fifteen minutes later Felicity carried Thea to her truck and loaded her into the backseat.  As she backed out of the drive, she cranked the heat and willed her teeth to stop chattering.

“Where are we going?” Thea mumbled.

She glanced in her rearview mirror and wasn’t surprised to find her niece with her eyes closed and bundled into her heavy winter coat.  Her bright pink hat and scarf contrasted sharply with the dark gray wool.

“We have to go and pick up Papa,” she explained.

Thea didn’t respond and Felicity didn’t need to check to know that she’d fallen asleep again.  They’d been here before and they both knew that they’d be there again.

Pulling up in front of Doc’s place, she threw the truck in park and ran inside.

“Hey, honey,” Doc called as she came in, “He’s down there on the end.”

Malcolm Merlyn sat at the far end of the counter, the stools around him empty, with a cup of what she could only hope was coffee clutched between his hands.  She strode determinedly toward him.  She was conditioned for a confrontation when facing her inebriated father.  It certainly wasn’t a pleasant experience but it was one that she was all too familiar with.

“Hey dad,” she said quietly, with a patience she reserved only for him, “Do you need a ride home?”

The look that he gave her could only be described as scathing.  She sighed.

“I can drive myself home,” he snapped, his words slurred.

Embarrassment colored her cheeks.  It was late but that didn’t mean that the dining room at Doc’s was empty.  She took a slow breath and braced herself for more of a fight.

“Dad, please… Thea and I came all the way out here to get you, the least you could do is let me drive you home.”

“I don’t recall asking you to come and get me.  I don’t need a damn ride!”

Felicity flinched.  She was aware of the gawking.  She’d felt it at Verdant and she certainly felt it now.  Her father was making a scene, again, and a part of her was tempted to let him find his own way home.  She could ask Doc to call the police the moment he pulled out of the parking lot and let him suffer for his own poor decisions.  But there was no way that she could, that she would.  She owed it to her father, to Tommy and to their mother, to take care of their family.  What was left of it.

“Dad, if you don’t leave with me right now, Doc is going to call Sheriff Diggle to come and get you,” she threatened, “Is that what you want?  To spend another night locked up?”

He huffed indignantly and shoved to his feet, swaying the moment his legs were all that was supporting him.

“Then I’ll drive myself.”

Felicity opened her mouth to let him know exactly what she thought of that decision when Doc spoke over her shoulder.

“Damn it, Malcolm, give your girl a break.  Let her take you home. “

Her father’s gaze swung between the two of them before he finally gave up.  Felicity watched his shoulders sag, watching him sway just a little for the second time, and then he was turning toward the door.  He threw his hands up and mumbled something that she couldn’t hear.  She gave Doc a quick nod before hurrying after him.

They settled into the truck in silence.  It wasn’t until she was turning out of the parking lot onto Route 22 that her father decided to speak up.

“I heard that Oliver came home,” he muttered, “Moira had the gall to bring him to the house today.  Said he wanted to pay his respects after what happened to Tommy.  Did you know that he was coming back here?”

She cast a quick glance in his direction and found him glaring at her.  Her hackles rose and she clutched the steering wheel tightly.

“Dad, Oliver’s life is here.  His family, his friends, everything that he had before he enlisted in the service is here in Star City.  It makes perfect sense that he’d come home eventually.”

It was clear that he hadn’t grasped the extent of Oliver’s injuries.  He didn’t know about the amnesia.

“That bastard killed your brother, Felicity!  I don’t care who or what he was to you before Tommy died, he –“

“Dad!  You and I both know that Oliver _did not_ kill Tommy!”

They’d enlisted in the service at the same time, right out of high school.  It had been Tommy’s dream, really, all he’d ever talked about doing after graduation, but her father had needed someone to blame.  He’d needed someone to take his grief out on.  That honor had fallen on Oliver.  And when Oliver hadn’t been able to return to Star City for Tommy’s funeral, his absence had only added fuel to the blazing fire of her father’s ire. 

“He was there!” her father shouted, “He was there and he was supposed to watch out for him.   They were _brothers._ Brothers protect one another.  I never should’ve let him go.”

Felicity turned down the narrow road that led to her family home.  It had been years since she’d stepped inside.  Her father didn’t ask her in on the nights that she drove him home and she had no desire to invite herself over.  That house hadn’t been her home in a long time.  Before Tommy died, before her mom, she had loved the big house where she’d been raised.  Now, she thought of it as a tomb. 

She pulled into the drive, getting as close to the main entrance as she dared, and threw the truck into park.

“You know damn well that you couldn’t have stopped Tommy, even if you  _had_ tried.  He knew what he was signing up for.  He wanted to be a part of something.  He wanted to make a difference.  And you know that Oliver loved Tommy.  They  _were_ brothers.  And losing him was as hard on Oliver as it was on all of us.  But at least you had me and Thea.  Oliver was alone over there, Dad,” Felicity reminded him, “So for god’s sake, please stop trying to convince everyone that he had something to do with Tommy’s death.  No one believes you anyway.”

Her father shoved open the door, letting in a blast of frigid air, and slid off of the seat.  His boots crunched in the packed snow that covered the driveway.

“Not only did he get my son killed, he’s got my daughter so hung up on him that she can’t see what a monster he is.”

The door slammed shut and Felicity watched him round the truck and disappear inside.

She took a slow, deep breath before backing out onto the road and heading home.  She cut through the neighborhood, shaving a couple of minutes off of her drive, and focused on the road.  The exhaustion that she’d felt earlier in the night hit her again like a gale force wind, taking every ounce of energy that she had left and leaving her brain foggy.  She wanted to sleep.  Badly.  But she was only a few blocks from home when she spotted him.  He was standing on the sidewalk at the corner of Bleaker and Elm, his arms crossed over his chest, his breath ghosting on every exhale.

Felicity slowed to a stop beside him and rolled down the passenger side window.

“Hey, um, Oliver?  Are you – are you okay?  Do you need a ride?”

He stood motionless for a few too many heartbeats, staring at her blankly, before something clicked and he stepped up to the truck.

“Felicity.  Thank god.”

He wrenched open the door and climbed into the seat that her father had recently vacated.  She noticed his clothes – a pair of sweats and a damp Henley – as well as the color in his cheeks.

He was shivering.

“You were out running?  At this hour?” she asked, turning the heat up as high as it would go while angling all of the vents in his direction.

He shrugged, “I’m still on Baghdad time, apparently.  I don’t sleep well during the night.”

She watched as he rubbed his hands together and blew on his fingers to get them warm again.  Her eyes traveled over him, taking in all of the features that she had missed for the last five years.  His sweat-soaked shirt clung to the sculpted muscles of his chest and arms and Felicity’s fingers flexed.  She kept them wrapped firmly around the wheel.  The pain that she’d kept locked up in a little box buried deep inside of her threatened to erupt.

“Felicity.  You’re staring.”

Her eyes flew to his face and she flushed.

“I – I’m sorry,” she stuttered, “Are you… did you get lost?”

It was his turn to flush, the color in his cheeks deepening, and he ducked his head.

“They all look the same.  The houses.  I just got a little turned around.  I – It’s been a while.”

She nodded, “Right.  Five years.”

Questions lit up his eyes and she immediately wished that she could take the words back.

“How did you –“

“Tommy,” she rushed, “Tommy’s last deployment date was five years ago last month.  You left together.”

“Right.  Tommy… Felicity, listen, I’m sorry.  I didn’t get a chance to say anything earlier.  He was my best friend.  I’m so sorry that he’s gone.  I wanted to tell you that.  At Verdant.  But my mom didn’t think that it was a good idea.  You were upset when you saw me.  Was it because – because I’m here and he’s not?”

Her heart felt as if it were splintering.  He had no idea.  No recollection of her, of their friendship.  The words that he spoke, his apology, he might as well have been talking to a stranger.  There wasn’t a single part of him that recognized her as anything other than his best friend’s little sister. 

“It wasn’t my intention to hurt you,” he continued, “The fact that I don’t remember you probably isn’t helping, right?  Tommy and I were so close.  I – I have all of these memories of him but… This whole amnesia thing is really fucking everything up.  People see me and they expect me to know them, to remember, but then I can’t place them and I feel like an asshole.  My cousin Nyssa?  She came by the house to see me today.  I had no clue who she was.  As you can imagine, she wasn’t exactly happy about it.”

Felicity snorted, “Yeah, I bet.  You two have always been really close.  She’s a friend of mine, actually.”

“I know, trust me, she made sure that I knew.  Everyone has been talking about you.  My parents are really worried.”

Tears blurred her vision and she forced herself to look away.  She didn’t want to fall apart, not again.  He was struggling, that much was obvious, but everyone they knew seemed to be more worried about her.  It wasn’t fair.  He needed them as much as she did, maybe more, and her guilt at taking that attention from him only served to heighten her already tumultuous emotional state.

“Do you – do you have custody of her?  Of Thea?” he asked, his eyes falling on her niece where she slept in the backseat. 

She was thankful for the change of subject.

Nodding, she said, “Since Tommy died.  But she lived with me before.  While the two of you were overseas.”

“What about her mom?” he asked, then, looking sheepish, he added, “I’m sorry.  I have no right to ask.”

She sighed, dragging her fingers through her hair, and tried to give him a genuine smile.

“Thea is your goddaughter, Oliver.  If there’s anything you want to know, just ask.  And her mom, Laurel, she died.  About six years ago.”

Her gaze went to the little girl with the dark curls sleeping soundly behind them.

“Did I know her?”

“You did.  She was your friend.  Laurel went to school with you and Tommy.  Her little sister, Sara, works with me at Verdant.”

“How did it happen?”

The next breath that she took got stuck in her throat.  She’d never managed to talk about the accident without crying.  Today would be no different.

“There was an accident.  Laurel and my mom were driving home from a weekend trip to Boston.  It had started snowing right after they’d left and they – they slid off the road and into an embankment.  My mom, she died at the scene.  Laurel died a few days later, in the hospital.”

Her voice cracked as she spoke.  She couldn’t control it, couldn’t keep her hands from trembling or her tears from falling.  When Oliver unbuckled her seatbelt and pulled her into his arms, she went willingly.  She collapsed against him and choked on a sob.  
“I’m sorry, Felicity.  I remember your mom.  Donna was… she was great.  Bright and always so happy.  Was I here?  When it happened?”

She nodded, unable and unwilling to speak.

“I don’t remember,” he confessed quietly.

Felicity moved away, settling into her seat and putting much needed distance between them.  She wiped her face with her gloved hands and cast another quick glance at Thea.  She was glad they hadn’t woken her.

“There are… there are a lot of things that I wish you could remember, things that you need to remember, Oliver.  But the accident that took away two people that I loved?  Be thankful that you don’t remember because that is one day of my life that I wish that I could forget.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to clear up some confusion from chapter one. Felicity and Tommy are brother and sister, Donna and Malcolm are their parents. They’re not half or step siblings. I had to take liberties with that in order to make the story work the way I wanted it to. The only other familial relationship that I changed is Thea’s, obviously. She is Tommy and Laurel’s daughter rather than being Tommy and Oliver’s half-sister. Did that help? I hope so. And everything about Oliver and Felicity will become clear as the story continues. Enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say, again, a huge thank you to all of you for reading! You’re response to this continues to overwhelm me. I’m hoping this chapter provides some of the answers that you’ve been looking for. Also, massive thank you to my beta westernbeauty. Cerian, you’re the best!

**Chapter Three**

Felicity woke the next morning to the sound of Thea knocking on her bedroom door.  She groaned and pressed her face into her pillow.

“Aunt Felicity!  Gramma Moira is here!”

The knocking continued – Thea was known for her persistence – and Felicity finally relented.  It was clear that she wouldn’t be going back to sleep any time soon.

She sat up and scrubbed at her tired eyes.  Dull sunlight seeped in through the blinds, falling across the empty bed beside her.  Felicity stared at Oliver’s side of the mattress and tried to remember exactly what she’d been dreaming about.  There was no doubt that he’d taken over her subconscious.  She had been dreaming of him, she was sure of that much, but she couldn’t remember any of the details.  She rubbed at the ache in her chest as Thea knocked again.

“I’m up, I’m up!  I’ll be down in just a minute.”

Stumbling out of bed, Felicity slipped on a pair of well-loved flannel pajama pants before tugging an oversized sweatshirt over her head.  She didn’t bother to brush her hair.  Moira had seen her at her worst and the woman was taking a chance in waking Felicity up early on a Saturday.  She couldn’t expect to be anywhere near put together.

She found Oliver’s mother in the living room.  Thea sat on the sofa, curled up under her favorite blanket, watching cartoons.  Moira stood in front of the fireplace.  She was looking over the collection of photos just as Felicity had the night before.  Her fingers ghosted over one of the frames before she dropped her hand to her side.  She turned and met her gaze, taking in her attire without comment.

“Good morning, Felicity,” she said evenly, “I’m sorry I woke you.  I thought you’d be up by now.”

The clock on the wall told her that it was a little after ten.  Her only excuse was that the night had been long but she didn’t bother explaining that to Moira.

“Thea, honey, do you want some breakfast?” she asked instead, “Pancakes or waffles?”

Her niece didn’t look away from the television as she replied, “Can we have chocolate chip waffles?”

“Sure, babe.  Stay here and watch your cartoons.  Gramma Moira and I are going to talk in the kitchen while I make breakfast.”

Felicity headed into the kitchen, knowing that Moira would follow.  She had an idea as to why Oliver’s mother was interrupting her morning off.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

The answer was Oliver, she knew that.  She’d taken him home the night before after telling him about her mother and Laurel.  He’d been upset, agitated even, but not with her.  With himself.  Because he couldn’t remember.  Amnesia was frustrating apparently.

“Oliver needs time, Felicity,” Moira began, taking a seat at the island as Felicity moved around the room, “Having so much information unloaded on him at once isn’t healthy.”

She sighed, “I understand that, I do, and I’m sorry that what I said upset him.  But I won’t lie to him.  He asked me about my mom, about Laurel, and all I did was tell him the truth.  You know that I can’t lie to Oliver.”

“I know that you and Oliver have always been very honest with one another, that honesty is a very important foundation of your relationship, but I cannot be an advocate for that right now.  Not in this situation.  He’s asking a lot of questions about you and Thea.  Robert and I have tried to curtail the information that he’s getting but if he continues to run into you and you continue to tell him about all of the things that he cannot remember, we won’t be able to intervene.”

Felicity slammed her mixing bowl down on the counter with more force then necessary, sending some of the contents sloshing over the sides.

“Why do you think that you need to intervene?” she snapped, “Why keep him in the dark?  Oliver needs to know who he is, who he was.  Okay, yes, he probably should be eased back into it.  But I’m not going to stop telling him about his life.  Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?  Expose someone with amnesia to their old life?  The life that he had here, that we had, was really good.  Why not let him see that?”

Moira placed a gentle hand atop Felicity’s where it lay flat on the countertop.  She squeezed her fingers.

“I understand that this is difficult for you, Felicity.  It’s difficult for all of us.”

She scoffed, “He remembers you.”

Moira sighed, “And I can’t imagine what it must be like for you.  But give him time.  I’m not trying to shelter him.  He does need to know but we have to give him a few pieces at a time.  Overwhelming him with all of the tragedies from his past isn’t beneficial.  Oliver loved your mother and Laurel.  Hearing about the accident was very painful for him.”

Felicity withdrew her hand and dumped a cup of batter into the preheated waffle iron.

“He doesn’t even remember Laurel!  And he would’ve asked about Mom eventually, if he hadn’t already.  Did he?  After you took him to see my father – terrible idea by the way – did he ask about her?  Did you lie to him?”

Ire made her hands unsteady as she wrenched open cabinets and drawers, setting the table in an attempt to distract herself.  Oliver had been back in Star City for all of twelve hours and she couldn’t believe how badly she hurt.  His homecoming was nothing like what she’d imagined.

“Oliver never asked us about your mother,” Moira said calmly, “He was too upset over your father’s open hatred of him to be concerned with anything else.  I take it that you spoke with Malcolm, then?”

“I did.  He was at Doc’s again last night.  That was why Thea and I were out so late,” Felicity explained, “Oliver…he was - he was just standing there, Moira.  Lost.  I’ve never seen him like that.  It scared the hell out of me.”

His mother nodded and Felicity felt her eyes on her as she pulled a finished waffle from the iron and added more batter.  She threw in extra chocolate chips for Thea.

“Have you kept all of his things?”

The sweatshirt that Felicity had put on that morning had been Oliver’s.  It was an old Star City Rockets shirt that he had given her when she was still in high school.

“I expected him to come home.  I had no reason to believe that he wouldn’t.  I have everything that wasn’t on his body or in his rucksack when he left here.  Hell, there’s a pair of sneakers on the floor in our bedroom that I haven’t touched in five years.”

Moira stood and rounded the counter.  She stood close but not so much that it made Felicity feel smothered.

“I know that you miss him.  I know that you want him to come home.  I understand that, dear, I do.  But Oliver _needs_ time.  Maybe if he stays with Robert and I a little longer, his memories will start to return on their own.”

She couldn’t speak for a long moment.  Fear and uncertainty crept up her spine.

“What if – what if they don’t?” she asked, “What if he never remembers?  What will I do then?”

Tears threatened and she willed them away.  She had cried more in the hours since Oliver had returned than she had in the three years since Tommy’s funeral.  She hated to think of what the next few weeks would be like.  Possibly months, even years.

Moira spoke softly from behind her and her hand on Felicity’s shoulder was meant to be a comfort.

“I don’t know.  I wish that there was something that I could say, something that I could do.  But we cannot force Oliver to remember.  You cannot ask him to come here and live with you.  At this moment, to him, you’re a stranger.”

The words felt like a live grenade rattling around inside her mind.  She’d had the same thought, had described herself in the same way, but something about hearing Moira say it caused her fragile emotions to crumble.  Falling heavily against the counter, she buried her face in her hands.

She didn’t fight as Moira drew her into her arms but she managed to hold back her tears.

“I’m so sorry, Felicity.  I wish that I could make him better, that I could take this pain away from both of you.  You shouldn’t have to go through this, not after everything else.”

Felicity longed for her mother.  Moira had been good to her, kind and accepting, since the very beginning.  But she would always be Oliver’s mother, not hers.  She wished that her mother was still alive.  She wished that someone could be on her side.

The acrid smell of something burning pulled Felicity out of Moira’s embrace.  She swore as she dumped a ruined waffle into the trash.

“Would you like me to take Thea for the day?  You could get some rest.”

She shook her head, “No.  Thea and I have a routine.  We have things to do today.  We’ll be fine.”

Moira dropped the issue but she remained close as Felicity remade Thea’s breakfast.

“I have lost so many people.  Mom and Tommy and Laurel.  I can’t handle losing Oliver, too.  He’s my whole life.  I’ve waited years for him to come home and now that he’s here, I just want him back.  I want my life back.”

“And I want you to have your life back, sweetheart, but we have to let Oliver draw his own conclusions about your history together.”

She bit her lip to keep from screaming.  The entire situation was a nightmare that she just couldn’t wake up from.

“I think it would be best if you kept your distance for a bit,” Moira suggested, “Just give Oliver some space.”

Felicity whipped around and glared at the other woman.

“You’re telling me to stay away from Oliver?” she asked incredulously, “You’re seriously asking me to stay away from my –“

“I’m simply saying that it may be better for him if you keep your distance.  Only until he regains some sense of himself.”

“But that isn’t the problem!” she shouted, “Oliver knows himself.  He knows you and Robert and Thea.  He even knows my dad, for God’s sake.  It’s just me, Moira.  I’m the one that he doesn’t remember!”

His mother wasn’t swayed by her tone.  She slammed the bottle of syrup onto the table so hard that the silverware rattled.

“I think maybe you should go.  Thea doesn’t need to walk in on this.  She doesn’t need to hear all of it.  And maybe we shouldn’t let her spend time with Oliver.  Lord only knows what she’d say.”

Moira sighed, clearly exasperated, but Felicity couldn’t be bothered to care.

“Oliver won’t understand if we try to keep them apart, Felicity.  And it wouldn’t be fair to either of them.  You can ask Thea not to talk to Oliver about you.”

She rolled her eyes, “And that would be fair?  To ask an eleven year old to lie for me?  To be dishonest?  I won’t do it.”

Moira stared at her for what felt like an eternity but Felicity had been around the Queen family long enough not to be intimidated by any other them.

“Felicity, wouldn’t –“

“Thea, sweetie, breakfast!” she called, “I really think you should go.  I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

If Oliver’s mother was put out at the obvious dismissal, Felicity pretended not to notice.  She did pause in the middle of pouring her coffee, however, when Moira turned back to her.

“You know that I consider you to be my family, Felicity.  You and Thea both.  I don’t want to hurt you but I have to do what’s best for my son.”

Thea chose that moment to skip into the kitchen and Moira bent to hug her.

“I’m going home now, sweetheart, but I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“Can I come over and see Uncle Ollie today?” Thea asked hopefully.

Felicity averted her eyes when Moira looked back at her.

“You’ll have to ask your aunt about that.  Be good.”

“I will.  Bye Gramma.”

“Goodbye, love.”

Felicity waited for the sound of the front door closing before she joined Thea at the table.  She watched the little girl smear her waffle with butter and syrup.

“Can I?” Thea asked, “Go see Uncle Ollie today, I mean.”

Felicity sighed, “I don’t think so, Thea.  We’ve got stuff to do today, remember?  You were going to the grocery store with me to pick out snacks for our movie night, right?  And we’re going to clean up your room.”

Thea only looked slightly crestfallen at not getting to spend time with Oliver but they had a standing monthly movie date and Felicity knew that she wouldn’t want to miss it.

“Aunt Felicity?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you and Uncle Ollie fighting?”

Felicity sighed again, “No, kiddo, we’re not fighting.”

“Oh… then why is he staying with Gramma and Gramps?” she asked, “He still lives here with us, right?”

Felicity took a couple of minutes to formulate an answer that Thea could understand.  It wasn’t a conversation that she ever dreamed of having.

“Yes, Thea, Uncle Oliver still lives here with us.  But he… he’s sick, honey, and he needs to stay with his mom and dad for a little while.”

“Sick like when I had the chicken pox?”

There was a large part of her that believed that telling Thea nothing was the right course of action.  She was eleven, there was only so much she needed to know.  But she knew that if she was going to allow Thea to spend time with her uncle while he was still recovering, then she needed to have a general understanding of what he was going through.  Felicity didn’t know the extent of his memory loss and she didn’t want to have Thea be blindsided by something he said or did when no one else was around.

“You have lots of memories of Uncle Oliver, right?”

Thea nodded, “Uh-huh.  I remember when he taught me how to ride my bike and when he pulled my first tooth out by accident!”

Felicity grinned, “I remember that, too.  He spent a lot of time with me and you and your daddy, right?”

Thea nodded again.

“Well, Uncle Oliver doesn’t remember a lot of that.  He was hurt pretty bad and some of his memories are gone,” Felicity explained.

“But he remembers me.  He told me about when I was a baby and he used to rock me to sleep on the swing.  And he remembered my Minnie Mouse birthday party.”

Grief welled up in her chest, forcing her throat to close, and it took a moment before she could force the words out.

“He remembers some things, Thea, but not everything.  Like Aunt Nyssa?  Uncle Oliver can’t remember her.  And you know he really loves Aunt Nyssa.  She’s one of his favorite people.”

Thea’s head fell to the side as she considered what Felicity had told her.

“But why is he staying at Gramma’s house?  Is it con – cont…?”

She shook her head, “Contagious.  And no, it’s not.  But Uncle Oliver can’t stay with us right now because he doesn’t remember me, either.”

Thea’s eyes grew wide.

“But I thought married people were supposed to live together.”

Her niece’s words were like a physical blow to the chest and Felicity had to look away.  For the millionth time, tears welled in her eyes.  She cleared her throat.

“They are, baby, and when Uncle Oliver gets his memories back, he’ll live with us again.  But for right now, he’s going to stay with Gramma and Gramps. 

Thea ate another bite of her waffle and looked way too thoughtful for an eleven year old.

“Thea, can I ask you to do something for me?”

She nodded.

“I know that you want to spend time with Uncle Oliver.  And that’s okay, you can.  But I don’t want you to talk to him about me.  Don’t lie.  If he asks you a question, you can answer him.  But I want you to try and not bring me up, okay?” she requested, “And don’t say anything to him about living with us or about him being married to me.”

The look of contemplation on her face was replaced with puzzlement.

“But don’t you love Uncle Ollie anymore?”

Felicity took a sharp breath and blinked furiously.

“Of course I do, Thea.  I won’t ever stop loving him.  It’s just… it’s just that right now, he can’t remember that he loves me, too.  It would probably make him feel bad if he found out that we love each other and he doesn’t remember that.  Do you understand?”

Thea sat motionless for a long moment and Felicity couldn’t help wondering what was going through her head.  Eventually, she nodded, and went back to her breakfast.

She hadn’t wanted to ask Thea to do anything different, to change the way she talked to Oliver, to censor the things that she said.  What she’d told Moira was true, it wasn’t fair.  But she realized that Moira was probably right.  She needed to let Oliver come into it on his own.  Whether he actually remembered her or he was able to put the pieces together, his memories of them would come back.  She wasn’t a doctor, her knowledge of amnesia patients didn’t extend beyond what she’d seen on television and read about in books.  She vowed to herself to find a doctor, a real one who actually knew what the hell was going on in his head, and she was going to learn as much as she could.  Because one way or another, Felicity was going to find a way to make him remember her.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you to everyone who is reading this. You guys are amazing and I love hearing from you. Also, to the best beta ever, westernbeauty, thank you so much!

**Chapter Four**

_“Felicity?  Babe, can you hear me?”_

_A wide grin spilt her face._

_“Oliver?  Oh my god, I can’t – it’s so good to hear your voice!  How are you calling me?  Where are you?  Are you alright?”_

_Felicity held the phone to her ear with one hand and used the other to cover the opposite ear.  Wherever he was calling from, there was so much noise in the background that she could hardly hear him.  He hadn’t been able to call in the nearly two years that he’d been deployed.  There’d been two video calls in the first few months he’d been in Iraq but after that, they’d had to rely solely on letters to communicate.  To say that it had been frustrating for both of them would’ve been an understatement._

_“Baby, I – there’s something that –“_

_She shook her head.  The connection was weak and he was cutting in and out.  Leaving Thea at the table with her homework, she left the kitchen and stepped into their living room._

_“Oliver, I can’t really hear you.  You keep breaking up.”_

_There was movement on his end followed by a hollow silence._

_“Oliver?”_

_“Hey, sorry.  Is that better?”_

_She dropped onto the sofa, sighing happily._

_“Much!  God, I miss you so much!  How are you?”_

_There was a long pause and something about it made her stomach drop.  Bile burned in her throat._

_“Oliver?”_

_“Honey, I – I’m sorry.  It’s… it’s Tommy.  He’s gone, Felicity.”_

_Her brain registered that Oliver was still speaking but she couldn’t make out the words.  Her brother was gone.  Gone meant dead.  She knew that he was trying not to say it.  That he wanted to tell her as gently as possible.  But that was what he’d said.  Tommy was dead.  It had only been two years since they’d lost Laurel and their mother and now Tommy was gone, too.  Thea was an orphan.  Sweet, kind, happy Thea had lost her mother and her father before her eighth birthday._

_“Hey, Felicity, baby, talk to me.  Take a breath.”_

_His urgent request finally reached her and she gasped, a choked sob working its way out of her throat.  Her lungs ached as they struggled to take in enough oxygen and hot tears slid down her cheeks.  She was on the verge of passing out._

_“Oliver.”_

_His name was nothing more than a whimper.  She couldn’t find it in her to speak.  Drawing her knees to her chest, she curled into herself and cried._

_“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he whispered, his own voice thick with tears.  He was all alone in some god forsaken place and Felicity could hear it in his voice that he was barely holding it together._

_“I wish – God, I didn’t want you to find out like this but I can’t get out of here.  They won’t let me come home.  I needed to tell you myself… I’m so sorry, Felicity.”_

A hand appeared in her line of sight, waving around to get her attention, and she flinched.  She had completely zoned out.

“I’ve been calling your name for five minutes.  Are you alright?”

She blinked at Iris where she stood in front of her.  She nodded and grasped the dish towel in her hand tightly.  She’d had trouble focusing on anything work related for days.  Three of them, to be precise.  Because that was how long it had been since she’d seen Oliver.  She’d done what Moira had asked, she’d kept her distance, but she knew that there was a possibility she would see him later.  When his mother had called earlier in the day and asked if she could pick Thea up from school and keep her for the evening, Felicity had relented.  Her niece had asked more than once when she could see her uncle again and each time Thea brought it up, Felicity felt another stab of guilt.  What Moira had said in her kitchen that morning had been true, it wasn’t fair to Oliver or Thea to keep them apart.

“Yeah, Iris, I’m fine.  Did you need something?”

Iris tipped her head of glossy black curls towards the dining room and Felicity followed the movement.  Oliver sat alone on the far side of the room, settled comfortably in a booth with his back to the dining area.  There was a single coffee cup situated on the table in front of him.

“He asked for you.”

Felicity sighed, “Tell him I’m busy.”

She made an attempt to duck into the kitchen but was stopped by Iris’ hand on her arm.

“Felicity Merlyn, if a man that good looking starts asking for you, you run towards him, not away from him,” Iris informed her, “Besides, you’ve been standing here in your own little world since he walked in the door and trust me when I tell you, he noticed.  He’d know that I was lying.”

She sighed again and glanced in Oliver’s direction.  He wasn’t looking at her now but she didn’t doubt what Iris had said.  Her friend had only been in Star City a few months.  She didn’t know about Oliver, didn’t have any clue that he was her husband, because she hadn’t asked.  And Felicity hadn’t felt the need to tell.

“Right.  So I guess I’ll just…”

She tossed the towel into its designated bin and scrubbed her suddenly clammy hands on her thighs.  She crossed the room and slid into the booth across from him.

“Hi.”

When he looked up at her, Felicity realized that he’d been staring at the faint white line where his wedding band should be, tracing it absently with his thumb.  Her own rings were strung on a chain, tucked safely into the collar of her shirt.

He watched her with a curiosity that surprised her, the intensity of it making her want to squirm.

“Hi.”

“You – you wanted to see me?”

He shrugged, “I was out for a run and realized that you guys were still open.  Something told me that I should come in and have a cup of coffee.”

“Oh.  Um, do you – do you need a ride or something?” she asked, “We’re closing soon if you want to wait.  I have to stop at your parents’ place and pick up Thea anyway.”

He shook his head.  His dark blonde hair was covered by a baseball hat and he wore the same dark Henley he’d had on the last time she’d seen him.  She noted the stubble on his jaw and wondered if he’d shaved since then.

“I was going to run back.”

She must’ve made a face at that because Oliver chuckled, pulling a piece of paper from his pocket and sliding it across the table.

“Made myself a map this time.”

And he had.  It was crudely drawn, mostly just lines representing streets with the names jotted along them, but he’d marked his parents’ house with a red X and the bar was marked in green.

Warmth filled her stomach as she smiled at him.

“If you hadn’t intended on stopping by, why is Verdant on your map?”

Oliver shrugged again but stayed quiet.  After the silence between them grew unbearable, Felicity decided to fill it.

“Is there something that you wanted to talk to me about, Oliver?”

He stared at her.

“How old are you?”

It wasn’t a question that she had expected him to ask but she took it in stride.

“I’m twenty-six.”

“And Thea?  She’s eleven, right?”

She nodded, “Right.”

He withdrew something else from his pocket and pushed it across the table.  It was a little out of focus and worn around the edges but she recognized the three smiling faces captured in the photograph.  It had been taken in the fall, the front porch decorated with pumpkins and bales of hay, orange and yellow and brown leaves strewn about.  They were sitting on the porch swing, she and Oliver pressed together with a then-five-year-old Thea perched on Oliver’s lap.  Bright smiles lit all of their faces.

“She looks like you.”

She shrugged, “Of course she does.  Because she looks like my mom, remember?  And I look like my mom.  When she was that young, everyone thought she could be mine.  At least until her hair got darker and –“

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him.

“Thea isn’t mine, Oliver,” she assured him, “I was only fifteen when she was born.”

“I know.  I was nineteen.  This picture… we look like we could be a family.”

Felicity shook her head, “Oliver, you told me yourself that Tommy was always talking about Thea, about how proud he was of her.  He carried her photo around with him all the time.  You know that she isn’t – isn’t ours.”

Oliver looked past her, his gaze focused on something over her shoulder, and she took a moment to study him.  The bridge of his nose had a small crook in it, the result of an old baseball injury, and there was a thin, neat scar through his left eyebrow that her fingers itched to trace.  She was intimately familiar with the man sitting across from her.  She had spent long hours memorizing the sharp line of his jaw and all the contours of his body.  She missed it, that intimacy.  She longed for it.  And watching him as he sat there completely unaware of the connection that existed between them was breaking her heart.

“Were we close?” he asked softly, his eyes still not meeting hers.

She shrugged, “I guess you could say that.”

He huffed, “Why is it that everyone is avoiding giving me a straight answer?  I ask a question and all I want is the truth but no one wants to talk to me.  To tell me what it is that I’m forgetting.  This isn’t easy for me either.  I know that there are things that I can’t remember.  People and places, dates and events.  All I want is for someone to be honest and help me remember.”

The tears that always seemed to be just a blink away from falling whenever Oliver was around appeared again.  She hadn’t meant to upset him and she had.  She hadn’t meant to hurt him and it was obvious that he felt something at her evasion.

“Look, I really should get back to work,” she told him, getting to her feet, “You should probably head home.”

His voice stopped her from walking away.

“Do you own the bar?  Because I vaguely remember this being your parents’ place when we were kids.”

She nodded, “After my mom died I took over the day to day stuff.  My dad was in a bad place after the accident and he was on the verge of running it into the ground.  It took some begging on my end but he finally signed the place over to me.”

“Tommy didn’t want a part of it?” he asked.

“Not really.  He didn’t care about the bar,” she shrugged, “Neither did I, honestly.  But my mom… my mom loved Verdant and I couldn’t bear the thought of letting it go.”

Oliver looked around, smiling fondly.

“I’m glad that it’s still here.  I have a lot of memories here.  My twenty-first birthday, specifically.”

She grinned, “Yeah, I know.  I remember.”

She started back towards the bar when he stopped her again, his fingers ghosting her arm. 

“Would you mind giving me a ride?” he asked, “Since you’re going there anyway?”

Felicity swallowed hard, nodding, and stepped away.

“Sure.  Give me twenty and I’ll be ready to head out.”

It didn’t take long for her and Iris to go through their nightly routine of shutting down the bar.  Oliver was their only customer by the time they were ready to close and it seemed that they were both anxious to leave.  Although, Felicity thought, for very different reasons.  When the lights had been switched off and they made it to the front door, Oliver was there waiting.  They followed Iris out onto the sidewalk, waiting until she’d made it to her car before either of them climbed into the truck.

“It’s snowing,” Oliver pointed out just as she shut her door.

She found him staring intently at the light flutter of flakes falling against the windshield.

“I guess it is.”

“I haven’t seen snow in years,” he muttered.

She kept her eyes on him, finding his fascination with the snow endearing.

“Five years.”

He turned to her then, “What?”

She shrugged, “It snowed the day that you and Tommy left.”

Felicity started the car and pulled away from the curb.  Neither of them spoke on the short drive to the Queen manor.  She could feel his eyes on her as she drove and she wondered what he was thinking, what questions he wanted to ask.  She knew that there had to be many.  There was so much that she wanted to tell him, so much that she wanted to share. 

“You know a lot about me.”

She kept her eyes focused on the road and shrugged.

“I have this overwhelming feeling that you’re keeping something from me.  Just like my mother.”

Felicity snorted, the sound falling off into a giggle she couldn’t suppress.  Never in all the time that they’d been a couple had he had the gall to compare her to his mother.  He certainly knew better before he’d lost his memory of her.  She loved Moira but she had no desire to be anything like her mother in law.

“Why is that funny?” Oliver asked.

She shook her head, “I’m sorry, it’s just… you know what, never mind.  Look, Oliver, you’re right.  I know a lot about you.  But as I’ve told you multiple times now, I’ve known you pretty much my entire life.  Of course I know you.  And you used to know me.  I’m not trying to keep things from you, not really.  It’s … it isn’t easy to explain all of this to you, that’s all.  I know that none of this is your fault but you have to understand, this isn’t easy for me either.”

He sighed, “No I imagine it isn’t.  But you have no idea what it’s like to feel like there’s something you should know, to _know_ that you should remember something, but there’s just nothing there.”

She steered them down the long drive that led to the huge home where Oliver had spent his childhood. 

“Shit.”

She slammed the truck into park and hurried to climb out of it.

“What’s wrong?” Oliver asked, following her lead.

Felicity eyed the dark sedan in the driveway with distain.

“My dad is here.”

They made it to the door quickly, Felicity practically running in her haste, the raised voices coming from just inside making her heart race.

“What do you mean I can’t see her?  She’s my granddaughter, damn it, I can see her whenever the hell I want!”

Her father’s words bounced off the slick slate floor that lined the entry to the Queen’s home.  Moira stood on the foot of the stairs as she glared at Malcolm.  Robert was just inside the door, watching the scene before him, and Felicity did a quick sweep of the foyer as she searched for Thea.

“Dad, what the hell is going on?  What are you doing here?” she bit out, barely able to control the anger that surged inside of her, “You have no right to just show up here demanding to see Thea.  It doesn’t work that way.  We have a deal, if you want to see her, you have to call me first.  Until you can prove to me that you aren’t drinking yourself into oblivion every night, you only see Thea on my terms.”

He moved sluggishly, his inebriated state evident, and she could smell the liquor on his breath.  He lunged for her but missed entirely.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that, you little shit,” he growled, “I don’t know who the hell you think you –“

“I’m your daughter, you ass.  If you think that you can treat me this way and still think that I’m going to let you anywhere near Thea, you’re crazier than I thought!” she shouted, “Why do you think Tommy left her with me, huh?  Because you’re nothing more than a drunk who can’t even take care of himself!”

When he lunged for her the second time, he was much closer and Felicity was too overcome with anger to realize what was happening until it was too late.  His open hand connected hard with her cheek, the hit sending her stumbling back and into the wall of Oliver’s chest.  Moira’s gasp was unusually loud in the otherwise quite space.  Robert stepped forward, reaching for Malcolm just as Oliver’s hands on her pulled her away from him.

“Get the hell out of my house, Malcolm, or I’m calling the police,” Robert threatened, “And if you ever lay a hand on that girl again, I will not hesitate to beat the living shit out of you.”

For a long, tense moment, her father stared at Oliver’s father and Felicity wondered if they would come to blows right there.  But when he turned to look at her, his eyes widening at the sight of her enveloped in Oliver’s arms, tears in her eyes and what she was sure would be a nasty bruise blooming on her cheek, she wondered if he’d even known what he was doing when he hit her. 

“Felicity,” he gasped, taking a step towards her, “I didn’t – I’m sorry, honey, you know I didn’t –“

She shook her head and pressed her face into the front of Oliver’s shirt.  She let him shield her from her father’s drunken pleas because she had heard them all before.  He had gotten drunk on more occasions that she cared to admit and spat nasty things in her face but he had never gotten so out of hand with an audience present.  And it wasn’t the first time that he’d hit her.  She refused to give him an inch in that moment.  He didn’t deserve it.

“Let’s go, Malcolm, I’ll drive you home.”

Her father must have acquiesced to Robert’s direction.  A moment later, the door opened and closed, leaving her alone with Moira and Oliver.  Her legs began to tremble as the adrenaline rushed out of her.

“Aunt Felicity?”

She jerked away from Oliver quickly, her eyes flying to the landing at the top of the stairs.  Thea stood staring at them with wide, frightened eyes, and Felicity held her arms open.

“It’s okay, sweetheart, come here.”

Thea ran down the stairs and threw herself at Felicity.  She caught the little girl to her chest and pressed her face to the top of her head.  She couldn’t stop the few tears that fell into her hair.

“Hey, everything’s alright, honey,” she assured her, feeling her slender shoulders shaking, “Gramps took Papa home, okay?”

“But he – did Papa hit you?”

Felicity nodded and squeezed Thea tighter.

“Yeah, Thea, he did.  But I’m fine, I promise.  We’re gonna go home now.  Why don’t you say goodnight to Gramma and Uncle Oliver?”

Thea left her reluctantly, being swallowed up by Moira as she bent to hug her and whisper something in her ear.  Oliver stepped up to her side.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked softly, his fingers sliding gently along her cheekbone where she’d been hit.

She nodded, “I will be.  I just want to go home.”

Oliver sighed, “I don’t remember your father being that hostile.  Has he – has he always been like that?  When did that happen?”

“Like I said, he was in a pretty bad place after the accident.”

Oliver’s blue eyes narrowed as he studied her.

“This isn’t the first time that he’s hit you, is it?  This has happened before?”

She stepped away, his hand falling from her cheek as she did, and turned to Thea.

“Come on, baby, let’s get you home.”

Felicity helped Thea into her coat and waited while she tugged on her boots.

“Thank you for watching her this afternoon, Moira.”

Thea gave Oliver a quick hug before reaching for Felicity’s hand.  She squeezed as hard as she could and Felicity smiled down at her, squeezing back.

“Anytime, Felicity.  Put some ice on that when you get home, alright?”

Nodding, she led Thea outside.

“Let’s go home, kiddo.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning! Decided to do an early post today rather than waiting until after work (at least early where I am). The response to this fic so far has been overwhelming. You guys are amazing and I’m so glad that everyone seems to be enjoying this so far. Hopefully this chapter brings some answers for everyone, it certainly does for Oliver. Enjoy! Also, westernbeauty, thank you so much for everything, as usual!

**Chapter Five**

_“Mom, do you think I did the right thing?”_

_Her mother turned to her with a look of concern and a bit of mirth._

_“Baby girl, don’t tell me you’ve got cold feet now!  It’s a little late for that.”_

_Felicity shook her head, smiling broadly, and looked down at the thin band of diamonds that twinkled on her finger.  She glanced up and sought out her husband.  He was on the dance floor with Nyssa in his arms, both of them laughing and happy._

_“Of course not, Mom.  Oliver is… Oliver’s perfect,” she murmured, her cheeks warming at the look on her mother’s face, “I meant about Dad.  Doing this without him.  I know that we haven’t always been close but I – I never thought that he’d hate me so much that he’d miss my wedding.”_

_“Oh sweetie, your father doesn’t hate you.  He’s just being a stubborn ass.  He’s worried that you’re making a mistake, getting married so young, and he’s going to regret not being here.  I promise you that.”_

_Felicity sighed and twirled her engagement ring around on her finger absently._

_“I know we’re young, Mom, I do.  But I love Oliver more than anything.  He and Tommy are going to be deployed soon and we didn’t want to wait.  We both know what could happen… Besides, it’s not like we’re having a baby.  Dad was perfectly okay with Laurel and Tommy getting married after Thea was born.  Why couldn’t he be here for me?”_

_Her mother sighed and squeezed her hand._

_“I know it doesn’t always seem like it, honey, but you’re his little girl and it’s just hard for him to watch you grow up.  He’s so proud of you for going to college, because you’ve always been such a good kid.  I think the idea of you being someone’s wife is a little much for him.”_

_Felicity looked away from Oliver and Nyssa, turning to her mother.  She hated that her father hadn’t been there to watch her marry the love of her life, she hated that a part of her family was missing.  But as she thought about what her mother was saying, she wondered why she was surprised, why it hurt so much.  After all of the yelling and the fighting, she wondered if it was better for everyone that he hadn’t come._

_“Felicity, baby, don’t worry so much about your dad.  Today is your day, it’s about you and Oliver.  As long as being together is what you want, what makes you happy, then nothing else really matters.”_

The blare of a car horn behind her signaled that she had been sitting at the light for too long.  She threw a glare at the driver in her rearview mirror before turning left onto Water Street and heading for the cemetery.

It was the three year anniversary of Tommy’s death and, just as it had every other year, emotion overwhelmed her as she took the narrow road around the cemetery that would lead her to his grave.  She had dropped Thea at school, electing not to remind her niece of the date, and found herself en route to Iron Heights Memorial Hill.  She would bring Thea by after school if that’s what she wanted but Felicity needed time alone.

She parked the truck high on the hill and braced herself for the cold.  The temperature had dropped considerably through the night as snow had fallen, leaving everything blanketed in white.  She pulled up the collar of her coat and adjusted her scarf to cover the lower half of her face.  Climbing from the truck, her boots crunched as they sank through a thin layer of ice.  Frigid air stung her eyes and Felicity ducked her head to avoid the harsh wind.  She trudged along the familiar path that would take her to the plot where Tommy, her mother and Laurel lay.

She paused at the last bend in the path, startled to see that someone had beaten her to Tommy’s grave.  Oliver sat in the snow in front of the granite marker with her brother’s name engraved on it.  He sat with his knees drawn to his chest, his back to her.  Felicity moved closer and he lifted his head, turning at the sound of her approach.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

She sat down beside him, wincing as the snow immediately seeped into her jeans.

“I remember the day that he died like it was yesterday.  That is the one memory that I wish I could forget.”

Felicity nodded, pulling her knees to her chest and mirroring his position.

“I was supposed to be there that day,” he continued, “I was supposed to be on patrol with the unit but I’d cut up my hand the day before and the medic wouldn’t clear me.  I was stuck at base camp.  When word got back to us that they’d been ambushed by insurgents, I… I knew that he didn’t make it.  I just had this feeling.”

Felicity held her breath, waiting for him to continue.  They’d never talked about the day that Tommy died.  In all of the letters that they’d exchanged over the years, he’d never mentioned that he was supposed to have been with the unit that day.  He’ never really mentioned Tommy at all after it happened.

“I think about it every day.  If I’d been there, I could’ve saved him.  I could’ve done something.”

She clenched her hands into fists where they were tucked in her pockets and took a slow, deep breath.

“Or you could’ve died, too, Oliver,” she said finally, “I’m – I’m glad you weren’t there.”

Oliver took a shuddering breath, his shoulders sagging, and Felicity wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him and offer him comfort.  But she couldn’t do it.  It had been difficult enough to be protected by him the night she’d confronted her father.  Just those few moments had left an impact.  It had been two days and she could still feel him.

“Oliver?  Do you – do you know what happened to you?  How you lost your memory?”

He shrugged, “There were five of us, my team.  We were doing a sweep of a village about thirty clicks from our camp.  We’d gotten reports that there was a heavy weapons cache there.  We’d just stepped into this house when the bomb went off.  We were buried in the rubble.  I don’t know how long it took for them to dig us out.  I woke up in a hospital in Germany almost a week later.”

A tremor raced through her that had nothing to do with the cold.  Her brain conjured up a terrifying image at his words and she shook her head to dislodge it.

“I didn’t realized that anything was wrong, not at first.  They asked all of the usual questions; name, rank, serial number.  Standard stuff.  But then they sent in a shrink to talk to me.  Two of my men were killed in the blast and they assumed that I’d want to talk to someone.  She started asking questions that I couldn’t answer.  I remembered my parents, details about my childhood and Star City and my friends.  It wasn’t until she started asking about my wife that they figured out I had amnesia.  She pointed out my wedding ring and asked me about her, her name, what she looked like… But I had no idea.”

Felicity’s heart slammed against her ribcage, the sound of it so loud in her ears that it was almost deafening.  It had been almost a whole week since she’d learned that he was home and she hadn’t known.  She hadn’t had any idea that Oliver knew he was married.  He knew he had a wife.  He just had no clue who she was.

“They didn’t tell you anything?  The doctors didn’t give you her name?  They had to have had that information in your records.”

If Oliver noticed the way that her voice trembled as she spoke, he didn’t comment on it.  He shook his head.

“No.  I didn’t question it at the time.  And when I got back stateside and searched through my stuff, I realized that I didn’t even have a picture of her.”

She swallowed past the tears that clogged her throat, willing herself not to cry.  She’d complained once that he never took any photos of her when he went away, never took anything from home, but Oliver had confessed that it was too hard.  It was difficult enough for him to be away from her with just his memories, seeing her smile in a photograph when he couldn’t see it in person, he’d called it torture.

“And your parents?” she asked, “You questioned them, didn’t you?  They wouldn’t tell you who she is?”

It felt beyond odd to be talking about herself in the third person but she had to gauge how much he’d actually learned.  It was clear that no one had told him that she was the woman he was married to.

“They refused to talk about her,” he confirmed, “My mother… well, you obviously know how she is.  She seems to think that it’ll be better for everyone if I remember that part of my life on my own.  I just wish that I could figure out where she hid all the evidence of her, of the wedding.  I’d like to find her.  I can’t imagine what she’s going through, how she must feel.  I don’t even know if anyone has told her what’s happening.  She has to be wondering why she hasn’t heard from me, right?  It’s been a few months, at least.”

A sharp pang of guilt swept over her.  Oliver was worried about her, about a woman that he couldn’t remember.  It was obvious that he wanted to know who she was, he needed to, she thought, because he felt like he owed it to her to come home.

“But you – you have no idea who she is?  No memory of her?”

He shook his head.  He stared straight ahead at Tommy’s headstone and a small part of her wished that he’d just look at her.  Because if he looked at her, he would see the truth on her face.

“I remember our house though.  At least I think it’s ours,” he told her, “It’s a small cottage, set back off the road.  There’s a huge maple tree in the front yard.  It’s got dark wood shingles and white shutters and a giant picture window.  I think.  I’m not – I’m not convinced that I’m not making all of that up.”

She squashed the hysterical laughter that tried to escape her.  Nothing made sense to her anymore.

Oliver turned to her suddenly, realization lighting his eyes.

“You know who she is, don’t you?” he asked, “Felicity, please, tell me.”

She inhaled sharply and looked away.  She started to shake her head, pausing when Oliver’s hand landed on her elbow.

“You’d want to know, wouldn’t you?  If you were me?  You’d want to know.”

She thought back to her conversation with Moira.  She hadn’t agreed to anything.  She wasn’t going to avoid him, she wouldn’t lie to him.  His parents had made the decision not to tell him about her and they’d done so without discussing it with her.  It wasn’t fair.  If Oliver wanted to know his wife, he had that right.  And as his wife, she had the right to tell him.

She nodded, “Yes.  Yes, I’d want to know.”

“Please, Felicity, I need you to tell me.”

Closing her eyes briefly, she took a steadying breath.

“I – it’s me, Oliver.  I am… I’m your wife.”

When she opened her eyes it was to find him staring openly at her.  He didn’t speak as he watched her and Felicity couldn’t decipher what she was seeing in his expression.  Was he surprised by her answer?  Did he not believe her?  As the silence stretched on, doubt began to creep in.  Had she made a mistake?

She barely noticed the cold air biting at her exposed skin as she waited for him to say something.

“Felicity, look at me please.”

She blinked up at him, not even aware of the fact that she’d looked away, and hoped that he couldn’t see the threat of tears in her eyes.

“Why – why didn’t you say something?”

She shrugged.

“I didn’t know what to say.  When I realized that you didn’t recognize me that night at Verdant… God, I don’t know.  I just didn’t know what to do.”

The hand at her elbow fell away and she huddled into her coat. 

“You’re not wearing a ring,” he pointed out.

She shrugged again, “It’s on a chain around my neck all the time, I never take it off.  But I work in a bar.  I wait tables and do dishes all day.  I was worried about knocking the stones loose so I don’t wear it on my finger.”

“Alright.  I – how long?  How long have we been married?”

“We got married in December.  It was seven years ago last month.”

Oliver nodded, “And Thea… she’s definitely not our daughter?”

Felicity snorted, “No, Oliver, definitely not.  I did not have a baby at fifteen.  Well, she’s not ours biologically.  When Tommy died, I was granted sole guardianship of her.  We officially adopted her last year.  Legally she’s ours.”

“And the two of you live in our house?”

“We do.  Would you – do you want to go there?  I can take you to the house.”

“I’d like that.  But I have more questions.  Do you mind if we stay here for a few minutes?” he asked.

Felicity smile.  He looked so young and hopeful, even a little eager, and she couldn’t say no to him.  It didn’t matter that she was freezing or that her ass had gone numb from sitting in the snow for so long.  She would do anything he asked to see that look in his eyes.

“What do you want to know?”

His grin made her feel lighter than she had in days.

“How long have we been together?”

“Nine years now, almost ten.”

“We’ve been married for seven years… you were only nineteen.  Is that why my parents didn’t tell me about you?  Did they not approve?  They fought us on getting married when we did, right?”

She laughed, shaking her head.

“Surprisingly, no.  No one really tried to stop us.  Well, my dad wasn’t happy about it but that’s a story for another time.  Thankfully your parents have always like me.  Tommy and I were both really close to them.”

“But you’re not close to them now?”

“I – it’s not the same.  It’s always been easier with you around.  But your mom has been great with Thea, she’s always willing to help when I need her.  And we always spend the holidays with her and your dad.”

She shivered as another strong gust of wind shoved at their backs and Oliver pushed gracefully to his feet.  He held a hand out to her, pulling her up beside him when she took it.  They stayed close as they trekked down the path to where she’d left her truck.  He was quiet as they went.

“Are you alright, Oliver?” she asked, climbing into the truck.

She fiddled with the dials, flinching when cold air burst from the vents before it began to warm.

“I’m just trying to absorb all of this… it’s not what I expected.  You’re not.  And please don’t take that the wrong way.  I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

Felicity smirked, “I can understand that.  Best friend’s little sister and all.  Kind of a cliché.”

Oliver shook his head ruefully, “Kind of.”

When she turned out of the cemetery back onto Water Street, Oliver angled himself on his side of the bench seat, watching her as she drove.

“I’m sorry.”

She frowned, “For what?”

“I don’t know… all of it?  All of this?” he sighed and raked his fingers through his hair, “I wish that there was something I could do to make myself remember you.  I just – there just isn’t anything there.  How is it that I don’t remember you?  That I can’t remember the woman that I love?”

“How do you know that you love me?” she asked quietly, “You didn’t even know I existed ten days ago.”

The sad smile on his face hurt more than she was ready to admit.

“I don’t know… but the fact that we’ve stayed together for almost ten years has to mean something, right?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next installment is here! I like this whole being on a schedule thing… and actually being able to stick to that schedule… anyhow, I have to say again, the response to this fic has been incredible. You guys are awesome. Every single one of you. Thank you so much! Also, to the best beta around, westernbeauty, you’re wonderful!

**Chapter Six**

Felicity stood in the doorway and watched Oliver take in their living room.  His hand trailed along the back of the sofa as he made his way around.  She wondered if any of it felt familiar, if he recognized the furniture or the rugs or the view from the picture window.  He’d clearly remembered something about the house because he had described it to her perfectly and when they’d turned into the driveway a few minutes earlier, she had noticed the relief in his eyes.  His memories had been real and that realization had allowed some of the tension to drain from his shoulders.

He stopped at the fireplace mantel – as everyone who visited her home seemed to do – and she couldn’t take her eyes off of him.  He examined the photos on display as if they were evidence of some kind, taking long moments to study each of them thoroughly.  To him, she thought, they were evidence.  Evidence of the life that he couldn’t remember.

When his fingers ghosted across the largest frame, her breath caught in her throat.  He lifted it from its place among the others and gazed down at it in wonder.

“Where are we here?” he asked, his voice gentle and slightly mystified, “This – this isn’t in Star City, is it?”

Felicity shook her head and stepped into the room.  She resisted the urge to join him, choosing instead to stop at the opposite end of the couch.

“No.  We – we got married in Central City.  That’s the planetarium at Star Labs.  We got married under the stars.”

He gave her a sad smile.

“You’re stunning.  We look… happy.  Were we happy?”

She swallowed hard.

“Yeah, Oliver, we were.”

He clutched the photo with a ferocity that surprised her.  She knew that he wanted to remember and she could read the desperation in his expression.  She watched as it was replaced with disappointment when nothing came back to him.

Oliver set the photo down and kept his back to her as he picked up another.  Felicity recognized the frame right away.  The photo he was examining was of the two of them with Laurel and Tommy, the four of them gathered together around a bonfire on the beach, the moon bright behind them.  It had been taken the summer after she’d graduated from high school.

“This is Tommy’s wife?”

She nodded, “Yeah, that’s Laurel.  Laurel Lance.  Sara, Laurel’s younger sister and my best friend, she took that.  We were down by the bay one night, the group of us.  You and Tommy, you – you wanted to throw a graduation party for me.  Wasn’t much of a party, of course, it was just us.  But it was … it was pretty amazing anyway.  We had a lot of fun that night.”

When he stepped away from the fireplace, it was to stand in the middle of the room and look around.  She waited for him to say something.

“Did we have a dog?”

Felicity chuckled, the question completely unexpected, and she nodded.

“We did.  Well, Tommy did.  A black lab named Cisco.  But when Thea was about six, we found out she was allergic.  Friends of mine, Caitlyn and Ronnie, they adopted him.  Ronnie walks him around the neighborhood like clockwork.”

Oliver nodded.  He went to the large, built-in bookshelves that lined one wall of their living room.  He touched several of the books crammed on the shelf at eyelevel. 

“Have you read all of these?”

She shrugged, “They’re mostly textbooks.  I – I studied information and cyber security in college but I… I like to read.  Some of those are yours though, some were Tommy’s.  I’m sure this is going to sound kind of odd but… but I used to read your books when I missed you.  You liked – still like, I guess – Kurt Vonnegut.”

“Yeah, _Hocus Pocus._ It’s one of my favorites.”

“God, I’ve read that book ten times in the last few years and it’s never gotten any better.  I don’t understand why you like it so much.  But sometimes just doing something that you liked to do helped me get through being here without you.”

She watched his shoulders sag as he scrubbed a hand over his face.  He turned to her.

“I – I’m sorry I was gone for so long.”

Felicity sighed, “It’s okay.  Really.”

He took a step toward her.

“It’s not, though.  None of this makes sense.  Why would I – why would I choose to stay in that hell hole rather than come home to you?  Who does that?  What kind of … what kind of man am I that I stayed away from my wife, my family for so long?”

She swallowed hard and shoved her trembling hands into the pocket of her sweatshirt.

“You were doing your job, Oliver.  I knew when I married you that this would be our life.  You left for your first deployment less than a week after the wedding.  Six months.  You were only gone six months for that one.  But the second time … the second time was a lot longer.  I’m not going to lie and tell you that it’s been easy but you were doing your job and I knew what I’d signed up for.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”

She snorted, “That is not possible, Oliver Queen.  Come on, let me show you the rest of the house.”

She led him up the stairs and into the wide hallway, with walls the color of warm caramel and the hardwood floors a rich, deep mahogany.  She stopped at the first door on the right.

“She really loves baseball,” Oliver mused, his eyes traveling around Thea’s room.

Interspersed amongst the various shades of purple that littered the room, evidence of her love for the sport lingered.  From the posters of her favorite players to the baseball shaped rug on her floor to the white beanbag chair with the red stitching that sat in one corner.  It was impossible to walk into her niece’s bedroom and not recognize her passion for America’s favorite pastime.

“Honestly, I think she got it from Tommy.  One of her few memories of him was watching a Red Sox – Yankees game at my parents’ house.  She was young, really young, but she remembers it clear as day.  He promised her he’d take her to her first major league game but… but that was before.  As long as she keeps her grades, I’ll take her this summer.”

Oliver nodded, touching the soft chenille throw at the foot of Thea’s bed absently.

“She seems like a good kid.  I don’t… I don’t have a lot of memories of her.  Just little things.  And some of it I think I only remember because of Tommy.  I – I have these moments in my head that feel like memories but a part of me thinks that I only remember them because Tommy told me about them.  Does that even make sense?”

She shrugged, “In a way.  What do you – what do you remember?”

“I have this… I rocked her to sleep once on the front porch swing.  She’d been crying for hours and I couldn’t get her to calm down.  I think she might’ve been sick?”

Felicity shook her head and leaned against the doorframe.  She grinned.

“It was the first time you’d ever offered to babysit.  Thea was eighteen months old and Tommy and Laurel were heading upstate to a friend’s wedding.  She had a pretty bad cold and she was really fussy.  You didn’t even make it a full two hours before calling in reinforcements.”

Oliver’s eyes flashed to hers.

“You were here?”

“Yeah.  I’ve got a picture of the two of you on the swing.  Thea’s in nothing but a diaper, sprawled across your chest.  You – you zipped her into your hoodie with you.  It’s kind of adorable.  I still have it, in our room.  My, I – I mean my room.”

Heat rushed to her cheeks and she ducked her head quickly.  Oliver moved around her and into the hall.  He crossed to the door opposite Thea’s, pausing with his hand on the doorknob.  She considered stopping him, considered asking him to wait, but in the end she bit her lip and stayed quiet. 

Taking her silence as acquiescence, Oliver opened the door to their bedroom and stepped inside.

She followed slowly, keeping her distance, and stopped just over the threshold.  Oliver stood at the foot of the bed and looked around, taking in the details of the space with a critical eye.  She saw his breath hitch when he caught sight of the photo hanging above their bed.  Her eyes remained on his face as she watched him take it in.  He couldn’t seem to look away.

It had been taken on their wedding night, Oliver had been the one behind the camera, and Felicity couldn’t deny the intimacy that had been captured in the image.  It was a photo of her, her back exposed to the camera, to Oliver, where he had undone several of the buttons on her gown.  She’d held the material up with her arms crossed beneath her breasts and turned her head to watch him over her shoulder.

Now, as he took in every inch of the photo beneath the glass, his eyes flickered back and forth between her and it.  His jaw was tense, his teeth locked, and she watched his throat work to swallow.  His voice was strained when he spoke again.

“God…I wish I could remember this.”

_“Felicity.”_

_She glanced at her husband, a shy smile on her lips, as his fingers danced along the flesh he’d revealed.  His normally bright eyes were dark with arousal, with desire, and Felicity felt heat unfurl in her belly.  She bit her lip and clutched the fabric of her dress against her chest._

_“You are absolutely breathtaking, baby.”_

_Aware of the blush staining her cheeks, Felicity shook her head._

_“It’s not like you’ve never seen me like this, Oliver,” she whispered, “You’ve seen me naked.”_

_He grinned, leaning in to press a warm kiss to the top of her spine._

_“I’m well aware.  But you were Felicity Merlyn then,” he reminded her, “You’re Felicity Queen now.  You’re all mine.”_

_She giggled and rolled her eyes._

_“I’m the same person that I was the first time you made love to me.”_

_He stopped teasing her, his expression suddenly serious, and her heart swelled with love for him._

_“You weren’t my wife then.  You are now.”_

_Felicity closed her eyes, shivering, and reveled in the effect that his words had on her.  She blinked them open again when the heat from his body left her.  He’d stepped over to where he’d discarded his suit jacket earlier, digging around in the pockets and producing her digital camera.  He turned back to her, brandishing the camera with a smirk, and her eyes traveled the length of his body.  He looked delectable in a pair of black slacks, his white button down, and a pair of suspenders.  Her mouth went dry at the sight of him._

_The smirk slipped from his face as he came back to her and she saw of flash of nervousness in his eyes._

_“Can I – can I take your picture like this?  Just your back, this beautiful skin.  I promise I won’t show anyone.  It’ll be just for me.”_

_His anxious expression made her melt just a little and she nodded, angling away from him so that her naked back was on display.  She turned her head and smiled shyly at him over her shoulder.  His answering smile brought tears to her eyes._

_“Felicity.”_

_The soft, sometimes reverent way in which Oliver said her name never failed to make her feel special.  Loved and cherished, wanted and needed, and in that moment – alone with him for the first time since saying I do - she felt all of those things._

_He held up the camera._

_“Smile baby, please.”_

A spike of heat pierced her as the memory washed through her and Felicity shook her head sharply.  Oliver had dropped his gaze from the photo and was fingering the material of the worn sweatshirt she’d tossed on the end of the bed.

“Was this… is this mine?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice in that moment.

“Do you have a lot of my things here?” he asked, “My clothes, I mean?  I don’t have much at my parents’, a couple pairs of sweats and a lot of t-shirts.  My uniforms… apparently I didn’t take much with me when I left the last time because I came home with hardly anything.”

An ache settled unwelcome in her chest as she thought of him taking his belongings from their home.  They were his things, his clothes and shoes and personal items, but they belonged in their home.  In their bedroom.  He belonged there with her and letting any part of him leave felt like some form of betrayal.

She cleared her throat, “Of course.  Everything’s – everything’s exactly where you left it.  There are clothes in the dresser and in the closet.  Take whatever you need.”

The furniture that they’d had forever, all secondhand because they had both refused to take money from their parents’, fit tightly in the room.  There was space to walk around everything but not much and all he had to do was pivot in order to face the dresser.  He pulled open the top left drawer before she could stop him.  He stared down at its contents, color rushing to his cheeks.

“That one’s mine.  Other side,” she instructed.

It took far longer than necessary for Oliver to shut her drawer and move on to his own but she couldn’t find it in her to comment on it.  Instead, she started backing out of the room.

“I’ll get you a duffle bag or a suitcase or something.”

Her legs carried her to the end of the hall, to the last door on the right, without her consent and she froze before she could push it open. 

She hadn’t stepped foot into Tommy’s old room since the week after his funeral.  Everything inside would be just as he’d left it.  Like with Oliver’s things, she’d expected him to come home.  She hadn’t let herself believe that either of them would come back in a coffin.  When Tommy had died, she hadn’t had the heart to let go of anything that belonged to him.  Now, as she stood at the door with her heart in her throat, Felicity couldn’t decide what would be worse, seeing her dead brother’s room for the first time in three years or going back to her own room only to watch her husband pack up his clothes.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door and braced herself for the wave of grief she knew would come.  Her eyes swept the room, taking in the still-made bed, the photos scattered atop the dresser and the footlocker situated beneath the window.  She crossed the room quickly, making a beeline for the closet, and threw the door open with unnecessary force.  Tommy’s clothes hung there, his military uniforms mixed in with a handful of suits and his high school baseball jersey, all of them mocking her, and she fought the tears that pooled in her eyes.

“Felicity?”

She started at the sound of Oliver’s voice behind her, whirling around as he stepped into the room.  He hesitated at the sight of her tears.

“This was Tommy’s room… did he – he lived here with us?” he asked.

She nodded, sending moisture rolling down her cheeks, “When the two of you were home on leave.  It didn’t make sense to shuttle Thea around when he was home and … and he hated living in their house after Laurel died.  So the four of us lived here.  Together.”

Oliver crossed the floor slowly, coming to a stop beside her, his eyes scanning the row of Tommy’s clothes hanging in the closet.  He lifted a hand to her brother’s baseball jersey, a sad smile on his face.

“He was a terrible ball player.”

She laughed, the sound somewhere between a snort and a sob.

“Oh god, yes.  He was so bad.”

Felicity knew he was trying to make her feel better.  It wouldn’t work, she knew that too, but she appreciated that he was trying. 

“The two of you were really close.”

She nodded again, “We were.  Tommy was… he was more than just my big brother.  He was my best friend.  I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”

“For your sake, I wish he’d been the one of us to make it home.  I wish that he’d been able to come home to Thea, to you.”

A strangled sob left her then, the sound surprising both of them, and she covered her face with her hands.  Her shoulders shook as she cried, and she turned and threw her arms around him without giving it a second thought.  He was frozen for a long moment before his arms banded around her, pulling her close.  Her tears soaked into his shirt.

She wasn’t even sure who she was crying over, Tommy or Oliver.  It was all too much.  There were too many things she hadn’t allowed herself to deal with, too much grief that she’d kept bottled inside.

She shoved Oliver away, only managing to move him half a step, and glared up at him.

“Don’t say that!  Don’t you dare say that to me!  You can’t take Tommy’s place, Oliver.  It’s too late for that!  He’s dead and you’re here and – and how do you think I would’ve dealt with losing you?  Do you really think that it would’ve been better in the end if he’d come home and you hadn’t?”

He opened his mouth and closed it again when she continued.

“When Tommy died, when you called to tell me that he’d been killed, I begged you –  _I begged you, Oliver_ \- to come home!  I was terrified of losing you.  I – I was so afraid that the next time I answered the phone, it would be someone calling to tell me that you were gone, that I’d lost my husband too!”

By the time she was finished, she was panting, big heaving breaths that made her chest ache and left her feeling lightheaded.  She must’ve swayed slightly because Oliver’s hand was suddenly wrapped around her arm, holding her steady.  He looked as if he was going to apologize – for his comment, for not remembering her, for being away so long, none of it mattered – but she cut him off with a shake of her head.

“Don’t, Oliver.  Please.”

For some immeasurable amount of time, they stood across from one another, neither of them speaking.  Oliver’s hand remained on her arm, his fingers flexing occasionally, digging into her flesh.  She didn’t try to move.

“I wasn’t here, was I?  For his funeral?”

She shook her head, “No.  They wouldn’t give you leave.  You called me the day of the funeral.  You promised me – you promised you’d come home when your contract was up.  You’d come home and we’d … we’d –“

“We’d what, Felicity?”

She sighed, more tears welling in her already tired eyes, and told him, “You promised that you’d come home and we’d try to start a family of our own.  We were going to have a family, Oliver.”

He couldn’t have been surprised by what she’d said.  It wasn’t unheard of for two people who were obviously so in love, two people who clearly loved each other and the family that they already had, to want to expand that family with children of their own.  It shouldn’t have surprised him but when Felicity looked up at him, she knew that it had.

“Maybe you should go now,” she said quietly, taking a step away from him.

Oliver’s surprise gave way to helplessness as he moved to follow her.  She held up her hand to stop him.

“Felicity, I –“

She shook her head, “Please, I – I just need some time.  Please.”

He relented, his shoulders dropping slightly, his posture slowly giving way to defeat.  He watched her carefully as he back his way to the door.  He stopped before stepping into the hall again.

“I’ll see you around, okay?”

She swallowed hard, “Yeah, okay.”

Oliver closed the door gently behind him and the moment that she was alone, Felicity collapsed onto Tommy’s bed and cried.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a huge thank you to everyone who is taking the time to read this. I really enjoyed writing it and I’m so proud to be sharing it with you. You’re kind words and encouragement are, as always, greatly appreciated. And to my beta, westernbeauty, thank you thank you thank you :)

**Chapter Seven**

Felicity woke with a start, her hair sticking to her sweat-drenched face, and willed her thundering heart to slow.  She eased up, sitting and swinging her legs over the side of the bed.  The chill of the hardwood floor beneath her feet helped to ground her, chasing away the tendrils of the nightmare that still clung to her mind.  If she closed her eyes again, she knew that the images her subconscious had conjured up would still be there.  The thought made her shiver.

It wasn’t the first time that she’d dreamed of the funeral.  There’d been many variations of the same scene over the last few years but this new one was gruesome and painful.  She had walked through the mortuary until she’d found herself alone in a viewing room with her brother’s coffin.  Only when she’d lifted the lid, it hadn’t been Tommy’s body lying there, but Oliver’s.  His remains had been mangled, soaked in blood, so badly destroyed that they’d been unrecognizable.  If it hadn’t been for his severed head and lifeless eyes staring up at her, she never would’ve known that the body had been his. 

With a jolt, Felicity’s stomach roiled and she bolted for her bathroom, barely making it before her dinner from the night before reappeared. 

When she was certain that her stomach had settled, she closed her eyes and leaned into the wall of the bathtub.

It was no surprise that she’d dreamt of him, of losing him, of him taking Tommy’s place in death.  It was what he’d wished for the last time she’d seen him.  It had been a week.  Seven days had passed since she’d told Oliver about their life together and he hadn’t been back.  He’d packed some of his things, she’d assumed while she was having an emotional breakdown in Tommy’s old room, and then he’d gone and he hadn’t returned.  She could admit that it hurt, the fact that Oliver hadn’t come to talk to her again, but she wasn’t stunned by his absence either.  She’d taken her frustration out on him, she’d yelled at him, berated him, and he hadn’t deserved any of it. 

She sighed and scraped her fingers through her tangled hair. 

What shocked Felicity more than anything was the lack of communication from Oliver’s mother.  Moira hadn’t exactly been supportive when Felicity had told Oliver about her mother and Laurel, she could only imagine how she responded when she’d learned that Oliver knew that Felicity was his wife.  That she’d been the one to tell him.  But she hadn’t seen or heard from her mother-in-law since she’d revealed everything to Oliver.  And she knew him well enough to know that he hadn’t hidden his newfound knowledge from his parents.  She suspected that there’d been a long and heated argument surrounding the fact that they’d failed to tell him that Felicity was the woman he was married to.

She pushed wearily to her feet and turned on the shower, stripping quickly and stepping under the too-hot spray.  The scalding water washed away the residue of her nightmare and eased her aching muscles.  As much as she wanted to, she didn’t have time to analyze what Oliver’s absence meant.  She had her job and Thea to worry about.  She wouldn’t allow herself to wallow, she wouldn’t feel sorry for herself.  She would go on with her life and let Oliver come to her when he was ready to talk.

Forty minutes later, showered and dressed and prepared to face the day, Felicity went to Thea’s room and woke her niece.  She grumbled, never having been a morning person, and whined about getting out of bed.  It took the promise of French toast to get her moving but once she was up and in the bathroom, Felicity made her way to the kitchen.

She threw Thea’s breakfast together quickly, setting a plate on the kitchen table just as she appeared in the doorway. 

“You ready for your spelling test today?” she asked.

Thea shrugged, “I guess.”

Felicity smiled at her, “We practiced for two days.  You know those words, babe.  You’ll be fine.”

Thea shrugged again and ate more of her breakfast.  Felicity didn’t push her.  Mornings around their house were pretty much the same.  Thea hated being up early – Felicity didn’t like it much herself – and getting her to speak more than a few words before 9 a.m. wasn’t an easy task.  That particular morning was just par for the course.

While Thea was upstairs brushing her teeth, Felicity cleaned the kitchen and pulled on her coat.

“Come on, kiddo, we’re going to be late.”

Thea bound down the stairs a few moments later and Felicity helped her into her coat.

“Is there anything you want me to get from the store for your lunches?” she asked, locking the door behind them and heading for the truck.

“Umm… cheese sticks.  And no more ham.  Can I have turkey this week instead?”

Felicity shook her head, laughing.

“Of course.  Sick of ham already, huh?”

Thea shrugged.  She’d requested ham for the last three weeks in a row.  She loved ham.  So the request for something new was a little out of the blue.

“Hey, what’s up with you this morning?” Felicity asked, backing out onto the road and turning up the heat.

Thea shrugged again, “Nothing, Aunt Felicity.”

Glancing at her in the rear view mirror, she found the little girl staring out of the window absently.  She’d been quieter than usual the last couple of days and Felicity wondered what was bothering her.  She had a feeling she already knew.

“What’s wrong, honey?”

This time Thea sighed, “When can I see Uncle Oliver again?  It’s been a whole week.  Longer than a week.  Why doesn’t he want to see me?”

It was Felicity’s turn to sigh.  She turned left onto Howard Drive and pulled into the queue of traffic for Thea’s elementary school.

“It isn’t you that Uncle Oliver doesn’t want to see, baby.  I – I think he just needed a little time to think about some stuff,” she explained.

“He doesn’t want to see you?  Did he remember you?  Does he know you’re his wife?” Thea asked.

Felicity nodded, “He knows.  But he didn’t remember me.  I told him.  And I don’t know if I should have.  But you have to know that Uncle Oliver loves you, Thea.  He would never do anything to hurt you.  Maybe… how about I call him today and ask him to have dinner with us this week?  Would that be okay with you?”

Thea looked skeptical.

“But he doesn’t want to see you.”

Felicity shrugged, “Maybe he’s had enough time to think.  It can’t hurt to ask, right?”

She smiled, her whole demeanor changing, and nodded enthusiastically.

“Okay!  Can we have pizza when Uncle Oliver comes over?  It’s his favorite.”

Felicity grinned, “I know, kiddo, I remember.  We’ll see though, okay?”

The pulled up in front of the school and Lyla Diggle, John’s wife and Thea’s principal, opened her door.

“Good morning, Miss Thea!”

Thea hopped out, waving at Felicity as she called goodbye, spotting a group of her friends and running to meet them.

Lyla shook her head, “How’s it going, Felicity?”

She nodded, “It’s going.  You know how it is with that one, life very rarely slows down for us.”

Lyla laughed.

“I know exactly what you mean.  Stop by and have lunch on Thursday?” she asked.

“Sounds good.  I’ll call you.”

She said goodbye to Lyla and pulled back out into the line of traffic.  Star City was a small town and Felicity recognized most of the other parents dropping off their children, waving at the few who waved at her from the warmth of their vehicles.  It only took a few moments to travel the five miles to Verdant and she parked on the street out front, hurrying through the cold January morning and into the restaurant.

Sara was in the kitchen prepping for the lunch service when Felicity pushed through the door.

“Hey.”

“Hey, what are you doing here?  I thought Iris and Helena were working the lunch shift today.”

Felicity ducked into her office and grabbed the schedule planner she’d left on her desk.  She waved it at Sara as she crossed to the coffee pot.

“They are.  I’m off today.  But I forgot this and I haven’t finished the schedule for next month.”

She poured herself a cup of the extra-strong brew Sara was known for and sighed as she took her first sip.  She leaned against the counter and watched her friend push another potato through the slicer.

“Nyssa told me about Oliver,” Sara said, eyeing Felicity over her shoulder.

Felicity sighed, “I don’t… God, I don’t know how to do this, Sara.  I take it she told you everything?  About his amnesia?  How he doesn’t – how he doesn’t remember me?”

The other woman nodded.

“How is she taking all of it?” Felicity asked, “I mean, I know he doesn’t remember her either.  It has to be hard for her.  She and Oliver were so close growing up.  They were what, four I think, when Claudia adopted her?  They grew up together.  They were more like brother and sister than cousins.  These two little kids surrounded by adults.  And for him to come home after just a few years and have no recollection of who she is or what she means to him, I –“

“Am in exactly the same boat.  I’m sure she feels about the same way that you do.  She’s devastated.  But she’s doing what she can to get by.  And she’s been spending a lot of time with him.  Talking to him, telling him about her life… our life.  It’s helping.  Her more than him, I think, but she seems to feel good about what little progress they’ve made.”

Felicity nodded and stared at her shoes.  She really needed to clean her boots. 

“’Lis.”

She blinked up at Sara, tears burning her eyes again, and shook her head.

“I haven’t seen him in a week, Sara.”

Her friend moved away from her prep station and leaned against the table beside her. 

“I don’t know what I would do if something like this happened to me,” Sara told her, “If Nyssa suddenly couldn’t remember me, if she didn’t … if she didn’t recognize me or remember that she loves me.  It has to be hell.”

She laughed sadly, “Understatement of the year, right there.”

“I heard you told him.  That you’re his wife.  That the two of you are married.”

Felicity shrugged, “He asked.  And I wasn’t going to lie to him.  Oliver and I don’t lie to each other.  He already knew that he was married, the Army psychologist that treated him after the accident told him that much, but no one would tell him who I was.  Even his parents.  Did Nyssa tell you that he’d asked?  He asked Robert and Moira about his wife but they wouldn’t tell him about me.”

“Oh trust me, I heard all about it.  Nyssa was furious.  She came home that first night and went on and on about it.  She hasn’t really spoken to Moira since.  She sees Oliver every couple of days but she avoids Moira like the plague.”

Nyssa had never been one to hide her feelings.  If she was angry or sad or frustrated, she let you know.  Felicity had no doubt that she’d let Oliver’s mother know exactly how she felt about keeping secrets.

“He couldn’t remember Laurel, either.  I – I had to tell him about her.  About my mom and the accident.  Jesus, Sara, this is all…”

Sara took her hand and squeezed, “You’re not alone, ‘Lis.  We’re all here for you, you know that.”

Felicity nodded, her free hand slipping beneath her glasses to wipe at a stray tear.

“I think I might’ve scared him off,” she mumbled, “I – After I told him that we were married, we went back to the house.  He wanted to see it.  So I took him there and I think… it was too much.  I kind of lost it and got mad at him and I was crying and, god, I acted like a crazy person.  He hasn’t been back since.”

Sara let out a huff, “You haven’t seen him because he isn’t here.  He’s in Coast City with his parents.  There’s some bigshot neurologist there that Robert and Moira wanted him to see.  They’ve been gone for a few days.  I highly doubt he’s avoiding you, ‘Lis.”

The relief that she felt nearly took her legs out from under her.  She’d worried herself into exhaustion, even though she refused to admit it, thinking that Oliver wanted nothing to do with her.  At least now she knew there was a reason she hadn’t seen him, why he hadn’t been around.

Sara misread the way Felicity’s body trembled where their shoulders were pressed together.

“Don’t worry.  It’ll come back to him.  Oliver Queen has been head over heels in love with you for as long as I can remember.  There’s nothing on Earth that could change that.  And even if he doesn’t exactly remember you, don’t think for a second that he won’t fall in love with you all over again,” Sara assured her, “Oliver will come back to you, ‘Lis, and you’ll have this amazing love story to tell your kids someday.”

Felicity laughed, shaking her head, and straightened.  She took another long pull of her coffee.

“How’s Thea doing with everything?” Sara asked, going back to her station to continue prepping the French fries.

Grateful for the change of subject, Felicity shrugged.

“As well as can be expected, I guess.”

“She knows what’s going on?”

She nodded, “To some extent.  I explained it to her in the best way that I could but, really, how much detail am I supposed to give an eleven year old?”

“True.  But Oliver remembers her, right?  He knew who she was when he saw her again?”

Felicity shrugged, “Yes and no.  He told me that he thinks a lot of what he remembers actually came from Tommy.  He remembers the stories that Tommy told him about Thea, he doesn’t actually remember her or being around her.  At least, he doesn’t think he does.  Of course, Thea doesn’t get any of that.  She’s just thrilled because, in her mind, he remembers her.  She hasn’t been thrown off by it too much.”

“She’s lucky.”

She snorted ruefully, “Tell me about it.”

Felicity stood out of Sara’s way and watched her work.  They’d been friends for a long time.  They’d started school together and even though Felicity had graduated early, they’d remained friends.  When her parents had moved away after Laurel’s death, Sara had elected to stay in Star City.  When she had married Nyssa the previous summer, Felicity had been her matron of honor.

“It’s been forever since we’ve all hung out, you and Nyssa and me, and I’m sorry.  It’s just… sometimes it feels like my whole life revolves around this bar and Thea and everything else just kind of falls to the wayside.  And, you know, with the holidays last month and things with my dad, I haven’t really had time for a lot.”

Sara stopped what she was doing and turned to Felicity, her hands on her hips and a frown on her face.

“Hey, I totally get it.  Don’t beat yourself up, Felicity.  I haven’t said anything for a reason.  I see you pretty much every day.  I know what you’re life is like.  And Nyssa understands.  I’m sure now that Oliver’s back, with everything that’s going on with him, you’re probably in need of a break.”

She struggled to fight the emotion that Sara’s words evoked.  Felicity had always been incredibly thankful for her friends and to know that they understood, that no one needed an explanation, only made her love them more.  She resisted the urge to hug Sara.

“God, yes.”

Sara laughed, “See if Moira will watch Thea sometime this weekend.  I think we’re both off on Saturday.  Let’s go out.  See a movie.  Go to dinner.  Whatever you want.”

“Ha, yeah, not sure how well that will go over.  Lord knows she’s not going to be happy when she sees me again.”

Sara grinned, “Just hang in there, ‘Lis.  Everything will get better.  Moira will get over it and Oliver will come back to you.  He promised, remember?”

Felicity bit her lip and shook her head, feeling heat rush to her cheeks.

“Yeah, Sara, I remember.”

 

_~~Dear Felicity,~~ _

_It seems weird to even write that.  That’s not me, not how I talk, how we talk to each other.  ‘Hey babe’ would’ve been much more appropriate, right?  But whatever, it doesn’t matter._

_Hi sweetheart, how are you?  I miss you.  God, Felicity, I miss you more than you will ever know.  I wish that I could tell you where we are and what we’re doing but we both know that I can’t do that.  I can tell you that Tommy and I are safe.  The food is shit (I could do way better) and the accommodations aren’t exactly five-star but we’re both doing okay._

_I know I’ve already said it once, but I miss you so much.  I miss those big blue eyes and how just one look from you tells me everything that I could ever need to know.  I miss your body, the way your hips move when you walk, those sweet dimples at the small of your back, the rise and fall of your chest… Shit, I miss you.  Dreams of you are all that keep me going out here most days._

_According to your brother and Harper and Palmer, I’m a fucking sap.  I’ve been told that I never stop talking about you.  Doesn’t matter though.  They’re just jealous.  Jealous that I’ve got such a gorgeous wife (not Tommy because that would be fucking weird, even for him) and that I love you so damn much.  I love you and five months is too damn long to be away from you.  I don’t care what it takes, when I came home we’re going to find somewhere else for Tommy and Thea to stay for a few days.  Doesn’t matter what bullshit excuse I have to give Tommy, he’s going to take his kid and give me some time alone with you even if I have to shell out an all-expenses paid trip to Disney or something.  I guess I could just tell him the truth.  That I want him out of my house so I can screw my wife for a few days straight.  He probably wouldn’t appreciate that very much given that my wife is his baby sister.  I’m sure he’d try to kick my ass for that one._

_How are things with your dad and the bar?  You’ll tell me if he’s being a total jackass, right?  I know I’m on the other side of the world, but I’ll find a way to make his life a living hell if he hurts you._

_I know that it’s been hard.  You gave up so much to stay and take on Verdant when you really didn’t have to.  No one would blame you if you sold it.  If you went back to doing what you love rather than hanging onto that place.  Tommy and I have talked about this.  We’ll both support you no matter what.  You’re brilliant.  There’s so much more out there for you than that small town and that damn bar.  Whenever you’re ready to move on, you let me know._

_I’m praying that my parents aren’t driving you crazy.  I know my mom can be a bit much and that she comes across as a controlling bitch but you’ve always had steel in your spine.  Stand up to her.  She loves you and she does respect you, she just doesn’t always know how to show it.  And if she does piss you off, just remind her that whatever she says will get back to me and that should keep her in line for a while._

_How’s the house look?  Were you and Thea able to get any painting done?  I know Tommy and I left you with a lot to do so don’t worry about getting it done before we come home.  We’ll take care of whatever’s left.  I hope that you at least have time to get those pictures up.  All the ones from the wedding.  The few from after.  I have one of those pictures on me, you know which one.  It’s always with me.  You’re always with me.  God, if only you knew the shit I’ve done with that picture…_

_Apparently being surrounded by thirty-five sweaty assholes for the last few months has turned me into a rambling idiot without a filter.  You probably didn’t need to hear that last part about the picture.  Sorry._

_I wish that I had more time to put into words everything that you mean to me, baby, but there never seems to be enough time.  I had to find the most isolated spot in this shithole just to write this because the jackasses that I’m out here with wouldn’t give me five fucking minutes of peace.  The first chance I get, I’ll call._

_You asked me for one thing before I left.  You asked me to promise you that I would come home.  I love you, Felicity Queen, and I promise you that, no matter what happens, I will always come home to you._

_Love, Oliver_


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another huge thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed. I love hearing from all of you. And to my beta, westernbeauty, again, thank you so much for all of your support!

**Chapter Eight**

“Uncle Oliver!”

Felicity’s steps faltered as she watched Thea run up the walk and launch herself into Oliver’s arms.  He caught her with ease, swinging her around and making her squeal.  When he set her on her feet again, he ruffled her hair playfully.

“Hey, kid, how was school?”

Thea shrugged, “It was okay.  Do you wanna play Mario with me?”

Oliver shot her a quick look before crouching down to Thea’s level. 

“You should probably check with Aunt Felicity first.  I’m gonna guess you’ve got homework to do, right?”

Felicity had no doubt that the mention of homework had her niece rolling her eyes.  Thea had never been a big fan of school and doing schoolwork at home was one of her least favorite things.

“Uncle Oliver is right.  You know the rule.  Homework first and then you can play your game.  Maybe he’ll stick around for dinner and you two can play for a while, okay?”

Thea bounced on her heels and grinned at Oliver.

“Will you?  Please Uncle Oliver?  Please?”

He nodded and stood, tugging a long curl.

“Sure, Thea.  But I need to talk to your aunt for a minute.  Why don’t you go get started on your homework, okay?”

Appeased that he wasn’t going anywhere, Thea raced back to her for the key before letting herself into the house.  Felicity could only hope that her coat and shoes wouldn’t be in a pile just inside the door when they went inside.

“Do you want to go in?  It’s pretty damn cold out here.”

He shook his head, “We should probably stay out here if that’s okay with you.  I just didn’t think you’d want Thea to…”

“It’s fine.  What’s up?”

Felicity moved up onto the porch and followed him as he went to the porch swing.  He sat and she hesitated for just a moment before sitting down next to him.  She was freezing, huddled down into her coat as much as possible, and she felt him shift nervously next to her. 

She braced herself for whatever it was that he had to say.  It was difficult to ignore the warmth that radiated from his body.  She longed to press herself into his side.  They had spent more than one cool, autumn night wrapped around one another on the swing, keeping each other warm.  It had been the place where he’d kissed her for the first time and the last place where he’d told her he loved her.  She knew that he wasn’t aware of the swing’s significance.  There was no way that he could know how much of an affect sitting there with him was having on her heart.

“Is everything alright?” she asked when he’d been quiet for too long.

“Everything’s fine.  At least, it’s as good as it’s going to get until my memory comes back.”

She swallowed hard, nodding.

“Okay.  Then… then what did you want to talk to me about?”

Oliver took a deep breath, his feet on the floor rocking the swing gently.

“I went to Coast City this week.  To see a specialist.”

“I know, Nyssa told Sara and Sara told me.”

He pulled the collar of his jacket up to protect his face from the icy wind and ducked his head. 

“He told me that the best thing for someone in my condition is to try to go about my life as normally as possible.  To just keep living the way that I had before the accident.  He thinks it’d be best if I try to pick up where I left off.  Even if I can’t exactly remember where that was before leaving for Iraq, he still suggested that I get back into my normal routine.”

Felicity stared at him and waited for him to continue.  When he lifted his head to search her face, her breath caught.

“I think – I think that I should be here.  With you and Thea.”

Felicity nodded slowly, “Oh… okay.  Um, what – what do your parents think about that?  I mean, your mom didn’t even want me to tell you about us.”

“It isn’t her decision to make,” he told her, shrugging, “The only opinion that matters to me right now is yours.  I know that it’s asking a lot, given everything, but I’d really like to be able to remember who I was before all of this and if being here with the two of your helps with that, then I want to be here.  I’d – I’d really like to come home.”

She took a stuttering breath and averted her eyes, looking out onto the snow covered yard.

It would be far too easy to say yes.  To give in without considering any of the consequences.  He belonged there with them, there was no question, but at the same time, she had to think about how Thea would feel.  She had to think about her own fragile emotions.  Having him there with them, in their home, would mean the world to her.  But it wouldn’t change anything until he did remember her.  He would simply be in closer proximity and Felicity feared that having him nearby would hurt more than it would help.

“I – I’m not sure how we’ll explain it to Thea,” she told him carefully, “And I’ve got to consider how she’ll feel having you’re here when she knows what’s going on.  Everything’s – everything’s different now, you and I are different.  She’ll be able to pick up on that.”

“I understand.”

“And your parents… I don’t want them to hate me.  Things have been good for the last few years, we’ve had a good relationship and I don’t want you moving back in here to ruin that.  I don’t want to piss off your mother if I don’t have to.”

He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Please don’t worry about my mother.  She and I had a very strongly worded conversation about this.  She understands that it’s my life, my decision.  She knows that I’m here now, that I wanted to discuss it with you.  And she understands that the choice is yours, not hers.”

Felicity scrubbed at her face with her gloved hand and sighed.  She turned back to Oliver and found him watching her.

“Before I agree to this, I need you to tell me something.  Are you doing this because you feel obligated to be here?  In this house?  With me?  Because unless you actually want to be here, then – then I don’t think it’s the best idea.  I don’t want you to think that you owe me anything.  If it turns out that you can’t ever remember me or what we had then –“

Her voice cracked and a lump formed in her throat.  She swallowed hard.  Oliver grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly and pulling her closer.

“I’m sorry that I – God, I’m just sorry.  But you have to understand, I want to be here because I want to remember you.  I want to remember us.  I – I feel something when I’m here with you, something that I only feel with you.  Please, I really think that going back to the way things were could really help jog my memory.”

Tucked under Oliver’s arm, the heat of his body seeping into her, Felicity felt the ache that had settled in her bones begin to ease.  There wasn’t a question of how desperately she wanted him there with her, in their house and in their bed, but she knew that it wouldn’t be that simple.  There was one very large obstacle that they would have to overcome and Felicity hoped that she was about to make the right decision for all of them.

“O – Okay.  You can stay here.  I still think we should talk to Thea and just make sure she’s alright with it, but if it’ll help you heal, then you can move back in.”

They remained on the swing until the bitter cold chased them inside.  Felicity shed her coat and boots just inside the door, not at all surprised to find Thea’s on the floor as she’d suspected, and called up the stairs to her niece.

“Thea?  Are you doing your homework?”

“Yes, Aunt Felicity!”

She shook her head, hanging the coats on the rack near the door and heading for the kitchen.  Oliver followed after her, having left his coat on the hook beside hers.

“What’s it like?  The day to day with her?  Do you two have a routine?” he asked.

Felicity shrugged, “It’s pretty much the same day after day.  We’ve just gotten so used to it, you know?  It’s been us for five years, me and her, so yeah, there’s a routine.  I pick her up from school at four and when we get home, she goes straight to homework mode.  While she’s doing that, I get dinner started.  Usually she’ll finish her homework while I’m working on dinner and she likes to come and help when she can.  We always have dinner at the kitchen table.  Unless it’s a special occasion, like movie night or something, and then we’ll camp out on the couch.  Um… I’m not always home for dinner.  I work the dinner shift at Verdant on the weekends, Friday and Saturday both most of the time, but I try to be home with her every other night.”

“Did you work today?” Oliver asked.

“Not today.  It’s my one day off this week.  But it’s nice because I’m the boss and I make the schedule.  Plus, everyone on my staff is pretty accommodating.  I’m the only one with a kid so they’re all pretty willing to help out.”

“And where does she go on the weekends?”

Felicity pulled the ingredients for a chicken and stuffing casserole from the refrigerator and cabinets, moving about the kitchen on autopilot as Oliver took a seat at the island.  She set up a cutting board and grabbed a knife from the block.  Tackling the onion first, she shrugged and answered his question.

“Sometimes to your parents, sometimes to the Lances.  It just depends.  She spends a lot of time with Nyssa and Sara, they’re her aunts, too.  But yeah, the weekends are kind of a struggle.”

She shot him a tentative smile and he returned it before she went back to dicing.

“Do you – do you ever think that maybe Tommy made a mistake leaving her with us?  That maybe she would’ve been better off with Laurel’s parents?”

The knife in her hand glanced off of the onion and the sudden burn in her fingertip confirmed what she’d already suspected.  She dropped the knife, letting it clatter against the countertop, and grabbed a paper towel off of the roll.

“Shit, Felicity, I’m sorry,” he mumbled, jumping up from his seat and rounding the counter to take her hand.  He lifted her injured finger and examined the cut, “I – I didn’t mean it like that.  I just… I guess I just wondered if you ever thought about what your life would be like if you hadn’t become her mother at twenty-three.”

Oliver turned on the tap and guided her hand into the stream of water.

She sighed, “It’s fine, Oliver, really.  People have children much younger than twenty-three.  And … and we had this argument once.  Right after Tommy died.  It was via satellite phone but it was still an argument.”

Felicity stuck her finger in her mouth for just a second before drying her hands.  Oliver was looking at her curiously and she knew that he was waiting for her to explain.  She shrugged.

“When Tommy and Laurel had the paperwork drawn up that granted me guardianship if anything were to happen to them, it was before we were married.  It only listed me.  So after Tommy died, we had a very long and heated discussion about adopting her.  About you adopting her.  I did question it.  We both did.  But in the end, we agreed.  She was happy here with me and neither of us wanted to disrupt that.”

Thea chose that moment to skip into the kitchen, slapping her homework folder down on the table.

“Done!”

“I’ll look it over in just a minute,” Felicity told her, “Let me get dinner in the oven first.”

“I’ll do it,” Oliver offered, glancing at her for permission, “If you don’t mind.”

Felicity smiled at his hopeful expression.  It was a simple request but it was a step in the right direction.  He was trying to slip back into normal life, to find his place in their lives specifically, and checking Thea’s homework was an easy way for him to find his footing.

“Yeah, of course, have at it.”

She watched as he sat beside Thea at the table and opened her folder.  They started with a math worksheet and as she listened to Oliver calmly explain where she’d made a few mistakes, Felicity went back to making dinner.

By the time she’d gotten the casserole in the oven, they’d moved on to spelling.

“Oh you know this one,” Oliver teased, “Spell  _military._ ”

Thea grinned brightly, “M-i-l-i-t-a-r-y.  Military.”

“Perfect.  How about  _independence._ ”

She paused and squeezed her eyes shut as if she were trying to picture the word in her head.  When she looked at Oliver again, she tried slowly.

“I-n-d-a-p-d-e-n-d-e-n-c-e?”

“Really close,” Oliver told her, “Try again.  Sound it out, okay?  In- _de-_ pendence.”

She took a moment to think about it before giving it another try.

“I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-c-e?"

“Exactly!”

Oliver grinned and gave her a high five, making her giggle.

Felicity washed her hands and loaded the dishwasher as they worked their way through the rest of the list.  By the time she joined them at the table, Thea’s homework had been put away and they were playing a game of tic-tac-toe on a scrap sheet of paper.  She watched them play two games – Oliver letting Thea win them both – interrupting before her niece could start a third.

“Sweetie, there’s something that Uncle Oliver and I want to talk to you about.”

Thea looked back and forth between the two of them, eyeing them critically.

“Does Uncle Oliver remember you now?” she asked eventually.

“No, hon-“

“I’m afraid not, sweetheart.  I wish that I did, but no.”

Warmth rushed to her cheeks as she cast a sidelong glance at Oliver.  He continued on as if he hadn’t noticed her staring.

“But we were wondering how you’d feel if I moved back in here.  With you and Aunt Felicity.  Would that be okay with you?”

Thea shrugged, “Married people are supposed to live together … you and Aunt Felicity are still married, right?”

Oliver looked over at her and they both nodded.

“Of course we are,” he assured her.

She shrugged again, “Okay.”

Oliver seemed surprised by Thea’s easy acceptance of the situation but the truth was, Felicity hadn’t expected her to put up much of a fight.  She had been fairly confident that her niece would be happy with the development.  She had already asked once why Oliver hadn’t come home to live with them and Felicity understood that not having him there with them was probably more confusing for her than having him at home.

“Are you gonna spend the night?” Thea asked, “Will you take me to school tomorrow?”

Felicity shook her head and they spoke at the same time.

“I’ll take you, Thea, it’s –“

“If that’s okay with –“

She and Oliver turned to one another and a sudden stretch of silence was drawn between them.

Felicity’s heart made its way into her throat.  She hadn’t anticipated that he would be there so soon.  They hadn’t really discussed the details of when he would move back in but she had assumed that he’d go back to his parents’ house for a night or two.  The prospect of having him under the same roof again, of having him sleeping in their home, stirred up the butterflies in her stomach.

“Do you… do you want to stay tonight?” she asked.

Oliver nodded, “If it’s alright with you…”

She swallowed hard, “Yeah.  That – that sounds good.”

“Good.”

Thea squirmed restlessly in her seat, the movement drawing their attention away from one another and back to her.  Felicity smiled. 

“Can Uncle Oliver and I play  _Mario_ now?” Thea asked.

When Felicity looked at Oliver again, she found that his eager smirk matched Thea’s.  She knew that she would forever be in trouble if the two of them continued to gang up on her.

She rolled her eyes.

“Fine but you’ve got less than an hour before dinner.”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again for your kind words and support. I’m so glad that everyone is enjoying this ride with me. And, as usual, I have to say thank you to my beta, westernbeauty, you’re incredible!

**Chapter Nine**

“Oliver, Thea, dinner!”

She couldn’t fight the smile on her face as she called her husband and niece into the kitchen.  It had been years since she’d called anyone other than Thea to a meal and the simple knowledge that Oliver was there with them made her heart flutter.  She’d missed him.  She had missed everything about having him beside her, so much so that even something as small as being able to sit down and share a meal with him was overwhelming.

Felicity had just set the casserole on the table when Oliver and Thea came into the room.  They were bickering playfully over the video game that they’d been playing as they took their seats.

“It smells great, Felicity.”

Oliver’s compliment made her blush as she dropped into her chair.

“Thank you.”

“Aunt Felicity is a really good cook,” Thea told him.

Oliver glanced at Felicity and she shook her head at Thea.

“What have I told you about lying?”

Thea giggled, hiding her smirk behind her hand and Oliver looked between them, clearly confused.

“I’m… not the best cook,” Felicity admitted, “Not by a long shot.  There are about a dozen staples that I’ve perfected over the years but if you ask me to make something new well… let’s just say I’ve mastered the art of burning water.”

Thea’s giggles turned into a bout of full-on laughter and Oliver chuckled.  The easy smile that he gave her brought out her own for just a moment before a sudden sense of longing struck her.  They’d lost so much time, time that she wanted to make up for, and if he’d come home without the amnesia, Felicity would’ve been overjoyed.  She would’ve done everything in her power to show him just how much he’d been missed.  But that wasn’t an option now.  He had been home for more than a week and she hadn’t even been able to kiss him.  She’d barely held his hand.

“Aunt Felicity’s a genius, though,” Thea was saying, the surety in her voice drawing Felicity’s attention, “So it doesn’t matter if she’s a bad cook.”

Oliver turned back to her with a grin.

“Genius, huh?”

Felicity shrugged, “Technically.  I mean, if you’re going by my IQ…”

Surprise and, if she was reading him correctly, pride colored his expression.

“Really?”

“I studied electrical engineering and information security at Wells.  It’s the university in –“

“Gotham, right?” Oliver asked.

Felicity nodded, “Right.”

She held out her hand to Thea and Thea took it, giving her free hand to Oliver.  He placed his hand in hers and waited.  Thea sighed.

“We’re saying grace, Uncle Oliver,” she explained, her exasperation evident, “You have to hold Aunt Felicity’s hand, too.”

Felicity and Oliver shared a quick look before he reached for her hand.  The moment that his warm, calloused fingers enveloped hers, Felicity gasped softly.  It was the first physical contact they’d had in days and even though it was small, it wasn’t insignificant.

If either Oliver or Thea noticed her reaction, neither of them mentioned it.

“Dear god, thank you for this day and for our meal.  Thank you for Aunt Felicity and Gramma Moira and Grandpa Robert.  Thank you for Papa, too.  Please tell my momma and daddy that I miss them,” Thea prayed softly, “And thank you for bringing Uncle Oliver home even though he’s still sick.  Amen.”

Oliver’s fingers flexed where he gripped her hand and when Felicity peeked over at him, his head remained bowed and his eyes were squeezed shut.  Thea had already dropped his hand and was scooping casserole onto her plate.

“Thea, honey, can you go get the milk and a couple of glasses, please?”

Thea sighed heavily as she pushed her chair away from the table and crossed the kitchen to the refrigerator.  When she was out of earshot, Felicity tugged gently on Oliver’s hand.

“Are you okay?”

He blinked up at her and Felicity leaned back in her chair, startled by the well of emotion in his eyes.  She hadn’t seen his pain before then, not really, and while she had known that he had to be suffering, seeing the evidence of it in his eyes took her breath away.

“Oh, Oliver…”

He shook his head, “I’m sorry, I just –“

Thea chose that moment to plop down in her seat, setting the milk jug and glasses on the table in front of her.

Oliver dropped Felicity’s hand.

“Aunt Felicity, can we toast marshmallows in the fireplace tonight?” Thea asked.

Tearing her gaze from Oliver, Felicity looked to her niece.

“Not tonight, kiddo.  Maybe this weekend okay?”

Thea rolled her eyes and pushed food around on her plate.  She was pouting, which wasn’t unusual, and Felicity ignored it.  She ate her own food, her eyes traveling from her niece on her right to Oliver on her left.  After a moment, however, she found herself enthralled with Oliver.  He ate quickly, barely breathing between forkfuls of her casserole, and she couldn’t look away.  When he’d cleared his plate, she realized both she and Thea were staring at him.

Oliver pushed his plate away.

“Dinner was great, Felicity, thank you.”

Finally noticing that he was being watched, he looked somewhat sheepish.

“What?”

Thea giggled again and Felicity grinned.

“Are you sure you even tasted any of it?  You sort of inhaled that.”

He shrugged, “It was good.”

They stared at one another for a long moment and Felicity felt something shift between them.  She had an overwhelming desire to reach for him, to sift her fingers through his hair, to press her lips to the stubble on his cheek.  But she tamped it down.  They were nowhere close to being that comfortable with one another and she was terrified that they never would be again.

She cleared her throat, “Thea, clear the table please.”

Thea did as she was told, gathering all three of their plates and carrying them to the sink.  As she moved around them, Oliver leaned forward on the table and rested his head in his hands.

“Tell me something, Felicity,” he requested.

“Like what?”

Thea came back for her second trip and disappeared again. 

Oliver lifted his head, “I need to know more.  Tell me something about us, tell me anything.”

Felicity sighed and scraped her fingers through her loose curls.  She didn’t know where to begin.  There was so much that she wanted to tell him, so many memories of their life that she wanted to share.

Shrugging, she said, “I guess the most logical place to start would be at the beginning.”

“Tommy.”

“Right, Tommy,” she nodded, “The two of you met in preschool, which I think you know, so you were friends before I was even born.  My earliest memories are of the two of you running around in our backyard.  You were always together.  And as I got older, I started following both of you everywhere.  Tommy and I were close growing up, he was my best friend, and so it seems like it was always the three of us.  I wanted to be wherever Tommy was all the time.”

“So we were friends because of Tommy?” he asked.

She shrugged again, “It may have started out that way but… but when Tommy started spending time with other friends, with girls, you and I still… you were still my friend even when Tommy wasn’t with us.  Given the age difference, there wasn’t much that I was allowed to do but sometimes you’d take me for pizza or to the movies.  When you knew that Tommy was out with Laurel and I was home alone with the nanny, you’d come over and play Monopoly with me.  You kept me company a lot.  You – you were like another brother at first.  At least until I realized that I didn’t want you to be my brother.”

Oliver smiled softly, “I must’ve felt the same way if I was spending so much time with you without Tommy around.”

Felicity bit back her reply when Thea bounced back into the room and stood between them.

“Can I play Mario again?” she asked.

“I think you’re done for tonight, Thea.  How about you read for a little while and I’ll come up and say goodnight, okay?  You’re still reading _Chamber of Secrets_ , right?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you get through three more chapters and then lights out?”

“Okay,” she sighed, on the verge of pouting again, but Felicity chose to ignore it again. 

They were alone and Oliver, it seemed, wasn’t going to waste the moment.

“What changed, Felicity?” he asked, “When did you realize that you wanted something more?”

She hesitated.  Not every memory that they shared was pleasant.  Certainly at the beginning.  But the night that their relationship turned from friendship into something more was a night that she didn’t want to recall.  And she definitely didn’t want to have to explain it to Oliver.

“The other day, with my dad, you assumed that it wasn’t the first time he’d hit me and you were right.”

Oliver sat back and crossed his arms over his chest.  She found herself doing the same, mirroring his position.  She slid her finger along the underside of her wedding ring where it was fitted on her finger.  She’d been wearing it more and more since he’d come home.

“The first time that my father ever drank to the point that he became physically violent with us, I was seventeen.  You and Tommy had come home on leave and I was home from college for a few weeks that summer.  The four of us – Laurel was there, too – had taken the train to Metropolis for the day.  We dropped Laurel at home first and you and Tommy were going to take me home before hitting Verdant with a couple of your friends.”

As the memory overwhelmed her, her heart beat roughly in her chest. 

“When we got to my parents’ house, Tommy walked me inside.  It was kind of late and we weren’t sure our parents were even home.  But they were and – and we’d barely made it through the front door when my dad started in on us.  To be honest, I have no idea why he was so angry.  I do remember seeing my mom sitting on the sofa with tears in her eyes and a bright red mark on her cheek from my father’s hand.  I lost it.  I went off on my dad, saying horrible things, things I never would’ve considered saying before.  But I was so angry.  I don’t – I don’t know if that was the first time he’d ever hit my mother but it was the first time Tommy or I had ever seen it.”

“Your dad wasn’t always an alcoholic.  He wasn’t always the nicest person in the world, definitely not the most affectionate father, but I don’t remember him being such a bastard.  And your mom… the woman I remember was a fighter.  I don’t understand why she would stay with him if he was hurting her.  Or if he hurt you or Tommy.”

Felicity shrugged, “I guess we’ll never know the answer.  I tried to talk to her about it after but… but she wouldn’t tell me anything.  Anyway, something that I said really riled him because he hauled off and hit me.  He hit me so hard he knocked me on my ass.  God, I thought – I thought Tommy was going to kill him.  But my mom begged us to leave, to get out of the house, to just go away and … and it was like she was mad at us for what _he’d_ done.”

Oliver’s jaw was clenched tight.

“Where the hell was I while this was happening?  In the car?” he asked.

“We’d already said goodnight and made plans to spend the next day together,” she told him, “Like I said, you and Tommy had other plans that night.  But Tommy pretty much carried me out of the house because I was so upset and when you found out what happened, god, Oliver… I thought you were going to go back in there and murder my dad.  Tommy wouldn’t let you get out of the car.  We ended up going to your parents’ house.  You told your parents what my dad had done and Moira insisted that Tommy and I stay there until you both went back to Havenrock and I went back to Gotham.”

Oliver’s anger was palpable.  The scowl on his face would frighten anyone that it was directed at but to Felicity, it had always made her feel safe.

“You insisted that I stay in the guest room closest to you and Tommy was directly across the hall and I – I was just so upset and I didn’t want to talk about it anymore so I went up to bed.  You came in to check on me a little while later and I was a mess.  I couldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know what to do and you… you got into bed with me and held me until I feel asleep.”

She could feel the heat crawling up her chest and into her cheeks.  Oliver continued to watch her, waiting for her to continue, and she swallowed audibly. 

“You stayed with me all night.  And when we woke up the next morning we talked about us, about how we felt about each other.  You told me that I didn’t have to worry about my dad, that you would never let him hurt me.  You – you promised to take care of me.”

He leaned forward and reached for her hand.  She gave it to him, holding on tightly.

“Felicity, I’m sorry.  I – I wish that…”

She shook her head.

“Oliver, please, you don’t need to keep apologizing.  You shouldn’t have been apologizing to begin with.  None of this is your fault.  You haven’t done anything to apologize for.  Neither of us have any control over what’s happening.  I – I don’t want you to feel like you’ve done something wrong.  You haven’t.  In any way.  You have never broken the promise that you made me that day, Oliver.  You have always, _always,_ taken care of me.”

Warm tears spilled down her cheeks, startling her.  She’d been doing so well holding them back.

“I told you that I loved you that day,” she admitted softly, “You promised to take care of me and I told you that I loved you.”

“Did I say it back?”

She forced herself to smile, “You did.  That – it’s one of the best memories that I have of our relationship.  We spent an hour together, just you and me, and it was like nothing outside of that room existed.”

“And that’s when everything changed?  Your dad was the catalyst that finally pushed us together?”

She shrugged, “I guess you could say that.  But, looking back, I know it would’ve happened eventually.  It’s kind of unfortunate that that the beginning of our relationship is tainted by what my dad did.”

“How long were you in love with me before everything happened?”

Felicity shrugged again, “I – I don’t know.  I was only fourteen when you and Tommy left for basic training.  I hadn’t even graduated from high school yet.  I hardly saw you for almost two years.  But every time you came home, I was terrified that there’d be some girl with you.  I worried myself sick thinking that you’d find someone else before I could tell you how I felt.  Laurel knew, of course, from the very beginning.  She was always pushing us together, mostly after I’d turned sixteen, but I thought you didn’t notice because you never made a move.”

“Do you think that maybe it had something to do with Tommy?  Why I stayed away?  I can’t see him being too comfortable with his best friend chasing after his baby sister.  Especially when you were sixteen and I was already twenty.”

She shook her head.

“No, I – I think, in a way, Tommy always suspected that you and I would end up together.  I don’t know that he ever encouraged you to pursue me or anything, but he never tried to keep us apart.  And when we finally started telling people that we were dating, he was really supportive.”

“But that was it, huh?  The night your dad hit you for the first time and the morning after?  That was the beginning of all of this?”

“Officially I guess.”

“And unofficially?”

She grinned, “Like I said, I’d had feelings for you for a long time, I was just never sure how to tell you.  But I wrote to you almost every day.  Emails and text messages.  We at least said ‘good morning’ and ‘goodnight’ every single day.”

“I must’ve loved you even then, to make sure you knew I was thinking of you every morning and every night.  Pretty sure I wouldn’t have taken the time if I didn’t care about you,” Oliver mused.

“You told me later that you realized you loved me on my fifteenth birthday.  I had just graduated from high school and you and Tommy managed to swing leave for the day.  You’d missed graduation but neither of you had been willing to miss my birthday.  By that point, it had been close to six months since I’d seen either of you.  I was so surprised when the two of you crashed my party that I burst into tears… I never did tell Tommy that those tears were more for you than for him.”

Oliver chuckled, his eyes full of mirth, his tone teasing.

“Sounds like maybe he could’ve figured that one out on his own.”

Felicity flushed, “Yeah, he probably could have.”

“Why that birthday?” Oliver pushed, “It couldn’t have been the crying.”

She laughed, shaking her head.

“No, no it definitely wasn’t the crying.  Neither of you had a lot of time or money to get me a gift.  Hell, Tommy didn’t even bother getting me a card, but you – you made me a necklace.  At the time, I was really into archery – _don’t ask_ – and you took an arrowhead and somehow made it into a beautiful star pendant.  When I opened it, I was so overwhelmed that my hands were shaking and I couldn’t undo the clasp.  You helped me put it on… and a couple of years later you told me that you loved me because I loved that necklace.  Because I had acted like it was the most important gift that anyone had given me.  It was.  It was gorgeous and perfect and it meant the world to me because it came from you.  I cherished it.”

Oliver watched her for a long time, his intense eyes never leaving her face, and she met his gaze.  She waited for him to say something.

“Do you still have it?” he asked eventually.

She smiled and fished beneath the collar of her sweatshirt for the chain that she always wore around her neck.  It was the same one that she used to keep her wedding band and engagement ring safe while she was working.  She held up the pendant for him to see.

“I’ve never taken it off.”

Oliver leaned forward and slid his finger along the chain, holding up the star to examine it more closely. 

He was closer than he’d been all evening, so much so that she could smell just a hint of pine and leather from his aftershave, and the scent left her lightheaded.  She squeezed her eyes shut briefly.

“We were really happy, weren’t we?” Oliver murmured, “Happy and in love?”

Felicity nodded, fearing that she wouldn’t be able to reply without crying, and blinked her eyes open to find he’d moved infinitesimally closer. 

She swallowed hard, “Deliriously so.”

Oliver released the necklace, letting it fall to her chest, and stood.  He reached for her hand, tugging her to her feet and into the circle of his arms.

“I have a feeling it’s going to be easy,” he whispered, “Falling in love with you again.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone who is taking the time to read this and to review, you’re all amazing!

**Chapter Ten**

_She slid into the passenger’s seat of Oliver’s truck and slammed the door.  He lowered the volume of the radio, leaning in to kiss her, but Felicity pulled away.  He paused and took in her expression._

_“What is it?  What’s wrong?”_

_She shook her head, “Nothing.  Let’s get out of here.”_

_But Oliver made no move to drive away from her parents’ home._

_“Tell me.  What did he do, Felicity?  Did he hurt you?  Did that asshole hit –“_

_“Oliver, please!  I just want to go.”_

_He hesitated and Felicity knew that he was weighing his options.  He was no doubt debating if he should force himself inside – he’d been itching to confront her father for months -  and she could only hope she could keep him in the truck with her if his anger got the better of him.  Every time that she was upset, every time there was something bothering her, he wanted to blame it on her father._

_The truck reversed suddenly and Felicity jerked in her seat.  Her eyes flew to Oliver, examining the scowl on his face as a tense silence filled the air around them.  He drove toward the abandoned lighthouse on the other side of town.  When they’d parked in the dim glow of the full moon overhead, Oliver turned to her expectantly._

_“Felicity, sweetheart, I can’t do anything if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”_

_She sighed as a few tears slipped out._

_“I got a job offer from Lucius Fox,” she told him, “It’s a paid internship at Wayne Enterprises.  Three months working in their Applied Sciences division.  It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity.”_

_He smiled brightly at her and lifted his hand to cup her jaw.  His thumb caught another tear as it slid down her cheek._

_“Baby, that’s incredible.  I’m so proud of you.”_

_She shook her head, “I – I can’t take it.”_

_“What?  Why not?”_

_Swallowing hard, Felicity closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his palm._

_“My father threatened to cut me off,” she whispered, “He – he won’t help us pay for the wedding.  For any of it.  He said he wouldn’t… he said he wouldn’t even walk me down the aisle.”_

_Silence descended again, this time stretching even longer, and Felicity could only imagine what Oliver was thinking.  He hated her father.  He had ever since the first time that she’d been a victim of his abuse and wedding or no wedding, Oliver would never be willing to accept him.  But Felicity couldn’t walk away from the man who’d raised her.  She didn’t live under his roof anymore and she didn’t see him on a regular basis, but to have him cut her off completely made her heart ache._

_“Sweetheart, look at me please.”_

_She did as he asked, sniffling and dashing away her tears with the tips of her fingers._

_“I know that you want him there, I do, and I would never begrudge you that.  But your father has no right to ask you not to take this internship.  I don’t even need to know what his reasoning is.  You earned it, it’s everything you’ve ever dreamed off, and I won’t let him take it away from you.  We’ll pay for the wedding ourselves if that’s what it takes, don’t worry about that.”_

_Felicity nodded, “I – It’s just not fair, Oliver.”_

_He sighed and pulled her across the seat and into his arms.  Her head fell to his shoulder and Oliver pressed a kiss to her temple._

_“I know, sweetheart, I’m sorry.  But everything is going to be okay.  It’s going to be fine.”_

The bed dipped under the added weight and Felicity rolled towards Oliver the moment that he’d settled behind her.  He gathered her into his chest, his arms banding around her, and she pressed her face into the warm cotton of his sweatshirt.

Sobs wracked her body, tearing their way out of her and leaving her throat raw.  She had tried to smother them, to hide of extent of her anguish, but it was all too much.  The emotions that she’d fought to bury since Oliver had come back to Star City had been brewing for days, erupting into the storm that now threatened to suffocate her.

After she’d said goodnight to Thea and tucked her in, Felicity had returned to the living room to find Oliver on the sofa with the television on.  She’d set the blankets and pillow she’d brought down on one end and took the chair farthest from him.  He’d been watching coverage of some sport or another but she didn’t bother to pay attention.  They’d remained silent, the lack of conversation making her stomach churn, and Felicity had ached with the urge to go to him.  She had wanted nothing more than to curl up with him, to settle against his side with his arm around her and her head on his chest. 

She’d barely lasted an hour before she’d said goodnight and escaped to her bedroom.  The tears had come quickly and she’d done her best to mask them by pressing her face into her pillow.

“Please don’t cry, Felicity,” Oliver murmured, his lips at her ear, “I hate that I’m making you cry.”

Her hands fisted in his shirt, clutching him tightly, anchoring herself to him.

Fear and doubt swirled inside of her, mixing toxically with the agony she felt as she trembled in his arms.  She shouldn’t have let him get so close.  She should have asked him to leave.  He didn’t know her, that hadn’t changed, and even though her feelings for him were no different than they’d been before he’d come home, she knew that having him in her bed was too much too soon.  But Felicity couldn’t find it in herself to ask him to go.

She needed him, needed her husband, and amnesia or not, Oliver was still her husband.  He had always been her rock, her sanctuary, and in that moment she needed the comfort that only his presence could provide.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped, unable to stop the flow her tears as they continued to fall.

“Shh, sweetheart, it’s alright.”

Oliver’s hand moved along her back, his fingers trailing the length of her spine soothingly, and she shuddered.  He pressed his lips to her forehead.

“I – Is this … is this okay?” she whispered, her cheeks burning, “Being here with me, I mean.  Are you – are you okay?”

Oliver’s free hand touched her cheek, urging her to look up at him.  He brushed the tears from her face.

“I’m fine, Felicity.  I want to be here.”

She nodded, swallowing hard, and closed her eyes.  Pressing her forehead into the curve of his shoulder, she focused on calming her erratic heartbeat and breathed him in.  For five years she had slept alone in their bed and dreamed of the man that she loved and the warmth of his embrace.  When she’d dreamt of seeing him again, she’d never imagined that this would be the situation that they’d find themselves in.

“I’m sorry.  I wasn’t… I’m not… god, I don’t even know.”

His lips grazed the top of her head as his hand continued its trek along her spine.  When he reached her shoulder, his fingers kneading at the knotted muscles there, she had to bite back a moan.

“Stop worrying, please?  It’s really okay,” he assured her, “Are you alright?  Can we talk?”

She pulled away only enough so that she could see his face.  If they were going to talk she wasn’t going to hide.

“I’m better now.  Thank you.  What did you… what do you want to talk about?”

Oliver shrugged, “I guess I just want to try to fill in the blanks.  We started dating after Tommy and I enlisted, right?  We were already stationed in Havenrock?”

“Right.  You’d been there for about two and a half years by then.”

“We probably didn’t see each other much,” Oliver guessed, “If I was in Havenrock and you were at school in Gotham.  Obviously we found a way to make it work.”

She nodded, “We did.  I mean, there are plenty of ways to get from Havenrock to Gotham and vice versa.  Lots of buses, cars and trains.  If I wasn’t able to come to you, you came to me.  Our deal was three weeks.  We never went more than three weeks without seeing each other.  And if I couldn’t get to Havenrock and you couldn’t make it to Gotham then we’d meet in the middle.  We’d come home.”

“Here?  Our house?”

She nodded again, “You bought this house before we got together.  It was a project more than anything.  It had been abandoned at some point and sat empty for the longest time.  You didn’t have a lot of money – you refused to take a penny from your parents – so you thought that you’d buy this place and fix it up, take your time with it.”

“I used to bribe the guys with beer and pizza to come over and help me get shit done.  Tommy and John and … Ronnie, right?  Cait’s husband?”

Felicity grinned, “Right.  Only you weren’t old enough to buy beer so Tommy would lift it from the storeroom at Verdant.”

Oliver chuckled and shook his head.

“He was always taking shit from the bar.  I have no idea how he never got caught.”

She shrugged, “My mom always knew but she covered for him.  Dad never found out for sure that it was Tommy.”

For a long moment, neither of them spoke.  She listened to his slow, steady breaths as she studied his expression.  There was recognition in his eyes and she knew that he was remembering her mother for the incredible woman that she had been.  She also saw acceptance there and she wondered what it was that she’d said that he was choosing to believe. 

“Felicity?”

“Yeah?”

“Will you tell me about yourself?”

She frowned, “What more do you want to know?  I mean, you’ve been exposed to a lot of my … eccentricities in the last couple of days.  Hell, the last couple of hours really… this is pretty much me.”

Oliver brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, the gesture more of a reflex, and Felicity tried to hide her body’s response.  She hoped that he didn’t notice the way her breath stuttered in her chest.

“I wouldn’t say anything I’ve seen so far qualifies as an eccentricity.  Quirk, maybe… but I don’t – I don’t know.  I feel like I don’t know enough.  I want to know everything.”

It took a second for her to regain control over her short-circuiting brain.  She was certain that she was gaping at him – and blushing furiously - but his words had taken her by surprise.  As had the conviction behind them.

She cleared her throat.

“I – well, where – where do I start?  There’s a lot you do know.  You know about my family and where I went to college, what I studied.  You know what I do for a living and where I live.”

“But I want to know you, Felicity.  I want to know who you are.  What’s your favorite food?  Do you like to read or would you rather see a movie?  Who’s your favorite author?  Have you ever broken a bone?  Who was the maid of honor at our wedding?  How did –“

She giggled, pressing her fingers to his mouth to cut him off.

“Okay, okay, I get it.  So many questions!”

Burrowing deeper into the blankets, and closer to Oliver in the process, Felicity made herself comfortable.

“Okay, here it goes.  Favorite food is pretty much anything chocolate.  As long as it doesn’t contain nuts or peanut butter because I’m allergic.  Reading over a movie any day, I mean, you saw the bookshelves downstairs… what else?  Oh, I don’t have a favorite author, per se.  But if I do find someone I like, I tend to devour everything they’ve written that I can get my hands on. Yes, I’ve broken a bone before.  Several, in fact, because I grew up with you and Tommy Merlyn.  I was climbing trees and riding bikes and pretty much being reckless every moment of my childhood.  And… Laurel was the matron of honor at the wedding but Sara was my maid of honor.  Thea was the flower girl, of course.  We had a very small wedding party.  Tommy was your best man and John was your only groomsman.”

Oliver’s smile was infectious.  His fingers had found their way into her hair and he continued to twist the strands around them as he thought of another handful of questions for her.

“What’s something that you are irrationally afraid of?  Have you ever left the country?  What’s your favorite childhood memory?  And by childhood I mean under the age of fifteen.  Who did you look up to growing up?”

She rolled her eyes, snorting.

“These just get more and more random… Irrationally – not in my opinion but whatever – afraid of kangaroos.  I’m sorry but no.  With the pouch and that tail and the jumping.  Just no,” she told him, shuddering at the thought, “Yes, I’ve left the country.  We took a honeymoon on our one year anniversary.  You planned this wonderful, beautiful surprise trip to Bali.  It was … it was absolutely incredible.  Favorite childhood memory would probably be my tenth birthday.  My parents bought me a kitten.  She was the first pet we’d ever been allowed to have because my dad wasn’t a big fan of animals but Penguin was so sweet and I had her until we got married.  She died just before the wedding.  And, of course, if we’re talking on a personal, familial level, my mother has always been my inspiration.  She was an incredible mom.  She loved Tommy and I more than life itself and she would’ve done anything for us.  I – I still don’t know the extent of my father’s abuse.  I told you before that I don’t know if that night was the first time he’d hit her but their marriage was never perfect.  I really think she stayed for Tommy and me.”

She sighed, “But if we’re talking career-wise, Lucius Fox has always been my idol.  That man has done amazing things and I hoped to one day work with him.”

Oliver tugged a tendril of her hair and she glanced up at him.  His eyes shown bright in the dull lamp light as he grinned down at her.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being open with me.  For telling me these things even though I should already know them.”

Felicity shrugged, lifting her hand to touch the prickly stubble along his jaw.  Her eyes fell to his mouth, to the full swell of his lower lip, and the urge to kiss him consumed her.  There was already a quiet intimacy brewing between them.  They were snuggled together in the bed they’d shared for years and even though Oliver was on top of the covers and she was tucked beneath them, they were closer than they’d been since he’d returned to Star City.  He’d been touching her non-stop with his hands on her back and his fingers sifting through her hair and he’d touched her forehead with his lips more than once.  It wouldn’t take any effort at all to close the distance between them and feel his mouth under hers for the first time in far too long.

She smothered the urge and shifted away just a hair, taking a slow, steady breath until she’d regained control over her desires.

“I hate sports.  Well, I guess hate is probably a little strong.  I don’t like them,” she continued, “Like, can’t stand to watch any of them on television or in person or even hear about them.  It’s one of the few things in life that I just do not care about.  You, on the other hand, have always loved baseball and hockey and football and there’s been more than one occasion during the course of our relationship where you tried to drag me to a game.”

“Have I ever gotten you to go?” he asked.

“Ugh, yes.  Once or twice.  I usually have to be bribed, though.”

Oliver laughed, “Didn’t you promise Thea you’d take her to a Red Sox game?  How are you going to manage that if you despise baseball so much?”

Felicity shrugged, “I _have_ to do that.  For Thea.  I can do anything for her.”

She grinned at him and as his laughter faded, a small smirk tugging at his lips, the need to kiss him washed over her again.  And she knew that he recognized the desire in her eyes when his hand fisted gently in her hair, tipping her head back.  His eyes fell to her lips briefly before shifting back to meet hers.  She scratched her blunt nails along his jaw.

“Felicity…”

“I’m going to kiss you now,” she whispered quickly, inching closer, “Stop me if –“

Her words died in her throat as Oliver’s mouth descended on hers.  Heat erupted low in her belly.  His hands slipped from her hair, sliding down her sides until he grasped her hips and tugged her closer.  Her heart jumped in her chest and sent electricity skittering along her nerves.  Desperate to feel him, Felicity’s hands traveled over his back until she reached the hem of his shirt.  She shoved the material up his spine and gasped into his mouth when her fingers found his warm, smooth skin.  She kicked at the blankets tangled around her, needing to get closer to him.

Oliver tipped her head back, angling her mouth and deepening the kiss.  His tongue tangled with hers before he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth.  A needy whimper escaped her and Oliver froze, pulling away suddenly.  His large hands framed her face and held her still, keeping her just an inch from his mouth.

“Please, Oliver, I – I need you.  Please, I need this.”

His voice was rough, laden with his own overwhelming emotions.

“Damn it, Felicity, I – we shouldn’t be doing this.”

Her hands scrambled along his back for purchase, her blunt nails digging into his skin, but Oliver didn’t flinch.  Tears stung her eyes.  She had waited so long for this moment, for another chance to feel him in her arms, to have his arms around her.  She could see the internal battle he was fighting as it played out across his face.

“I want to, baby, I do,” he whispered, “But not like this.  I want to know you, Felicity, I want to remember you.  I’m sorry.”

Pain sliced through her followed swiftly by a rush of anger.  She was angry with herself for getting carried away, for letting herself get caught up in him too quickly.  She was angry at the situation that now defined their lives, at his amnesia.  And even though she shouldn’t have been, she was angry at Oliver for not giving her what she so desperately needed.

She pounded her fist weakly against his chest as a fresh wave of sobs was wrenched from her.  She hit him again and again until Oliver caught both of her hands in one of his, pinning them against him and using his other hand to pull her even closer.  But Felicity fought him every step of the way, using her legs to push him away until he threw one of his legs over both of hers, essentially trapping her.

“Stop, Felicity.  Stop it,” he ordered, “Please, baby, stop.”

Sorrow and frustration seeped out of her, weighing down her limbs and leaving a heavy ache pressing on her chest. 

Felicity wanted her husband.  She wanted him in a way that she never had before.  She needed him to prove to her that, even if his mind couldn’t remember her, his body could.  She wanted him to make love to her, to take away the pain of the past few weeks and just let her feel something good.  But it was clear that she had lost that fight.  Oliver wasn’t going to allow them to continue.  He wasn’t going to make love to her no matter how much she begged and pleaded.  And she wasn’t above begging.

“Go,” she muttered, her voice thick with tears, “Just go, Oliver.”

He shook his head and pulled her closer.

“I’m not leaving you, Felicity.  I can’t.  I promised to take care of you, didn’t I?  I’m not leaving.”

Felicity choked on a hoarse cry and buried her face in Oliver’s chest again.  She felt his lips at her crown, heard his voice whispering gently in her ear, but nothing he said could stop her tears.  The pressure in her chest caused her breath to catch as she cried, as her body did all that it could to expel the anguish that had been bearing down on her.  His hands resumed the same path along her spine and before she could fight it off, exhaustion finally caught up with her and she drifted off to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot begin to tell you how much all of your kind words mean to me. To everyone who is taking the time to read this, thank you so much! And if you’re leaving reviews, whether once or on every chapter, I am so incredibly grateful! I’m so glad that everyone seems to really be enjoying this story. I wish I could tell you that the angst will lessen as it continues but… well, this is definitely a slow burn where Oliver’s memories are concerned. But there are definitely moments where things get a little bit lighter. This chapter, I think, contains a certain level of angst but not nearly as much as the previous chapter. Also, this is where that M rating begins… just saying. Lastly, because I’m rambling here, I have to say thank you (again) to the best beta ever, westernbeauty. Thank you thank you thank you!

**Chapter Eleven**

For two days they avoided talking about it.

The morning after her breakdown, Felicity had woken up with Oliver wrapped around her.  He’d been sound asleep but his warm, hard chest had been glued to her back.  She’d panicked, all of the desires she’d felt the night before coming alive inside of her again, and she’d scrambled from the bed.  She’d found solace in the bathroom, showering methodically and buying herself time before she had to wake Thea for the day.  When she’d returned to the bedroom, Oliver had made himself scarce.

That had been Tuesday morning and as Felicity prepped her coffee early on Friday, she waited anxiously for him to appear.

He’d spent the past two nights on the couch, refusing her offer of Tommy’s old room, and even though they were perfectly civil to one another when Thea was home, they could hardly look at each other when they were alone.

“Morning.”

Felicity started, hot coffee sloshing over the lip of her mug and scalding her hand. 

“Ow, shit, uh, m-morning.”

She grabbed for a dish towel to mop up the mess only to find herself unable to move as she caught sight of Oliver behind her.  His disheveled hair was sticking up at odd angles and lines from his pillow had been imprinted on his cheek.  He barely managed to cover a yawn as he shuffled barefoot across the room.  His chest was bare and the sweats he wore hung dangerously low on his hips.

Felicity looked away quickly and cleared her throat.

“Thea will be down soon.  Would you – do you mind helping with breakfast?  There’s oatmeal ready in the pot on the stove, she just needs a sliced banana and some chocolate chips.”

“Sure.”

“Great, I’m going to – I’m gonna take a shower then and we’ll leave after breakfast.”

With her eyes strictly focused on the floor, she stepped around him and fled the room.

It wasn’t until she was safely locked away in the bathroom that Felicity finally relaxed.  She leaned heavily against the closed door.  She sighed and shut her eyes.

_She tipped her head back and let the hot water wash over her face.  She let it cleanse the tears from her cheeks even though it stung._

_She’d promised herself that she’d be strong, that she would hold herself together.  She had promised Oliver that everything would be okay.  And it will be, she told herself, we’ve been here before.  Tommy and Oliver would be leaving for Havenrock in the morning and by the end of the week, they’d be on a military transport headed for the Middle East.  They’d been lucky the first time around, all three of them, but Felicity knew that their luck had finally run out.  She’d be lucky if her brother and husband came home to her in anything less than two years._

_She heard the soft click of the door as it opened, a burst of chilly air cutting through the steam, and then Oliver was there, pushing back the shower curtain and stepping in behind her.  He wrapped his arms around her waist and tugged her into his body.  She closed her eyes, a few tears sliding down her cheeks._

_“It’s going to be okay, baby,” Oliver whispered, the scruff along his jaw abrading her damp skin, “We’re going to be okay.”_

_She nodded and let her head fall to his shoulder._

_“I know.”_

_“Don’t cry, Felicity, please.  I promise you, I’ll come home.”_

_She covered his arms with her own where they were banded across her abdomen.  She thread their fingers together and guided Oliver’s hand between her thighs.  She pressed her ass into his groin, feeling his cock harden at her hip.  Turning her head, she offered him her mouth._

_“Felicity.”_

_She pressed closer when his fingers dipped into her folds, gliding across her clit.  She moaned softly._

_“Please, Oliver,” she whispered, “I need you.”_

_He growled, a low rumble from deep in his chest, and the sound shook her.  He massaged her clit with hard strokes of his fingertips, the quick passes making her legs tremble.  She was on the edge after only a few moments, her body keyed up and ready for him, and when his teeth closed around her earlobe at the same time he thrust two fingers deep into her heat, pleasure erupted in her core.  Felicity came with a sharp cry, the sound echoing off of the tiled walls as tears mixed with the water flowing over them._

_“I love you,” Oliver breathed into her ear, “I love you so much, Felicity.”_

_Felicity turned in his arms and Oliver drew her closer.  She pressed her ear to his chest and listened to the pounding of his heart.  She kissed a small, round scar that marred his flesh._

_“I love you, too, Oliver.”_

_His hands slid down her back and he lifted her with his hands on her thighs.  She wrapped her legs around him, pressing her face to the crook of his neck as he carried her into their bedroom.  She dropped kisses across his shoulder, her lips gliding up his neck to the spot just behind his ear that she knew drove him crazy.  She nipped at his flesh just as Oliver lay her back on the bed, covering her with his body.  He brushed wet hair from her face._

_“I will come home, sweetheart.”_

_“I know.  I know, Oliver… make love to me.  I need you, I need to feel you,” she whispered, “Now, baby, please.”_

Felicity came back into the kitchen ready for the day and found Oliver and Thea finishing their breakfast.

“Get a move on, babe, you still need to brush your teeth.”

Thea shoveled one last spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth before taking her bowl to the sink and heading for the stairs.  Felicity went to refill her coffee cup.

“Do you mind if I go with you?”

Surprised, she turned to find Oliver watching her.

“You – you want to ride along?  I mean, I’m just going to drop her off and come back here.”

He nodded, “If you don’t mind.”

“Uh, no.  No, I don’t mind at all,” she told him, sipping her coffee.

She finished the cup standing at the counter, watching Oliver as he finished his breakfast and his own coffee.  He’d put on a t-shirt at some point while she’d been upstairs and he’d run his fingers through his hair.

Thea skipped back into the kitchen, waving a piece of paper around with flourish.

“Aunt Felicity, can you sign my permission slip?”

She set her cup in the sink.

“Permission slip for what?”

“We’re going to the aquarium!” Thea announced.

Felicity took the sheet of paper from her niece and looked it over.  She frowned and gave Thea a stern look.

“This is due today.  We’ve talked about this,” she sighed, pulling open a drawer and searching for a pen, “You have to give me these things when you get them, Thea.  Go find my purse please.  You have to take in a check, too.”

When Thea went out to the living room, Oliver stood and brought his dishes to the sink.

“Good to know she’s a normal eleven year old,” he said wryly, “I take it that this isn’t uncommon?”

Felicity rolled her eyes.

“Sadly, no.  And it drives me crazy.”

Oliver smirked and she couldn’t help but return it.  He was standing across from her, a safe distance between them, but she could still feel the heat coming off of him.  She forced herself to ignore it.

Thea plopped Felicity’s purse on the kitchen counter.

“Sorry, Aunt Felicity, I forgot.”

Felicity sighed and kissed the top of Thea’s head.

“I know, kiddo, it’s alright.  Go get your shoes and coat, okay?  We’re running late.”

She scratched her signature on the permission slip and wrote out a check, tucking both into Thea’s backpack.  She and Oliver walked through the house together.  He helped her into her coat.

The drive to Thea’s school was short and when she jumped out of the truck, waving at the pair of them, Felicity couldn’t help noticing the grin on Oliver’s face.  His eyes followed Thea all the way to the door.

A car horn blared and Felicity glared at the frazzled mother in the minivan behind them.  She pulled away from the curb and headed back to the house.

“Are we ever going to talk about what happened the other night?”

She shouldn’t have been surprised by his question but the timing of it caught her off guard.

She shook her head, “Nope.”

“Felicity.”

“Really, Oliver, there’s nothing to talk about.”

He sighed and she felt his eyes on her as she turned onto their street.

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” he began, “It might be better if –“

“Stop, please, I – It’s fine, really.  I just… I lost control, okay?  But it was only for a minute and it won’t happen again.  I’m good now.  I’ll be good.”

She pulled into the drive and parked in front of the garage.  As she opened the door to get out, Oliver’s hand on her arm stopped her.

“You weren’t the only one who lost control, Felicity.”

Felicity closed the door and leaned against it.

“I shouldn’t have let it get that far but I – I wanted you, too.”

Her pulse raced, her heart jumping in her chest.

“Why, though?  Oliver, why did you want me?” she asked, “You don’t even know me.”

He sighed, “Don’t do that, Felicity.  You know that I – I’m trying to remember you.  And I’m a man.  I see you, how kind and sweet and beautiful you are.  I’d have to be an idiot not to want you.  Plus, you wanted me.  I saw it.  I felt it.  You’re my wife and I know that I love you, I just don’t…”

“You just don’t feel it.”

Oliver shrugged and Felicity sighed.

“God, this is awful,” she muttered.

He chuckled, “That’s putting it mildly.”

She smiled sadly.

“Thank you,” she told him, “For stopping.  I – I’m sure that I would’ve felt terrible about it after.  Not because we – _you know –_ but because you still don’t…”

He reached for her hand.  His fingers were cold.

“This will get easier, Felicity.  It doesn’t matter if I get my memory back or not.  I’ll still be here.  We can start over if that’s what it takes.”

“Are you sure that that’s what you want?  That I … that I’m what you want?”

He squeezed her fingers and she lifted her eyes to his.

“This is killing me, too.  Seeing your beautiful face every day and not being able to … and not knowing you?  It’s driving me crazy.  How is it that I can’t remember someone who loves me so much?  Someone who made me so happy?  I want to remember, sweetheart, I do.  But – but there’s no guarantee that I ever will.  And if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen.  It’ll take a lot of work to get our relationship back but I’m willing to put in the effort if you are.  I want to be the man that I was when I was with you.”

She forced the words around the knot in her throat.

“I want that, too, Oliver.  I want it so much it hurts.”

Felicity moved, sliding across the seat and allowing Oliver to draw her into his arms.

“You won’t leave then?”

He sighed, “It might be easier if I did.  I can stay with my parents, give you space and … and time to get used to this.”

“I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to this, Oliver,” she confessed, “But I don’t want space.  I just want things to go back to normal.  At least as much as they can.  And you living with your parents?  That is about as far from normal as you can get.”

The cab of the truck was cold as the crisp winter air worked its way in but Felicity barely noticed.  The heat that Oliver’s body gave off was enough to keep her warm.

“Oliver?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you… would it help if I gave you the letters?” she asked, “The letters that you wrote me while you were overseas?  I’ve got more than two dozen of them.  I can get them for you if you think that they’ll help.”

He was quiet for longer than she was comfortable with.  When she pulled away to look up at him, she was surprised by the apprehension in his eyes.

“Oliver?”

He cleared his throat and looked away from her.

“If you don’t mind,” he muttered, “I – yeah, it might help.”

She smiled, “Why would I mind?  You wrote them, Oliver.”

“They’re personal.  They – they’re yours.”

Felicity shook her head, “No, they’re ours.  You have as much right to them as I do.  And of course they’re personal but the words are yours.  You are the only person that I’d share them with.  I think … I think they might give you a clearer picture of what we were like as a couple, of how strong we were together.”

Oliver lifted his hand to her face and his thumb brushed along her cheek just below the rim of her glasses, leaving a trail of fire in its wake.  It was clear that the physical attraction between them hadn’t lessened, hadn’t faded in all the time they’d been apart, and she hoped that it never would.

“I’m not going to give up.  Even if I can’t remember, I won’t give up.”

She leaned further into him and Oliver’s arms tightened around her.

“I won’t give up either, Oliver, I promise.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. I always love hearing what everyone thinks as this story goes on. This chapter is sort of filler but it moves the story forward, at least I think it does. Enjoy!

**Chapter Twelve**

Her mind had been elsewhere all day.  All she’d been able to think about for the duration of her shift at the bar was Oliver.  Oliver who she had left at home with a box of letters that he’d written to her over the years.  Felicity had told him that she didn’t mind him reading them, she’d been the one to suggest it after all, and she’d meant it.  The letters were as much his as they were hers.  They were a window into some of the more intimate aspects of their life together.  Because, when it came to those letters, Oliver had never held back.  Allowing him to read them felt personal in a way that she couldn’t explain but she hoped that they could spark something inside of him, something that could possibly allow him to remember.

“Hey Felicity.”

She looked up to find Helena approaching.  Her friend and employee was sporting a significant bump beneath her apron and the sight made Felicity grin.

“I feel like that baby boy is just going to pop out at any second,” she teased.

Helena laughed, “You and me both.  I can’t believe my due date is still five weeks away.  Michael said the guys at the station started a pool and everyone is pretty convinced we’ll never make it.”

Felicity eyed Helena’s protruding belly and snorted.

“Listen, I’m going to head out if you think you’ll be okay.  Iris should be here in twenty and table four is the only open ticket.”

Helena nodded, grabbing the fresh pot of coffee that Felicity had brewed and working her way down the line of empty cups along the counter. 

It was early afternoon and most of their regular lunchtime crowd had cleared out, heading back to work for the day, and the dinner rush was a couple hours out.  Winter in Star City was sparse.  They were a small town set just off the Atlantic coast, far enough up the coast of Maine that most people considered the fishing village to be remote.  They weren’t exactly isolated but they didn’t get many visitors after the fall color had been chased out by the cold.  During those frigid months, the only customers to frequent Verdant were the locals that Felicity had grown up with.

She turned away from the bar and had just untied her apron when John Diggle sat down behind her.

“You heading home, Felicity?”

She set a clean coffee mug in front of him.

“I am but there’s no rush.  What can I get you?”

John didn’t make it a point to stop in the bar often, at least not without Lyla, so the fact that he was there at all told her that there was something on his mind.

He shook his head, “Just stopped in to warm up and check in with you.  Lyla told me about Oliver.”

She sighed.  She’d had lunch with Lyla the week before Oliver had moved back home.  She’d given her friend the vaguest explanation of his condition that she’d been able to come up with and she’d had an inkling that vague wouldn’t fly with John.  He had been friends with Tommy and Oliver for years – despite the seven year gap in their ages – and she’d honestly expected him to check in sooner.  As far as she knew, Oliver hadn’t spoken to John since he’d come back to Star City.

“How are you holding up?” he asked.

Felicity shrugged, leaning against the bar.

“I’m… I’m surprisingly okay.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s been anything but easy.  Those first few days were... they were rough.  Confusing.  But Oliver and I are trying to work through it.”

“Lyla mentioned he’s staying with his folks.”

For some inexplicable reason, she flushed.

“Uh, no, actually, not anymore.  He moved back in earlier this week.”

His look was skeptical.

“And how’s that going?  Has he remembered anything?”

“No, he hasn’t.  But he doesn’t just want to walk away from his life.  He wants to – he’s trying to let things go back to normal.  At least what he thinks is normal.  That means living with me and Thea, not Moira and Robert.  He hasn’t lived with his parents since he was eighteen years old.”

John had always been there for her.  He had filled the role of big brother in her life in Tommy’s absence and while he and Oliver were friends, it was obvious that she was the focus of his concern.

“And that’s okay with you?  Having Oliver around in his current condition?” John asked.

She sighed, “He’s my husband, Dig.”

“I know, Felicity, and I get it.  But I promised Tommy and Oliver both that I’d look after you.  I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“What would you do?” she asked, “If it was Lyla?  If she woke up one day and – and she didn’t know you?  If she knew everyone but you?”

It was John’s turn to sigh.

“I would do whatever I had to do to get my wife back,” he assured her, “And if it were me, I hope she’d do the same.”

Felicity rounded the bar and threw her arms around his neck, grinning.

“You’re a good man, John Diggle.  I’m fine, I promise.  You have nothing to worry about.”

She scampered off into the kitchen before he could reply, grabbing her coat and purse before ducking out the back door and into the blustery January afternoon.

Felicity hadn’t taken three steps towards her truck when she noticed Moira approaching.  She bit back a groan.

“Hi, Moira.”

“Hello, Felicity.  Can we talk?”

She considered making some excuse to avoid what she was sure would be a painful conversation with her mother-in-law but thought better of it.  It wasn’t as if the woman couldn’t track her down elsewhere and as Felicity fell into step beside her, she realized that the last time they’d talked had been nearly two weeks earlier. 

“I haven’t heard from Oliver in days,” Moira told her, her tone only slightly accusing, “How is he?”

Stopping at the small bench that sat outside of their miniscule post office, his mother brushed snow from the seat and sat.  Felicity followed suit.

“He’s fine.  You know, you could’ve just stopped at the house and asked him that yourself,” Felicity pointed out, “He’s there now.  He’s been there all week.”

“When he told us he was leaving, he asked for time.  He requested that Robert and I let him do this and that we not get involved.”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Oliver is a grown man.  As far as I’m concerned, he didn’t need your permission to come home, Moira.  But if he asked you to give him time, then you should.”

“Which is exactly why I haven’t stopped by to see him,” Moira said coldly, “But Oliver is my son.  I cannot just… I can’t sit by and watch him go through this alone.”

This time she did roll her eyes.

“He isn’t alone!  Jesus, Moira, Oliver has never been alone.  He knows he has you and Robert, that you’re there for him if he needs you.  But he has me, too.  And this time he’s choosing me.  He wants to get his life back and I know that you are … that you’re suddenly opposed to our marriage and that you think he’s making a mistake, but I am a part of his life.  I have been for a long time and I don’t intend to go anywhere.”

She suspected that her cheeks were red, flushed from her outburst, and she hoped that anyone who passed them by would simply think the bright pink was a result of the cold.  She didn’t need the entire town to know that she and Moira Queen were at odds over something, no matter what that something was.  Although, Felicity thought, it would only take one look at Moira’s harden features to realize that there was tension brewing between them. 

Schooling her own features, Felicity kept her expression neutral.  It was Moira who broke first.

“Is he doing well?” she asked, “Is he adjusting?”

Felicity shrugged, “He’s doing fine.  He asks a lot of questions.  He just – he just wants to know about us, about our life.  He wants to know me, Moira.”

The older woman looked past her for a long moment and Felicity’s eyes fell to the slushy snow that covered the sidewalk.  She understood his parents desire to protect him, she sympathized with it, but wanting to protect him from her?  From a life that had made him so happy before everything changed?  That was something that Felicity just couldn’t grasp.

“You aren’t concerned that this is all too much?” Moira asked, “That Oliver living with you is…”

“Is what?” she scoffed, “Too sudden?  He is my _husband._ It’s his house.  If Oliver wants to live there, if he wants to live with me, that’s between Oliver and I.  We made the decision together.  If you think that I’m pushing him, you’re wrong.  Oliver knows what he wants.  I’m not forcing anything on him and neither should you.”

“According to the neurologist, this type of immersion won’t work.  He advised us that Oliver’s memories won’t return gradually, they’ll return all at once or not at all.  He advised against pushing his old life on him.”

Felicity felt as if she’d been doused with ice water.  She’d known that there were no guarantees.  Oliver had told her that the doctors had made no promises regarding his recovery.  They’d all told him the same thing.  There was a chance.  But Felicity had started to believe that it would happen.  She’d allowed herself to believe that it was at least possible.  She’d begun to hope that being close to her, learning about their history, reading their letters, would prompt something, that all of it combined would somehow unlock his memories of her.

Moira’s words had snuffed out the little hope that she’d had.

“Robert and I love you, dear, we do.  We are not opposed to your marriage.  We have always supported you and Oliver,” his mother continued, “But his father and I are both very worried about how Oliver will handle it if those memories never return.  We just don’t want him to be disappointed.”

Shame struck her hard and fast.  She had been so concerned with her own feelings, worrying about how she would push through if Oliver never remembered her, that she hadn’t stopped to consider how he would take it.  They had vowed not to give up but she hadn’t let herself consider how Oliver would feel if his memory failed him.

“I don’t think he’ll be disappointed,” Felicity said evenly, hoping her words sounded more confident than she felt, “We’ve promised each other that we won’t give up.  We’re going to fight for our marriage.  Even if we have to start over, Oliver and I both want to make this work.  I know he doesn’t… I know that, right now, Oliver doesn’t love me.  But he wants to.  And none of this changes how I feel about him.”

“Oliver is a strong man, Felicity.  But he is also one of the most stubborn men that I have ever met.  You know very well how angry he’ll be with himself if he can’t remember.  You need to prepare yourself to handle the guilt and frustration that he will inevitably feel.”

Felicity balled her hands into fists where they were tucked into her coat pockets.

“I’m well aware of how Oliver can be when things don’t go his way.  He is stubborn, stubborn enough that he’s determined to continue on with his life as if none of this matters.  Oliver is determined to make this work and so am I.  I will do whatever I have to, even if that means dealing with my broody and closed off husband.  And – and whose to say that he really won’t remember?  You said that it could come back all at once.  We can’t just assume that he won’t wake up one day and remember.”

Moira’s hand wrapped around her elbow.

“Felicity, please, don’t get your hopes up.  Everything that the doctors have told us suggests that Oliver will never regain his memories.  Spontaneous recovery is very, very rare.”

She met Moira’s stare head on and blinked away the moisture that pooled in her eyes.  She would not cry.  Not again.

“I understand that it could never happen.  I’m not an idiot.  Quite the opposite in fact.  But I also have to have hope.  There’s a chance, a very slim chance by the sound of it, that he could remember me and I’m going to put my money on that.  He’ll come back to me.  And even if he doesn’t, Oliver is still my husband.  I love him.  I love him more than anything else in this world and that will never change.  He is the man that I’m meant to be with.  This won’t tear us apart.”

Moira’s hand tightened around her elbow briefly before falling back into her lap. 

“I just don’t want to see either of you get hurt, sweetheart.”

Felicity swallowed past the knot in her throat.

“I – I appreciate that, Moira.  But I’d also appreciate it if you could support us in this.  It’s what Oliver and I both want.”

Moira stood and Felicity stood with her.  They hugged.

“Robert and I will do whatever we can to help,” his mother assured her, “We’ll tell Oliver whatever he wants to know.”

Felicity hugged her tightly, murmuring softly, “Thank you, Mom.”

_“It’s gorgeous here,” Felicity observed, leaning against the rail to look down into the calm, dark water below, “Who knew Hub City was a little piece of paradise?”_

_Oliver chuckled, stepping up behind her, his strong arms snaking around her waist.  He set his chin on her shoulder._

_“It’s pretty amazing.”_

_“And we’ve seen a lot of beautiful homes.  They’ve got a great school system, lots of parks… seems like a terrific place to raise a family.  Maybe.  Someday.”_

_“Mmhmm, someday.”_

_His hold on her tightened, his lips grazing her cheek, and Felicity sighed._

_“Oliver.”_

_“Felicity.”_

_Turning in his embrace, she took his face in her hands and glowered at him.  Her husband only grinned in return._

_“Darn it, Oliver!  What’s going on?  Why’d you bring me here?”_

_He shrugged, “I can’t take my wife on vacation without an ulterior motive?”_

_She huffed._

_“Okay, okay,” he laughed, “I might have gotten a job offer.”_

_Felicity froze, her hands falling from his face to his chest.  She clutched at his jacket._

_“What?  Where?”_

_“Kord Industries.  I met Ted Kord in Havenrock a couple of months ago.  He’s looking for a security consultant and apparently Slade really sold me.  He told Kord he’d be lucky to have me.  I mean, he knows I’m still under contract but he seemed really interested in talking to me about what I’m interested in doing once I’m out.”_

_She didn’t know what to say.  They hadn’t talked much about leaving Star City.  Not since her mother had died and she’d turned down the most promising opportunity of her career.  If she hadn’t taken on running Verdant, they would be in Gotham.  She’d be working at Wayne Enterprises.  She couldn’t imagine leaving their friends and family for anything less._

_“Is that – is that why we’re here?  You have a job interview?”_

_Oliver frowned, shaking his head._

_“No.  I just thought we could see the city.  I thought maybe, if you liked it here, we could consider it.  Moving.  Someday.  I’ve still got another five years with the Army, sweetheart.  It isn’t like we’d been moving next week.”_

_Felicity gave him a gentle shove, silently asking for space, and took a few steps away from him._

_It was early spring and the crisp air moving in off the bay bit at her skin even through her jacket.  They had driven down the coast – a six and a half hour trek – the day before and checked into their hotel.  When they’d stepped into the suite, she’d been struck by the opulence.  Oliver had definitely splurged on their accommodations and as she’d taken in the spectacular view from the twenty-first floor, she’d wondered what he had planned._

_To say that she was surprised would’ve been a massive understatement.  She felt blindsided._

_“You want us to move?  Here?  To Hub City?” she asked, feeling him approach moments before his hand found its place at the small of her back._

_“It’s a good opportunity.  It would give us a chance to start fresh.  A new city, new jobs.  We could put down roots here.  Raise a family.”_

_“You’d ask me to give up Verdant?  To leave our home?  Our friends and your parents and my dad?”_

_“You hate working at Verdant and –“_

_“I gave up everything to keep it!” she shouted suddenly, whirling on him, “I – I gave up my career for that stupid bar!  And you think that it’s fair to ask me to give it up?  So you can take a job you probably don’t give a damn about?”_

_His posture changed in the blink of an eye.  His shoulders went rigid as he crossed his arms over his chest and Felicity watched as some of the light left his eyes._

_“I haven’t even told you about the job.  I haven’t told you any of the details.  You haven’t asked me how I feel about it.  You’re making the assumption that I don’t really care about this chance that I’ve been offered.  What if this is my dream job, Felicity?  What if this is the first step toward my career after the military?”_

_The fight left her as quickly as it had come.  She took a step toward him and started to speak only to have Oliver speak over her._

_“I didn’t tell you to take Verdant from your father, that was your choice.  But I supported you because you’re my wife and you needed me to.  Verdant was your idea.  I know that your mom loved the bar, I know how much keeping it meant to you.  But I hear you.  Every day I hear you complain without really complaining.  You hate the menial work, you hate being there day in and day out.  You hate that Malcolm let the place fall so far into the red that you feel like you’re drowning.  I never-_ never _– asked you to give up Gotham for that damn bar, Felicity.  And if you told me tomorrow that you got an offer from Wayne and we had to move, I would be there in a heartbeat with a ‘For Sale’ sign.”_

_Felicity blinked up at him and sent a stream of tears racing down her cheeks.  This was not how she had imagined the first full day of their vacation going.  They hadn’t even had lunch yet._

_“I don’t know if anything will even come from Kord’s offer.  It wasn’t official and Tommy and I have another tour coming up.  A lot can change in five years.  But I thought… I thought you’d at least consider it.  The life that we could have here.”_

_Her stomach churned at the sight of Oliver’s disappointment.  She’d hurt him.  She’d shot down a dream that he’d shared with her before he’d even had the chance to really flush it out._

_Taking another step closer, she reached for his hand and pulled until he dropped his arms to his sides.  She moved into his personal space and wrapped herself around him._

_“I’m so sorry,” she murmured, “You – you’re right.  I hate working at Verdant and I hate that I gave up everything to stay in Star City.  And none of that is your fault.  I should’ve heard you out about the job.  I should’ve supported you.  Because working for Ted Kord?  That’s huge.  It would be an incredible opportunity for you and… and if you really want to take it, I’ll be with you the whole way.  All the way to Hub City.”_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Felicity was still reeling from her conversation with Moira when Thea climbed into the truck.  She felt unsteady, unsure, and as she continued to turn over her mother-in-law’s words, she fell further into the land of uncertainties.  It wasn’t as if she didn’t already have a dozen what-ifs playing on a loop in her mind.  What if Oliver never remembered their past?  What if he decided that he couldn’t fall in love with her again?  What if he found someone else to love?  She’d been fighting a long list of what-ifs from the moment he’d stepped into Verdant and she’d found out about his condition.  But she’d found hope.  She’d let herself believe that he would get better, that he’d get his memories back and they could put the nightmare behind them.  And then she’d let Moira Queen burst her bubble.

“Aunt Felicity?”

She jumped, glancing at Thea in her rearview mirror before focusing back on the road.  She had been driving on autopilot.

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“Can I go to Nana and Pop’s tomorrow?” she asked.

It had been close to a month since Thea had seen Laurel’s parents.  After moving from Star City, Quentin and Dinah had made it a point to stay in touch with their only grandchild but that mostly meant phone calls – which came like clockwork every Sunday evening – because arranging visits during the school year wasn’t easy.  Felicity had no doubt that the Lances would be happy to have Thea for a couple of days.

“I don’t see why not.  We’ll call when we get home, okay?”

Thea grinned, “Okay!”

Felicity turned onto their street and thought about what Thea’s absence meant for her.  She would be alone with Oliver.  There would be no buffer between them, no little girl to distract them, and the prospect made her pulse race.

As soon as she’d parked the truck in the driveway, Thea hopped out and made a dash for the front door.  Felicity knew that she was excited to see Oliver after a long day of school but it didn’t stop her from calling to her niece to slow down.  If she were being honest, Thea wasn’t the only one excited about seeing him.  She hadn’t been able to think of anything else all day.

By the time she made it to the front porch, the door was wide open and Thea’s coat and backpack had been discarded on the floor in the foyer.  Felicity picked up the offending articles and closed the door.

“Alright, kid, we’ve talked about this,” she scolded when she found Thea standing in the middle of the living room, “You have to put your stuff away.  We don’t have a maid.”

Thea turned to her with a frown.

“He’s not here.”

Felicity paused, looking around the room.  The blankets that Oliver had been using were folded neatly and stacked along the back of the sofa.  The television remotes were lined up in the middle of the coffee table and the book he’d been reading for the past couple of days had been shelved.  She glanced toward the coatrack by the front door.  His jacket was missing.

“He probably just went for a walk, Thea.  He’ll be home soon,” Felicity assured her, “Why don’t you go up and do your homework and we’ll call Nana and Pop as soon as you’re finished?”

She recognized the flash of panic in Thea’s eyes and knew better than to address it.  When she passed by on her way up to her room, Felicity handed over her coat and backpack and ruffled her hair.  Thea’s footsteps were heavy as she climbed the stairs.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed down her own panic and went into the kitchen.

He didn’t have a cell phone so she couldn’t try to call him and he didn’t have a key to the house.  She considered calling his parents but thought better of it.  There was no need to worry them.  What she’d told Thea was probably true.  Oliver was most likely out walking somewhere or running or something.  He wouldn’t have left for no reason and he had the map he’d made himself.  He’d be home eventually.

She was halfway through prepping the lasagna she was making for dinner when she heard the front door open and the pressure that had been building in her chest lessened.

“Felicity?”

She cleared her throat and called back to him.

“In the kitchen.”

Oliver appeared a few moments later carrying a bag from the only grocery store in town.  He’d shed his coat and boots, she assumed in the entryway, and padded across the tiled floor in just his socks.  Felicity couldn’t stop her eyes from following him as he moved, admiring the broken-in jeans he wore and his fitted grey t-shirt.

“Hi.”

“Hey.  I went to the market and grabbed a few things,” he told her, depositing the bag on the counter, “I would’ve locked the door but I couldn’t find a key.”

She shrugged, “It’s okay.  I’ve honestly never worried about someone breaking in here.  Besides, there’s been more than one morning when I’ve rushed out and not locked the door.”

Oliver shook his head with a grin.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

He stood on the other side of the kitchen island and watched as she layered sauce and cheese and noodles into the pan.  She washed her hands before popping the lasagna into the oven.  She set the timer and turned back to him.

He was staring and the look on his face surprised her.  Heat rushed into her cheeks as she recognized it for what it was.  His normally bright blue eyes resembled the sky at midnight, his pupils blown wide, and Felicity would’ve been able to spot the desire swirling in them from a mile away.  He hadn’t looked at her like that in a long time.  She’d missed the way he could make her body come alive with a single glance.

She cleared her throat and forced herself to look away.

“You’re staring,” she accused gently.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, shifting uncomfortably.

“It’s okay.  You just – I –“ she felt the flush in her cheeks deepen as embarrassment clashed with her own desire for him.

“Felicity.”

Bracing herself, she lifted her head to meet his gaze.  Amusement had crept into his expression and, mixed with the lust in his captivating eyes, it sent her heart galloping.

“You can’t look at me like that and expect me to be able to form a coherent sentence,” she blurted.

Oliver’s smirk broadened.

“Look at you like what?”

She tipped her head and scowled at him.  He was teasing her, the jerk.

“What’d you get at the store?” she asked, ignoring his baiting completely and moving onto safer ground.

He chuckled and began pulling his purchases from the bag.  She recognized a few of his favorite things as he set them on the counter.  Salt and vinegar chips, Arrow IPA, chocolate covered pretzels, caramel pecan coffee, a package of sour candy – someone was craving junk food – but it was the last item that made the air stick in her lungs.

“Mint chip?” she gasped, “Why – why did you buy that?”

He shrugged, “I was trying to think of something to get for you.  The candy is for Thea.  Tommy - Tommy used to love any kind of sour candy so I thought she might… do you not like mint?  Do you even eat ice-cream?”

“I do.  I love it.  But … but mint chip is my favorite.”

“Really?”

She nodded, “Yeah, yeah it is. Oliver, did you remember this?  Did you… is that why you bought this?  This flavor specifically?”

He stared at the pint of ice-cream on the counter between them.  Hope tried to work its way into her heart and Felicity did everything that she could to stifle it.  It wasn’t until she realized he was shaking his head that the feeling died altogether.

“I’m sorry, Felicity.  No, I – I didn’t remember.  It’s just what I picked up.”

She hoped that he couldn’t see her disappointment when he looked at her.  She hoped the smile on her face looked genuine.

“Uncle Ollie!”

Thea came into the kitchen with her homework folder clutched in her hands.  She dropped it hastily on the table before crossing the room toward them.  Oliver barely had time to crouch down to her level before she threw herself into his arms.

“Where did you go?” she asked, “You weren’t here when we got home.  I thought you’d be here.”

Thea’s distress was clear in her voice and when Oliver looked at her over their niece’s head, she saw understanding soften his expression.  He’d disappeared without letting either of them know where he was going and they’d had no way to reach him.  He mouthed an ‘ _I’m sorry_ ’ to her and Felicity shrugged.

“I just went to run an errand, honey,” he told Thea, “Did you think I wasn’t coming back?”

Thea pulled away and looked at him seriously.  Her dark eyes were wide and her lip trembled slightly as she spoke.

“Daddy left and never came back,” she said quietly, “So did Momma.”

Felicity braced herself against the counter.  Thea rarely spoke of her parents’ deaths.  They talked about her memories of them and she never hid how much she missed them but it wasn’t often that she actually mentioned either of them dying.

Oliver wrapped Thea up in his arms, crushing her to his chest.  Her little face was buried against his throat.

“I’m so sorry, Thea,” he whispered, “I didn’t meant to scare you.  I’ll leave a note next time, okay?”

Thea nodded against him and when she lifted her head, Felicity could see that her eyes were red.  But she held in her tears as Oliver let her go and she picked up her folder again.  She crossed the room and handed it to Felicity.

“Can you check my homework please?” Thea asked.

“Of course, baby.  Why don’t you take my phone into the living room and call Nana and Pop?  Tell them that I can drop you off tomorrow morning, okay?”

“Okay.”

Thea left the room quietly and Oliver didn’t say a word until she was gone.  He got to his feet and came back to the island, standing across from her once again.  Felicity took the pint of ice-cream to the freezer.

“I didn’t mean to worry you,” he told her, “I didn’t think I’d be gone that long, really.  I figured I’d be home before you guys got here.”

She shrugged, “It’s fine.  You don’t have to apologize.  You’re free to leave whenever you want, you know that.  But … but it was a little unsettling to come home and you weren’t here.  For a second I thought –“

“Don’t do that.  I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

Felicity sighed, picking up Thea’s homework and heading for the table.  Oliver followed, sitting down opposite her.  He put his hand on the folder before she could open it.

“Felicity.”

“I believe you, Oliver, I do.  But you have to understand, I – we’re not exactly used to having you here yet.  Sometimes it feels like I’m going to wake up one morning and you’ll just be gone and it’ll all have been some really bizarre dream.”

She set her hand on top of his, squeezing his fingers.

“Does she talk about them?” Oliver asked, “Tommy and Laurel, does Thea talk about them?”

Felicity shrugged, “Sometimes.  She doesn’t usually talk about losing them though.  She has pictures of them both in her room but she was so young when Laurel died, most of her memories of her are things she’s heard from other people.  Tommy she remembers but she doesn’t talk about him much either.”

“She has separation anxiety,” Oliver guessed.

“And PTSD, to some degree.”

“Does she do that often?  Freak out when she doesn’t know where someone is?  Does she do that with you?”

Sighing, she sat back in her chair and pulled Thea’s math worksheet from the folder.

“Of course she does.  She has a hard time staying calm if she doesn’t know where I am.  People leave her and they never come back.  Her mom and grandma left one weekend and never came home.  Her dad did the same.  Thea has trouble separating those incidences from the events of her day to day life.  She thinks that every time someone in her life leaves, she’ll never see them again,” Felicity explained.

Oliver fell silent and Felicity actually took a moment to check the worksheet in her hand.  She made a couple of quick notes for Thea before stuffing the paper back into the folder and setting it aside.

“Does she have anyone to talk to?” Oliver asked, “A counselor or something?”

“She does.  There’s a counselor at school that she meets with once a week.  At first, she just went for grief counseling but when she started having panic attacks every time I left her, it turned into more.  She’s getting a lot better and we have a system worked out.  She knows my work schedule by heart so she knows the days that I’m not the one picking her up from school.  If something comes up and I have to leave her with your mom or Sara or Lyla longer than normal, I always call and let her know.  As long as she knows, she’s okay,” she told him, “Thea’s a good girl but she’s got some issues.”

Oliver chuckled, “I guess we all do.”

Felicity nodded her agreement and raked her fingers through her hair.  Oliver caught her left hand before she could set it on the table.  He turned her rings around her finger and then laced their digits together.  It was then that she noticed the band she’d picked out for him nearly a decade early, situated on his finger.  She lifted her eyes to his, surprised.

“You put it back on.”

“It felt right.”

“Oh.”

He lifted their joined hands and turned them so that the back of her hand faced him.

“Did I pick this out?” he asked, “It looks familiar.”

She shook her head, “It was your grandmother’s.”

“How did it happen?  How did I ask you?”

She smiled a little wistfully, twisting their hands until they rested on the table.  She wrapped his hand in both of hers and traced her thumb over his ring.

“It was Christmas Eve.  We’d decided to celebrate here, just the two of us, because Christmas day was already being split between your parents and mine,” she recalled, “You’d been acting strange all day, anxious and secretive, and I couldn’t figure out why.  It made me nervous.  After dinner we went into the living room to exchange gifts.”

“And the ring was your gift?”

She shook her head, “Sadly, no.  You teased me though, giving me this box that was about the right size for a piece of jewelry but instead of a ring, it was a very pretty, handmade ornament.  I was … disappointed to say the least and even though I tried to hide it, I knew you could tell.  You’ve always been able to read me like an open book.  A little later, when we’d both opened all of our gifts, my phone rang.  It was John calling to tell me that something had happened at Verdant and that he couldn’t reach my parents.  He said I needed to come down right away.  Of course, I panicked.  I mean, a cop calls you and tells you there’s a problem…”

Oliver chuckled, the sound washing over her, and Felicity tightened her hold on his hand.

“Anyway, you drove me over to the bar and dropped me off at the front door.  The street out front was blocked by a line of police cars so you had to find somewhere else to park and I went in on my own.  Only when I got inside, the place was empty.  John was nowhere to be found, there were no customers in the dining room and the lights were off.  But the top of the bar had been covered in candles.  They were everywhere.  And right in the middle of them was a little velvet box,” she laughed at the memory, “I started crying before I’d even picked it up.”

She met Oliver’s gaze across the table.  He was watching her with an intense longing that punctuated the air between them.  She wanted to tell him that she felt the same, that every moment that they spent together only strengthened her need for him.

“What happened next?” he asked, his roughened voice sending a shiver down her spine.

Her fingers flexed around his.

“When I opened the box, it was empty.  But I turned and – and you were there with this beautiful grin on your face.  You took the box from my hands, set it back on the bar, and got down on one knee.  You told me how much you loved me, that you couldn’t… that you couldn’t imagine life without me.  You knew that you’d be deployed when your training was done and you wanted to marry me before you left.  You asked me to be your always.”

“You said yes.”

She grinned, “Of course.  Only I was crying too hard to actually get the word out and you told me that I couldn’t have the ring until I said yes.”

Oliver’s grin matched hers.

“I had to coerce you into marrying me, huh?”

Shrugging she teased, “I guess you did.”

He lifted their entwined hands and pressed his lips to her fingers, making her heart stutter in her chest.

“Do you ever regret it?” he asked quietly.

She shook her head and prayed that he heard the sincerity in her voice as she answered him.

“Never, Oliver.  Not for a second.  I love you.  Nothing can change that.  I promised you always and I meant it.  I’m yours.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I have to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this and to everyone who has left a review. I love hearing from all of you, it absolutely makes writing this worthwhile. Also, I know I mentioned this in the note of the first chapter, but this fic is completely finished. I’ll be continuing posting every Monday and Thursday until all 26 chapters are up. And, of course, I have to thank my wonderful beat westernbeauty for all of her support and encouragement! Thank you so much for everything!

**Chapter Fourteen**

_She woke to an empty bed and found the sheets on Oliver’s side cool and damp.  Felicity sat up quickly, blinking into the darkness, and searched for her husband._

_“Oliver?” she called quietly, knowing Tommy and Thea were both sleeping._

_Her eyes landed on the closed bathroom door and the sliver of light peeking out from beneath it.  She hurried across the room as worry cut her deep.  He’d had nightmares before, too many to count in the first few weeks after they’d returned from their first tour, and she recognized the signs.  He’d wake up drenched in a cold sweat, trembling so hard his teeth would chatter, and most of those nights he barely made it to the bathroom before his stomach revolted._

_She knocked on the door gently._

_“Oliver, baby, can I – can I come in?”_

_His only reply was a pitiful moan that broke her heart.  Stepping into the room, the sight that greeted her was exactly as she’d expected.  Oliver sat huddled into the tight space between the toilet and the bathtub.  She’d wondered more than once how he possibly made his large body fit there but it seemed that, after each incident, it was the place he gravitated to.  She didn’t understand it but she couldn’t find it in her to question it.  Instead, she wet a washcloth and eased onto the floor in front of him.  Her knees protested at her position on the hard tile but she chose to ignore her discomfort._

_“Do you want to talk about it?”_

_He shook his head._

_It turned her stomach to see him look so small.  His knees where drawn to his chest, his arms wrapped around him and her six-foot-something husband looked like a frightened little boy.  She knew that Oliver didn’t want to talk to her about what he’d seen during his time overseas.  He thought that she wouldn’t understand and, in reality, she probably wouldn’t.  But she worried about him.  She worried about his state of mind, worried about the harm he was doing to himself by keeping everything locked away._

_Her only consolation was Tommy.  Her brother had lived through the same things that Oliver had, they’d witnessed the same horrors, and even though she wasn’t privy to her brother’s nightmares like she was Oliver’s, she was certain that he had them.  And she was aware of the fact that, when they thought she wasn’t paying attention, they talked to each other.  Often times they talked around their issues but it was a form of support that Felicity couldn’t provide and it helped ease her mind.  At least to a degree._

_She let the cool, damp cloth slide across Oliver’s forehead and across his short cropped hair.  She cleaned the sweat from his neck and as much of his chest as she could reach before she tossed it into the tub.  She took one of his hands from where it gripped his calf tightly and wrapped it in both of hers._

_“Do you want to go back to bed?”_

_Oliver shook his head again and she barely managed to contain her sigh._

_He wouldn’t be going back to sleep anytime soon and she couldn’t bear the thought of him sitting up alone with nothing but the memories of that hell hole to keep him company.  She wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing that he was wading his way through the darkness without her._

_Shifting around on the floor, she pushed up onto her knees and leaned over the side of the tub.  She turned knobs until the water flowing from the faucet was hot but not hot enough to burn before she plugged the drain and added a few drops of lavender oil._

_Felicity stood and pulled the t-shirt – one that had been his once upon a time – over her head.  She let it fall to the floor before she held her hands out to Oliver._

_Wordlessly, he stood and she helped him strip out of the sweatpants he wore.  He climbed into the tub first before she joined him, settling her back against his chest.  He wrapped his arms around her as her head fell to his shoulder._

_They sat in silence for a long time, long enough for his heart rate to slow where it pounded against her back._

_“You should’ve gone back to bed,” he told her eventually._

_She shook her head, “I think you needed me more than I needed to sleep.  I know you … I know you don’t think I can handle it, but I’m here.  Whenever you want to talk, if you ever want to tell me what – what the nightmares are about, I’m here.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_“You never have to thank me, Oliver.  I love you.”_

She ran into him in the hallway - literally crashed into him – as she was making her way from her bedroom to check on Thea and he was coming out of the bathroom just across the hall.

Oliver caught her with his hands wrapped around her arms.

“Sor-“

“Are you –“

Felicity flushed, laughing.

“I’m fine.  Sorry, I just wanted to check on Thea real quick.  She - she tends to get really excited when she’s going to visit the Lances and I just wanted to make sure she’s actually asleep.”

Oliver nodded, his hands falling to his sides.  He looked down at his feet briefly before meeting her gaze again.

“Well, I – goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Oliver.”

He started down the stairs and for a long moment, she couldn’t make her feet move.  For the past week, he had spent every night – minus the first – sleeping on the sofa.  It was old and uncomfortable and she was sure his back must be killing him but he’d never complained.  He’d kept his distance from their bedroom since the night she’d lost control.  It had been better that way.  It had been what she’d needed, that distance, that separation.  But as she watched him walk away from her, something inside of her clicked, like gears shifting into place, and before she could change her mind, she called out to him.

“Oliver?”

He stopped halfway down to the first floor and turned.

“You … will you stay with me tonight?  I – I mean, will you …” she swallowed hard, feeling heat burn its way up her chest and throat to brighten the color already in her cheeks, “Come to bed, Oliver, please.”

She watched him hesitate as he considered what she was asking.  He moved up a couple of steps.

“Are you sure?” he asked, “Really sure, Felicity?  Because I don’t want to … I don’t want you to force this if you’re not ready.”

She smiled, “Thank you, I appreciate that, really.  But I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure.  I’m ready.  Besides, I know that that couch sucks to sleep on and I’m a good six inches shorter than you.  I have no idea how you’ve lasted as long as you did.”

Oliver shrugged and climbed the stairs back up to her.

“It’s not that bad.”

Felicity snorted, “It is and you know it.”

He laughed, stopping in front of her, and Felicity had to tip her head back to look up at him.

“Okay.  It is.  What the hell were we thinking buying that couch?”

“ _We_ didn’t buy anything.  That couch was all you.  You don’t remember?”

Oliver thought about it for a minute and cringed when it hit him.

“What the hell was  _I_ thinking?”

Felicity giggled, covering her mouth with her hand to smother the sound, and shook her head.  She gave his shoulder a gentle shove and jerked her thumb over her shoulder towards Thea’s room.  He nodded and she watched as he disappeared into their bedroom.  It took longer than it should have for her to open Thea’s door and stick her head into the darkened room.  Satisfied that their niece was actually asleep, she took a moment to gather herself before crossing the hall.

Oliver was sitting on his side of the bed with his feet on the floor, a thin, leather-bound journal in his hand.  It had been on top of his nightstand since the night before he’d left on his last deployment.

“Hey.”

“Hey, I – do you mind if I –“

He held up the journal and she shook her head.

“Of course not.  It’s yours.”

He nodded, his eyes falling back to the journal for just a second before he closed it and set it back on the nightstand.  Felicity sat down beside him, close enough that their shoulders touched.

“I – I had a conversation with your mom today.  She cornered me as I was leaving Verdant.”

Oliver looked at her expectantly and she sighed.

“She told me about your trip to the neurologist.  Oliver, you told me that the doctor said that immersing yourself in your old life was the best way to trigger your recovery,” she reminded him, trying not to sound accusing, “But your mom told me the exact opposite.  That the doctor said that it – that this wouldn’t work.  She told me that the neurologist said it’s highly unlikely you will ever remember.”

He shook his head and shoved to his feet.  He took a couple of harsh breaths and began pacing.  Felicity waited for him to say something.

“One,” he growled, “ _One_ of those – those idiots told my mother that I would never recover my memories.  Did she tell you that we got a second opinion?  And a third and a fourth?  Felicity, this type of amnesia is so rare that there are no definitive answers when it comes to recovery.  They all had something different to say.  The reality is, no one has a damn clue if I’m ever going to remember anything.  I didn’t lie to you.  Of the four doctors that we talked to – not including the Army doc I saw first – two of them suggested just getting back to normal.  I wouldn’t  _lie_ -”

When he made a pass by her in the path he was cutting into the hardwood, Felicity grabbed his hand and stopped his restless movements.

“Hey.  I’m not… I wasn’t accusing you.  I just wanted to understand, Oliver,” she assured him.

He dropped into a crouch in front of her and she watched his large hands engulf both of hers.  He squeezed them with a little more pressure than she was expecting.

“I don’t give a damn what any of the doctors said.  All I know is that being here with you and Thea, this is what I want.  This is where I’m supposed to be, memories or not.  There isn’t a single doubt in my mind that this is my home and you and Thea are my family.  Okay?”

Felicity nodded, the swell of emotion in her chest threatening to burst free if she tried to speak, and turned her hands so that she could lace their fingers together.  Leaning forward, she brushed her lips to Oliver’s forehead.

“I’m so happy you’re here.”

They remained there, neither of them willing to move, until Felicity had sympathy for Oliver’s knees.  She imagined that crouching the way that he was couldn’t be comfortable so she tugged gently on his hands.

“You probably want to change,” she pointed out, noticing that he still wore her favorite pair of jeans, “You’ve still got clothes in the dresser.”

He nodded, shifting to stand, and she watched as he went to the dresser on the other side of the room.  He opened the top left drawer again before she could stop him and an involuntary rush of heat scorched her.  She cleared her throat.

“Right side,” she reminded him.

Oliver closed the drawer with a quick glance at her over his shoulder.  He was giving her that look again, the one that sent bolts of desire racing along her nerves, and she had to find something else in the room to focus on.  If they were going to get through the night without her jumping him, she had to find a way to calm herself down.

Once he’d retrieved a pair of sweats and a t-shirt from his drawers, he stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.  Felicity took the opportunity to quickly strip out of her own clothes and tug on her pajamas. 

By the time Oliver returned, she had settled on her side of the bed with her back against the headboard.  He joined her, switching off the light as he made his way back to the bed, leaving the room cast in the soft glow of her bedside lamp.

“Are there more like that?” he asked.

She glanced at him, confused.

“Like what?”

He tipped his head back and she followed the movement.

“Oh.  Uh… yeah.  Yes.  There are quite a few more.  I – I considered putting them up but I didn’t think Thea needed to see them.  She doesn’t come into our room often enough that that one bothers me but some of the others are even more… revealing.”

A strange choking sound left him and she turned to him with a raised brow.

“What?”

“Nothing.  I … I’d like to see them.  Not just the ones from… from that night, but all of our wedding photos.”

She shrugged, “Sure.  There’s a couple of photo albums in the closet.  I’ll dig them out for you in the morning.  And, uh, the rest of those photos are in an album in your nightstand.  Feel free.”

Silence settled around them again and Felicity fiddled with the rings on her finger.  Oliver caught her hand, halting her fidgeting, and she lifted her eyes to find him watching her.

“Will you tell me about it?  About the wedding?”

She shrugged again.

“You know a good chunk of it.  We got married in the planetarium at Star Labs on a chilly December evening.  It was a very small wedding, only sixty or so people.  Tommy, Laurel, Sara and Digg made up the wedding party.  Thea was our flower girl, of course.  Those are some adorable pictures, right there.  That little nugget in this big frilly dress.  Oh gosh, she was so cute.  Um, I – I don’t know what else you want to know,” she hemmed, “My mom and Laurel planned most of it.  The only thing I had a say in really was the venue and my dress.  But they saved our asses.  We were originally getting married the following April but your orders came in around Thanksgiving and … and you were scheduled to deploy before the end of the year.”

“We pushed up the date?”

She nodded, “You were pretty damn insistent.  You wanted to get married before you and Tommy left.  And I couldn’t say no.  Not – not knowing that there was a chance you wouldn’t come home.  When we told my mom that we needed to change the date, she and Laurel just sort of took over.  And they put together the wedding of my dreams.  It was beautiful.”

“They died in a car accident?  Laurel and your mom, they died in the same accident.”

Her stomach roiled at the prospect of having to confirm what she was sure he’d figured out on his own.  He had shared in her guilt when they’d heard about the accident.  They’d both blamed themselves for longer than they should have.

“They did.”

“When?  When did it happen, Felicity?”

She sighed and turned her hand in his, squeezing him back.

“The day after our wedding.  They were driving home from Central City.  My mom had driven down alone because my dad… my dad didn’t come to the wedding.  Tommy was worried about mom so he asked Laurel to ride back with her and he and Thea would follow in their car.  Only they got delayed at the hotel because Thea wasn’t feeling well so Mom and Laurel left about half an hour before Tommy.  He – he drove right past the accident.  He had no idea it was them.”

“Jesus.”

Felicity nodded, “We didn’t find out until that night.  My dad called.  It was, God, Oliver… it was awful.  That isn’t even a strong enough word.  It was the worst day of my life.  Not even twenty four hours after I got everything I ever wanted, my mom and Laurel were taken away from us.”

“Sweetheart, I –“

“There wasn’t anything that any of us could’ve done.  The road wasn’t even that bad really but they hit a patch of ice and… my dad blames us, though.  He blames me.  Because we had to leave Starling to get married.  Because we couldn’t get married here and had to go all the way to Central City… that’s why my mom died that day.  That’s what he thinks.  And he likes to hold it over my head whenever he’s really pissed off.”

Oliver pulled her across the mattress until she was pressed against his side.  She closed her eyes and set her head on his shoulder.

“Your dad’s in pain, it’s understandable.  But nothing that happened that day was your fault, it wasn’t our fault.  Maybe if he’d been there it wouldn’t have happened.  Maybe if he’d had the decency to show up for his only daughter’s wedding, his wife would still be alive.”

Felicity laughed softly, “Oh Oliver, you have no idea how many times I’ve said that to him.  It never goes over well.”

He huffed, “No, no I imagine it wouldn’t.”

She felt herself relaxing against him, felt the energy leaving her in a rush, and she yawned.  Oliver moved beside her, helping her slip beneath the covers and turning until they were nose to nose.  She wrapped one arm around his ribcage while her other was wedged between them.  One of Oliver’s arms was pillowed beneath her head and the other encircled her waist. 

She felt his lips against her forehead just as sleep claimed her.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a little earlier than normal today, mostly because I’m excited to share this chapter with you! Honestly, with the wonderful response that I’ve gotten to this fic, I’m always excited to share it with you  You guys have been incredible with the comments and I truly appreciate each and every one. Thank you!

**Chapter Fifteen**

The sound of a ringing phone threatened to pull her from sleep and Felicity fought against it.  She burrowed into the warmth of Oliver’s embrace where he was wrapped around her, tugging one corner of her pillow up to cover her ear.  The ringing stopped abruptly and she was on the verge of falling back to sleep when it started up again, somehow even louder than before.

Oliver groaned at the offending noise and reached over her to grab the cellphone from the nightstand.  He swiped his finger across the screen to accept the call before pressing it to her ear.

“Hello?” she mumbled.

“I’m trying to reach Felicity Queen?”

She pulled away from Oliver and sat up.  She felt him move beside her until they were shoulder to shoulder as she shoved her hair from her eyes.  She had grown up in Starling City and even though she and Oliver had been married for more than five years, most people in town still knew her as Felicity Merlyn.  Being addressed by her married name sent up an immediate red flag.

“This is her.”

“Mrs. Queen, I’m sorry to bother you at this hour.  This is Deputy Jordan with the Rockman County Sheriff’s Office.  I’m calling in regard to your father, Malcolm Merlyn.”

Her heart lurched in her chest and she clutched the phone tighter.

“Is he – is he alright?”

Oliver’s hand clasped hers the moment she reached for him and she took comfort in the feel of his palm against hers. 

“He’s fine, Mrs. Queen.  He ran his car off the highway just north of Starling City and we’re charging him with an OVI.  We’re willing to release him though if you’re able to pick him up.”

Her breath escaped her in a rush as relief swept through her.

“Of course.  I – I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Take your time, ma’am, he isn’t going anywhere.”

They said their goodbyes and Felicity let the phone fall to her lap.  She scrubbed her now-free hand over her face as Oliver released her hand and rubbed her back.  She leaned heavily into him and sighed, closing her eyes for a long moment.  His hand continued to press gently against the knotted muscles of her lower back.

“What’s going on?  What happened?” he asked eventually.

“He … he wrecked his car.”

“Your dad?”

She nodded, “They charged him with an OVI.  He’s fine but I have to go and pick him up.”

“I probably shouldn’t even suggest it but would it really hurt to let him spend the night in lockup?  Let him sober up before you go and get him?” Oliver questioned.

Felicity sighed heavily and picked up her phone, glancing at the time.  It was nearly three in the morning.

“God, wouldn’t that be fun?  But – but he’d kill me.  He’d never let me hear the end of it.  I should just go now and get it over with.”

She slid out of the bed, pausing when Oliver did the same.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

He shrugged, “I’m going with you.”

She sighed again and shook her head.  She picked up the sweatshirt she’d discarded before crawling into bed and tugged it over her head.

“I need you to stay here with Thea,” she told him.

Oliver shook his head even as he pulled on his own sweatshirt.  He sat on the edge of the bed and tugged on a pair of socks. 

“You shouldn’t be alone with him, especially if he’s drunk.”

Felicity went into the bathroom and left the door open as she ran a brush through her hair before tying it up in a ponytail.  She could see him where he remained on the bed, clearly waiting for her, and there was something intimately familiar about the situation.  He was there with her, in their bedroom, in their home, and even though they still had a long way to go, she felt as if they’d made significant progress.

“Oliver, my dad isn’t exactly your biggest fan, remember?”

He stood, crossing the room to lean against the bathroom door.

“He wasn’t too thrilled to see me when I came home, was he?  Has he always hated me this much?”

She shrugged, “I wouldn’t say he _hates_ you.  Well… okay he maybe hates you.  But no, it hasn’t always been like this.  When we were kids, he liked you about as much as he liked Tommy and me.  But after – after the accident and then Tommy…”

“He blames me for Tommy.”

Guilt caused Oliver’s face to fall and she stepped into him without a second thought.  Her hands settled on his chest.

“My dad’s an asshole, Oliver.  He has been for years.  Yes, he blames you for Tommy but he has absolutely no right to.  In truth, he’s the reason that Tommy joined the Army.  He never supported him in anything, never told him that he believed in him or that he was good enough.  So Tommy did the only thing he thought he could do to make my dad recognize the kind of man that he wanted to be.  The kind of man that he was.”

“He wasn’t happy about it,” Oliver muttered, “Tommy enlisting.  I remember that.”

Felicity shrugged, “Dad was pissed that Tommy did something without his approval.  That was nothing new for any of us.”

She pressed up on her toes and let her lips graze his stubbled jaw.  She stepped around him.

“Really, I can manage my dad, Oliver.  Please just stay here with Thea.”

He caught her before she could get too far.

“I’ll go get Thea,” he told her, not relenting for a second, “I’m not letting you deal with him alone anymore.  You don’t have to, Felicity, I’m right here.”

For a long moment they simply stared at one another, neither of them willing to give up their stance on the matter.  She knew that her father would be belligerent.  At least at first.  He usually was.  But she’d been managing his drunken escapades for the past five years without Oliver’s help.  She’d done just fine on her own.  But he was right.  She wasn’t alone anymore.  She didn’t have to be.  Oliver was home and – even with his memory of her missing – his need to protect her hadn’t faded.

“Fine,” she acquiesced, “Go get Thea and meet me downstairs.”

Their niece barely stirred in all the hustle of getting out of the house and when Felicity glanced at her as she backed out of the driveway, she wasn’t surprised to find her sound asleep again.  Oliver fiddled with the heat and turned the volume down on the radio.

“Does he do this often?” he asked as they headed for the interstate.

She shrugged, “Which part?  Driving under the influence?  I’m sure he does.  Pretty much every bar within a fifteen mile radius has my phone number on speed dial.  God, I get calls all the damn time to pick him up.  But I’m sure they’re have been more nights than not when he’s driven himself home, no matter how drunk he is.  Every time someone calls me, he just gets pissed off.”

Oliver scowled.

“Does he ever… has it happened recently?” he questioned, “Has he ever hit you when you’ve picked him up?”

She flinched and glanced at him.

“No, Oliver.  That – that night at your parents’ house was the first time in years that he’s hit me.”

He nodded, his expression still hard and angry, but he didn’t comment. 

When she pulled up in front of the sheriff’s office nearly twenty minutes later, neither of them had said more than a handful of words.  She knew that Oliver was doing his best to rein in his emotions where her father was concerned.  There was a strong, mutual dislike between them and it had been there for a long time.  She was pretty sure that it would never change.

“I’ll just be a few minutes,” she told him, tugging her coat tighter around her before hopping out of the truck.

She hurried into the station and was thankful for the lack of activity.  It didn’t take long to find the correct person to help her and in under ten minutes, her father was being escorted out into the lobby area.  He signed the few documents that the clerk handed him before being given back his belongings.  She waited quietly as he struggled into his coat, stumbling unsteadily more than once, before heading for the door.  He didn’t say a word to her until they had nearly reached the truck.

“What the hell is he doing here?”

Felicity looked up from her feet to find Oliver leaning against the passenger side door with his arms crossed over his broad chest.  She couldn’t deny that he looked somewhat menacing in the way that he was glaring at her father.

She sighed, “He’s my husband, Dad.  He’s here to support me and, no matter how you feel about it, he has every right to do so.  Just get in the truck.”

Moving past her father, Felicity headed to her side of the truck and left the two of them standing in the cold, scowling at one another.  She rolled her eyes.

“If the two of you don’t get in this truck in the next two minutes, I’m leaving both of you here,” she snapped, “It’s cold and I’m tired and I really, really want to go home.  Get in the truck.”

She slammed her door and flinched, her eyes flicking to the backseat where Thea slept on, completely undisturbed.  Sighing, Felicity turned and stared out at the small flakes of snow that danced across her windshield.

The door on the other side of the truck opened and Oliver lifted himself effortlessly onto the seat.  Her father’s movements weren’t nearly as graceful as he hoisted himself into the backseat and tense silence settled around them until she turned out of the parking lot.

“I’m disappointment in you, Felicity.”

She rolled her eyes, “Well that’s nothing new.”

“I can’t believe that you still claim this bastard as your husband,” Malcolm went on, “If anything, I had hoped that you would show some loyalty to your brother.  Oliver is the reason he’s dead, after all.”

Felicity sighed heavily and threw a look at Oliver.  There was a reason that she’d wanted to come alone.

“That’s bullshit, Dad, and you know it.”

“Of course, I didn’t approve of you marrying him in the first place.  He was never good enough for you,” he continued, “You were so brilliant.  You could’ve done so much with your life.  But you chose to marry _Oliver Queen._ Your brother’s best friend and possibly the most reckless man that I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing.”

The way he spat Oliver’s name made Felicity’s skin crawl.  She’d spent years defending her marriage to her father but she’d never been able to sway his opinion.  Tommy’s death had been the final straw.  She knew that there was nothing either of them could say or do to change Malcolm’s opinion of their relationship.

Glancing over at Oliver, she wasn’t surprised to find him sitting perfectly still beside her, his hands fisted in his lap.

“Seriously, Dad, just shut up.”

“Don’t you dare speak to me that way.  If you can’t handle the truth of the situation, my dear, you should’ve made a better choice.  Your husband’s recklessness is the reason that Tommy is dead and his disregard for your mother and I is the reason that she and Laurel were taken from us.”

She bit the inside of her cheek to lock in the angry retort that burned in her throat.  Her knuckles were white where they gripped the steering wheel.

“Pull over.”

Oliver’s gruff command startled her and her eyes flew to him again.

“What?”

The calm in his eyes wasn’t what she had expected and it was evident in his tone that a storm raged behind that calm. 

“Honey, pull over.”

She frowned, “But we’re almost there.”

“Damn it, Felicity, just do it.  Please.”

She did as he requested, guiding the truck to the shoulder and turning on her hazards.  She threw the truck into park as Oliver shoved open his door and jumped out.  He wrenched open the back door just a second later.

“Get out.”

Malcolm scoffed, “Not a chance in hell.”

Oliver leaned into the truck and grabbed the lapels of his coat.  He was only inches from her father’s face.

“I said _get out of the fucking truck_ ,” he growled.

“Oliver!”

She watched, shell-shocked, as he drug her father from the truck and slammed the door.  Angled in her seat, she watched Oliver give Malcolm a small shove towards the tailgate, his anger unmistakable, and she found herself holding her breath. 

He could kill her father with his bare hands, there was no question of that, and in his still mostly inebriated state, her father wouldn’t stand a chance of fighting back.  And while she doubted that Oliver would actually hit her father in a situation where he was unprovoked, she couldn’t tramp down the fear that rocketed around inside of her.  But it wasn’t her father she feared for.  She knew that if he crossed that line, if Oliver actually took his anger out on her father physically, he wouldn’t be able to come back from that.    

When they reached the end of the truck bed, Oliver crossed his arms over his chest and stepped away from Malcolm.  There was a good foot of space between them when he began to speak.  She couldn’t hear him and she’d never been good at reading lips but his posture and his expression told her that whatever words were exchanged between them, they were terse and reprimanding.  Oliver’s cheeks were red, whether from the cold or evidence of his anger she couldn’t be sure, and his shoulders were stiff.  She knew that he was restraining himself, fighting to keep his voice from rising, and when her father jabbed his finger angrily into Oliver’s chest, she saw his tether begin to unravel.  He shifted, his stance somehow becoming more menacing, and his lips moved quickly as he snapped at her father.  Malcolm retreated, backing up into the side of the truck.

It was another three – she may have been counting in her head – minutes before they both climbed silently into the truck.  She glanced first at her father who refused to meet her gaze and then to Oliver who simply shook his head.

She sighed and pulled back out onto the road.

The tense silence from earlier returned tenfold as they drove toward her childhood home.  When she pulled into the drive, her father spoke, surprising her.

“Thank you for the ride, Felicity.”

She could only nod, watching as he left the warmth of the truck to hurry into the house.  She waited until he was inside before turning to Oliver.

“Okay, what the hell did you say to him?” she asked, disbelief coloring her tone.

He shrugged, “What he needed to hear apparently.  And something I should’ve said to him years ago and obviously never did.”

“Oliver.”

“Look, I let him know – in no uncertain terms – that he needed to step up and start acting like your father.  I told him that he was a shitty parent and that you, of all people, didn’t deserve to be treated that way.  And… I may have threatened him.  A couple of times, actually.”

“Oliver!”

She tried for indignant and failed miserably, a smile finding its way to her face without her permission.  She was sure she didn’t have to tell him that his actions had pleased her, it was plain as day on her face.

She shook her head as she put the truck into reverse.

“You’ve told me that, after your mom died, he got a lot worse.  But was it always so bad?  Why would Tommy let him treat you that way?” he asked.

Felicity sighed, “My dad has never been the most affectionate person.  Even when Tommy and I were really young, he didn’t really play with us or teach us how to ride our bikes or anything.  That was all Mom.  Dad… Dad just wanted us to succeed.  He pushed me to study harder, to take more classes, to participate in every academic club that was offered at school.  With Tommy, it was sports.  He wanted him to focus on baseball.  Or soccer or tennis or whichever sport that he could have a career in.  I loved my brother dearly but we both know academia was not for him so sports became the fallback.”

Oliver grinned but didn’t comment.

“So, I guess, Tommy really never _let_ Dad treat me a certain way.  When he got too intense, too pushy, Tommy was the one who would take me out of the house and find a way to distract me,” she explained, “He and my mom did what they could to make sure I had an actual childhood instead of being focused solely on my education.”

“So what changed?”

She parked the truck in their driveway less than ten minutes after dropping off her dad.  With the heat wafting around them, Felicity turned in to face Oliver.  She shrugged.

“I don’t – I don’t know, honestly.  Those last few years, before Mom and Laurel died, before Tommy, he became this whole other person.  He went from being sort of indifferent where Tommy and I were concerned to being cruel.  To me especially.  I don’t know if it’s because I got in his way that night he hit my mom but Tommy…”

Oliver waited for her to continue, his hand finding hers across the seat when she was quiet for too long.

“Tommy what, Felicity?”

She swallowed thickly.

“Tommy thought Mom might’ve had an affair.  That I – that my father isn’t actually my biological father.  Not long after we found out that he’d hit her, Tommy started asking questions but Mom always avoided answering them.  After the accident, we talked about getting a DNA test but we never got around to it.”

For a long moment, Oliver simply held her hand and stared at her thoughtfully.  Thea was still dead to the world in the backseat, soft snores rumbling from beneath the hood of her coat, and even though it was the middle of the night, Felicity thought that she would be perfectly happy to sit there with him for as long as possible.

“I can’t see you mom doing that,” he told her eventually, “To you, I mean.  Having an affair… maybe.  But I can’t imagine her not telling you.  Not telling Tommy.  She would’ve wanted you both to know.  And if it is true, why would your dad hold back?  What’s keeping him from throwing that in your face now that your mom is gone?”

She shrugged, “I’ve wondered the same thing for years, Oliver.  I have no idea.  Dad’s had plenty of opportunities to disown me and he hasn’t done it yet.”

He nodded, lifting the hand clasped in his to his mouth, pressing warm lips against her chilly skin.

“It’s late,” he muttered, “Or early.  Let’s go back to bed.”

Heat rushed to her cheeks at his words.  She knew that he saw it, that he heard the words the way that she’d heard them, and she watched the blue of his eyes darken.  He dropped one last kiss to her knuckles before releasing her hand and climbing from the truck.  She followed suit, rounding the front end to wait for him as he hefted Thea into his arms.  They walked to the front door together, Oliver kicking off his boots without blinking an eye, and after locking the door behind them, Felicity followed him upstairs.

With Thea back in her bed, Oliver took Felicity by the hand and led her across the hall. 

“Felicity?” Oliver murmured once they’d settled back into bed.

“Hmm?”

“Thea’s being picked up in the morning, right?”

She nodded, “In… like five hours, I think.”

“And you have to pick her up tomorrow evening?”

She nodded again, “Mm-hmm.”

The arm he had wrapped around her waist pulled her even closer and he pressed his face into her neck.

“Have dinner with me tonight?”

She couldn’t help but smile.

“Like a date?” she teased.

He huffed, his warm breath leaving goosebumps where it danced across her skin.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

She nodded again, sliding her hand into his hair and holding on.  Her eyes fell closed as she felt Oliver’s breathing even out and with a smile on her face, Felicity fell asleep.

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are wonderful! Not much more to say to that, really. The response to this fic has been so wonderful and, as always, it’s greatly appreciated!

**Chapter Sixteen**

_Felicity scanned the crowd gathered on the university lawn.  Somewhere in the sea of faces, she was certain Oliver and Tommy were searching for her.  Commencement had finally ended and, with her degree in hand, she set off to find the two most important men in her life._

_“Aunt Felicity!”_

_She turned to her left just in time to catch Thea as she catapulted herself into Felicity’s legs.  She teetered under the force of the collision, her sky-high heels cute but totally not practical for high impact sports, and was steadied by her husband’s arms as they circled her waist.  His chin found its way to her shoulder and he pressed a scratchy kiss just below her ear.  She squirmed._

_“Gah, that beard has got to go, Oliver.”_

_He chuckled, working the too-long scruff against her sensitive skin and making her squeak as she tried to escape his hold._

_“Okay, okay,” Tommy groaned, “Geez, aren’t I subjected to this enough at home?  We’re in public, Ollie, knock it off.”_

_Even though she couldn’t see his face, she was certain that her husband was rolling his eyes.  Whatever his expression, it made Thea giggle and Felicity ruffled her hair._

_“Congratulations Aunt Felicity!”_

_She grinned down at her niece, “Thanks babe!”_

_Oliver’s arms drew her further into his embrace and his lips found her ear._

_“I’m so proud of you, baby,” he whispered, “I love you.”_

_Felicity turned until she could rest her forehead against his._

_“Thank you, Oliver.  I love you, too.”_

_He kissed her softly, a chaste kiss compared to most, and released her so that Tommy could pull her in for a hug.  Her brother, if it were possible, clutched her more fiercely than Oliver had._

_“Mom would be so proud of you, ‘Lis,” he told her._

_Tears sprung to her eyes and she blinked them away.  It had already been an emotional day, beginning early that morning when she’d learned that her father wouldn’t be attending her graduation, and as her brother held her in his arms and reminded her – as if she actually needed to be reminded – that their mother wasn’t there to share the moment, she struggled to overcome her grief._

_“You’re the best of us, you know that right?  Mom and Dad and me, you’re better than all of us could ever hope to be.  You should be incredibly proud of yourself.”_

_She nodded, pressing her face into his shoulder to hide her tears.  When she was certain she had control of her emotions again, she stepped away and wiped her eyes._

_“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving,” she announced, “I was too nervous to eat breakfast.”_

_“Ooh can we have pizza, Daddy?” Thea asked as Tommy swung her up and onto his shoulders._

_“I think we should let Aunt Felicity decide, shouldn’t we?  It’s her big day, after all.”_

_Oliver’s hand found hers, his fingers sliding between her own, and he squeezed.  Smiling up at him, her head found its way to his shoulder._

_“Can we have pizza for lunch, Aunt Felicity?” Thea asked from her perch._

_“Pizza sounds great.”_

 

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

Sara shook her head, her ponytail swinging.

“Of course not.  This date is important, Felicity.  You and Oliver need to find your way back to each other and I think this is a perfect place to start.  Besides, I’ll let you make it up to me by making brunch tomorrow.  Nyssa and I will be at your place around eleven.”

Felicity grinned, throwing her arms around Sara for a quick hug.

“You’re going to end up with food on your dress,” Sara chastised, giving her a gentle shove, “You’d better get out there, Ollie will be here soon.”

She’d left Oliver at home that morning with plans to meet at the bar after her shift ended.  The Lance’s had picked Thea up and as soon as they’d gone, Felicity had had to hustle to make it to Verdant on time to prep for the lunch crowd.  She’d managed to grab a change of clothes on her way out the door.

Stepping out into the dining room, she paused as every eye fell on her.  Her face flushed.

“Wow, Felicity, you look beautiful.”

John and Lyla sat at the bar, in their usual spots, both of them grinning at her.

She smiled, “Thank you.”

“Are you going out tonight?” Lyla asked, the look in her eyes letting Felicity know that she’d already deduced what was going on.

“I am.  With my husband.”

There was a scoff of feigned disbelief from behind her and she turned to find Iris standing there, hands on her hips as she shook her head.

“I still can’t believe that you didn’t tell me that you were married,” her friend scolded, “And to that absolutely gorgeous man that walked in here two weeks ago.  You just let me drool over him all night.”

Felicity laughed.

“Would knowing that he was my husband have stopped you from drooling over him?” she asked.

It was Iris’ turn to laugh, the sound carrying across the full dining room.

“Absolutely not.”

Felicity fidgeted nervously with the thick black belt cinched around her waist.  Oliver would be there any moment and as her anticipation built, so did her nervousness.  After nearly a decade together, she didn’t think that she could be more prepared for a date with him.  But things were different now.  While she still loved him, still needed him with her for the rest of her life, she couldn’t quell the swarm of butterflies dive bombing in her stomach at the prospect of spending an evening alone with him. 

“You look incredible, ‘Lis,” Helena told her, rounding the bar, “Are you excited?”

Felicity shrugged, “Excited, nervous, a little terrified.”

“Why?” Iris asked.

Her eyes flashed to John and Lyla.  Of the group of friends gathered around her, the Diggles were the only ones who understood the seriousness of Oliver’s condition.  She wasn’t close enough to either Iris or Helena to confide in them just what she and Oliver were going through. 

“It’s just been a long time since I’ve been on a real date,” she explained, “Years, in fact.”

The bell above the door rang, indicating a new arrival, and Felicity turned just in time to watch Oliver step into the bar.  His hair was wet with melting snow and he took a moment to rake his fingers through it, mussing it further.  Her eyes skimmed the length of his body.  He wore her favorite pair of dark-wash jeans but whatever shirt he’d chosen was hidden beneath a heavy wool coat.  On his feet was a new pair of boots and she wondered briefly if he’d gone shopping without her.  The thought didn’t linger long though because it was quickly replaced by the overwhelming need to go to him. 

Iris passed her her coat and Felicity accepted it without looking at her.  She made her way toward Oliver without a second glance at any of Verdant’s patrons.  He smiled at her as she approached, his dark eyes sliding along her frame.

She hadn’t gotten too fancy when deciding what would be appropriate for their first night out together since Oliver’s return.  Wearing a simple, gray shirt-dress with a wide leather belt, she felt pretty and comfortable.  She’d finished the outfit off with dark tights and knee-high boots.  She couldn’t miss the appreciation in Oliver’s eyes as he took her coat from her hands.

“Hi.”

He grinned, “Hi.  You’re gorgeous.”

The heat in her cheeks flared to life again and she ducked her head shyly.

“Thank you.”

Oliver held her coat open for her and helped her into it, pulling her long blonde hair free of the collar before pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek.  Her hands fell to his chest.

For a long moment, neither of them moved.  It didn’t matter that they were standing just in front of the door or that every single person in the bar was staring at them.  All that seemed to matter to either of them in that moment was the connection that sparked between them.

“Are you ready to go?” Oliver asked, his voice low and husky, sliding along her skin and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

She swallowed hard and nodded, taking his proffered arm and ignoring the eyes on her back as Oliver led her out of the bar.  They were both quiet as he opened her door and helped her into the truck.  When he was settled behind the wheel, he glanced at her quickly.

“Are you sure you’re warm enough?  The temperature’s probably dropped fifteen degrees since this morning.”

Felicity angled herself in her seat to see him better and smiled.

“I’m sure, Oliver.  Where are we headed?”

“If I remember right, there’s a really great Thai place about fifteen miles north of town… is it still there?”

She nodded.

“It’s just off of Route 5, you’ll see it before we reach the exit.  We actually used to eat there a lot,” she confirmed, “It’s where we had our first official date.”

Oliver’s fingers closed around hers where they rested on her knee.  He squeezed gently.

“I’m sorry, I – I don’t remember that.”

“I know, it’s okay.”

He looked at her as if he wanted to say something more but Felicity sensed his hesitation and reached for his hand.  His fingers wove through hers.

The truck’s cab had warmed considerably and she was grateful.  As her body warmed and silence settled around them, her nerves finally began to settle.  The evening sky was dark, only a few streaks of pink left along the horizon, and she found herself being comforted by Oliver’s presence at her side and the quiet familiarity that she had missed for so long.  Five years they’d been separated, five long years she’d had to go without him, and she had longed for him every second that he was gone.  When he and Tommy had returned after their first _short_ deployment, she had thought she’d been through the worst of it.  The woman she’d been nearly seven years prior had no notion of the future that awaited her.

“It’s this exit,” she directed gently, her eyes on him as he steered them toward their destination.

They parked in front of _Sukho_ a few moments later.  Oliver came to her door, helping her out of the truck and taking her hand again.  She smiled up at him, her heart beating just a little harder, and clutched him tightly.  Inside, they were led to a table in the back near an ornate fireplace and just as she was about to sit in the chair Oliver had pulled out for her, a female voice called his name.  They turned together, watching as a lithe, dark haired woman approached, a broad smile on her face.

“Isabel?”

Felicity blanched as a weight settled heavily in her stomach.  Oliver remembered this woman, whoever she was.

“I thought that was you!  It’s been years,” Isabel announced, her tone light and her smile firmly affixed as she lifted on her toes to press a familiar kiss to Oliver’s cheek. 

It took every ounce of Felicity’s self control not to pull Oliver into her side again and create a wide breach between him and Isabel.  She didn’t appreciate the way the other woman was manhandling her husband.

“A decade, at least,” Oliver replied, stepping easily away from Isabel and back to Felicity.  His arm snaked around her waist, “Felicity, this is Isabel Rochev.  She went to high school with Tommy and I until, what?  Tenth grade?”

Isabel held a slim hand out to Felicity and they shook briefly.  She didn’t miss the way that Oliver’s old classmate didn’t linger on her long.

“So how have you been?  I think the last time that I saw you, you’d just come back from a trip overseas.”

Felicity bit her lip to keep from scoffing.  She made it sound like he’d been on a European vacation rather than fighting for their country.

Oliver shrugged, “That was just a few weeks after my first deployment.  I’ve been back to Iraq since then.”

The spark of appreciate she saw in Isabel’s dark eyes made her tense in Oliver’s arms.  His hand tightened where it gripped her hip.

“Tommy was with you, right?  The two of you enlisted at the same time?” Isabel questioned.

“We did, yeah.”

“How is he?  He married one of the Lance sisters, right?  Lauren?”

“Laurel,” Felicity corrected, “Tommy was married to Laurel.  But he died.  In Iraq.  It’s been three years now.”

The surprised look on Isabel’s face was the first expression that Felicity read as sincere.  She’d had no idea that Tommy was gone.  And as her expression morphed from one of surprise to one of sympathy, Felicity felt her defenses slip. 

“I’m so sorry.  I – I hadn’t heard.”

Oliver held her just a little bit closer and for the first time, Isabel really seemed to notice the connection between them.

“Felicity is Tommy’s sister,” he explained, “And my wife.”

The other woman’s dark, exotic eyes shifted between them briefly and Felicity couldn’t quite name the emotion she saw in them.  Glancing at Oliver, she couldn’t help but wonder if something had happened between them, if there was a story that he hadn’t told her.

“Now I know I’ve really lost touch with everyone from back home,” she laughed softly, “You’re married and - and Tommy’s …”

“A lot has changed in the last few years.”

She nodded, “It really has.  It was good to see you, Oliver.”

“Yeah, you too, Isabel.”

Isabel turned to her, “And I’m so sorry about Tommy.”

Felicity nodded but said nothing, neither she nor Oliver moved until Isabel was out of sight.  When she’d gone, they took their seats across from one another.

“You went to high school with her?” she asked quietly.

Picking up her menu, she scanned it without actually seeing the words on the page.  Jealousy swamped her.  She didn’t know for sure that there’d been any kind of relationship between Oliver and Isabel in the past but the fact that he had remembered her, that he knew that woman better than he knew her, sent a sharp pain racing through her.

“Middle school and high school,” Oliver told her, “Her parents got divorced when we were fifteen and she moved to Ivy Town to live with her mom.”

She nodded, her eyes never leaving her menu.

“And you were friends with her?  You and Tommy?”

“Yeah.  She and I – we dated for a few months sophomore year.  It wasn’t anything serious, we were just kids.”

She swallowed hard, her throat feeling as if it was lined with sandpaper, and blinked back a sudden surge of tears.  His words burned as they sunk into her heart.

Their waiter arrived then, saving Felicity from trying to find something to say, and once they’d ordered and he left them alone again, she let her eyes fall back to the table.

“Hey, Felicity, what’s wrong?”

She shook her head, “Nothing.”

Oliver sighed, his hand coming down over hers where it rested on the table.

“Then why won’t you look at me?”

Felicity took a steadying breath and forced herself to meet his gaze.  His blue eyes were filled with understanding and seeing it only fueled her ire.  She fought to quell it.

“Isabel?”

She sighed, “I know that it isn’t your fault, Oliver.  You can’t control who you do or don’t remember.  I get that.  It just… hurts, that’s all.”

“Felicity.”

She shook her head again and squeezed his hand.  Their waiter returned then with their drinks and she found herself pulling away from him.  It took a long, tense moment for Felicity to rein in her emotions and shove them past the lump in her throat.

“Can we just … can we just pretend that that didn’t happen and try to enjoy our dinner?”

She was able to count well past one hundred before Oliver nodded and sat back in his chair.  He fiddled with the glass of scotch on the table in front of him.

“Did you date?  Before me, I mean.  Did you date anyone else when you were young?”

“No.  I… you know, I was only fifteen when I realized I had feelings for you.  And I couldn’t bring myself to try to be with someone else, not really.  I mean, there was… there was someone my first year at Wells.  He was seventeen, not too much older than me, but we didn’t really _date_.  We were friends and I cared about him but I didn’t want to be with him the way I wanted to be with you.”

Their meals arrived and Felicity took a bite to occupy herself.

“You never mentioned her,” she said softly, “Isabel.  I – you’ve never talked about her before.”

Oliver sighed.

“I’m sorry, Felicity.  I don’t know why I didn’t tell you.  Isabel, she … she wasn’t the first girl that I dated but she was …”

She knew that being jealous was irrational.  Oliver’s relationship with Isabel had been years earlier.  She’d been a child then and she wouldn’t have known then to be jealous of what they had.  None of it mattered.  In the end, he’d picked her.  He loved her.  He was her husband.

But knowing that she’d been his choice didn’t soothe the sting.  He remembered Isabel, a woman that she hadn’t even known existed, and he couldn’t remember her.

“Felicity?”

“I’m fine, Oliver.  It’s nothing, it’s stupid.”

Looking up at him, she blinked and stared at him through tear-filled eyes.

“Sweetheart, please, don’t cry.”

He reached across the table for her hand again.

“I want to remember you more than anything.  I want to be the man that you fell in love with.  You have to know that, memory or not, Isabel Rochev doesn’t mean anything to me.  Why would she?  She’s my past, Felicity.  You are my future.  My always.  I chose you.  I will always choose you.  I’d think nearly ten years together was proof enough of that.”

She laughed weakly, “I told you it was stupid.”

He clasped her fingers tightly, the heavy metal bands around her finger digging into her skin.

“We’ll figure this out.  I promised you that I wasn’t going anywhere and I mean it.  I love you.”

Felicity sighed, “You think.”

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, a huge thank you to everyone reading this. You’re comments and support are greatly appreciated.

**Chapter Seventeen**

_Felicity dug her ringing phone from her coat pocket, sighing at the sight of her mother’s photo flashing on the screen.  She brushed past Oliver as he held the door for her, grinning at him over her shoulder and stepping into the warmth of the coffee shop._

_“Hi Mom,” she greeted, lifting the device to her ear._

_“Felicity!  Oh thank God, where are you?”_

_The sound of her mother’s panicked voice had her rolling her eyes._

_“Oliver and I are grabbing coffee,” she explained, “We’ll be back soon.”_

_Her fiancé dropped a kiss to the top of her head and steered her toward a plush loveseat in front of a roaring fire.  Her eyes followed him as he stepped up to the counter to order their drinks._

_“Sweetheart, we have so much to do today.  You really need to come back to the hotel.”_

_Sinking down onto a warm, leather cushion, Felicity barely repressed another sigh._

_“Mom, please, just let us have this time.  An hour, two tops.  It’s still early, I’ll be back as soon as we’re done here.”_

_Her mother continued on as if she hadn’t heard the plea in Felicity’s voice, rattling off the long and seemingly endless list of things she had to do that day.  The sun was just peaking over the horizon and, by her estimation, they still had plenty of time.  But she knew that Laurel and her mom had planned the wedding day agenda down to the second.  Having the bride disappear with her husband-to-be just before dawn had thrown a wrench in the plan._

_“Mom!  Mom!  Would you please just listen to me for a second?  I swear to you, I will be back in the suite before anything needs to happen.  McKenna won’t be there to start on everyone’s hair until nine.  I’ve already showered.  I’m having breakfast now.  Everything will be fine, alright?  Just… just let me have this time with Oliver.  Please?  As soon as things get started, this day is going to fly by and I – I want some time alone with him before it all gets away from us.  Is that too much to ask?”_

_Felicity’s request was met with a sudden silence and she found herself frowning down at her phone._

_“Mom?”_

_The wistful sigh that carried across the line had her shaking her head._

_“You are head over heels in love with that boy, aren’t you?”_

_Looking over at Oliver where he stood at the counter, strong arms crossed over his chest, she wasn’t surprised to find him watching her.  Warmth filled every part of her and the devotion in his eyes made her heart swell.  She smiled brightly._

_“Yeah, Mom, I think I am.”_

_They said goodbye just as Oliver settled into the seat beside her.  She took her drink from him and pressed herself into his side.  His arm fell across her shoulders, drawing her closer._

_“You’re mom’s freaking out, isn’t she?”_

_She snorted, “Only a lot.  But I think I convinced her that this is a good idea.  That we needed it.  I did have to promise that I’d be back before McKenna shows up at nine so …”_

_She caught his wrist and snuck a peak at his watch._

_“We’ve got just less than two hours.  And we’re still close to the hotel, so that’s good.”_

_Taking a slow sip of her vanilla latte, a pleased grin tugged at the corners of her mouth.  Two years of dating and almost two decades of friendship ensured that Oliver knew almost everything about her, including her coffee order._

_Yawning, she rested her head on his shoulder._

_They’d decided the night before – after the raucous party that had been their rehearsal dinner – that they deserved at least a few moments of peace on their wedding day.  Her mother, Laurel and Sara had kept them apart, insisting they weren’t allowed to spend the three nights prior to the ceremony together, and they’d both been struggling with the separation._

_It didn’t make sense to her, trying to stay away from the man she intended to spend the rest of her life with, just because some stupid tradition insisted she should.  Sara had tried to persuade her that three days without Oliver would only help to build the anticipation.  But Felicity didn’t think she could be any more eager to make it official.  She’d been filled a sense of excitement that’d left her on the edge of combustion since the moment he’d slid the stunning, marquis diamond onto her finger._

_“Are you excited for today?” she asked, nursing her still scorching hot coffee._

_She felt him shrug._

_“I guess.”_

_Felicity frowned._

_“You_ guess _you’re excited for our wedding day?”_

_Oliver sighed, his lips touching her forehead gently._

_“Honey, I’m thrilled to be marrying you today,” he assured her, “But the big, fancy wedding isn’t really my thing.”_

_She pulled away from him, setting her coffee on the low table beside the loveseat with more force than necessary._

_“First, it’s not that big.  Second, why did we go through all of this if it isn’t what you want?” she asked, hands flying wildly between them as her panic grew, “If you don’t want to –“_

_He caught both of her hands and pulled them to his chest._

_“Hey, baby, slow down.  Take a breath.  I never said that I don’t want this.  I just told you that I am thrilled to be marrying you and I am.  But I would’ve been happy with a drive-thru chapel in Vegas or a secluded beach in Bali.”_

_“So why didn’t we do that?  Why did you let me… why did you agree to this?”_

_Oliver sighed and tugged her forward until she fell against him.  He wrapped his arms around her._

_“Because that isn’t what you wanted, Felicity.  You’ve wanted the dress and the venue and the flowers since you were a little girl, whether you’d admit it or not, and all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.  If that means putting on a tux and standing up with you in front of our friends and family, then I’m good with it.”_

_He hadn’t been incredibly vocal when it came to planning the wedding.  Not that she could blame him.  Her mom and Laurel had really taken over when they’d moved up the timeline and Felicity had been so overwhelmed by it all that she’d eventually relented most of the control to the two of them.  They’d given her options on everything and let her make the final decisions but she hadn’t had her hands on every aspect of the wedding.  In truth, she was looking forward to finally seeing what they’d managed to pull off.  The one aspect of the whole wedding that Oliver had requested final say on was their first dance song.  She couldn’t wait to find out what he’d selected._

_She looped her arms around him and angled her head so that she could look into his eyes._

_“I don’t deserve you.”_

_Oliver pushed a lock of hair behind her ear._

_“You deserve so much better, sweetheart, but I am thankful every day that you chose me.”_

Oliver’s hand on her arm drew her out of the fog that she’d been drowning in since they’d left the restaurant.  The pressure in her chest seemed to intensify the closer they got to Star City and her eyes burned from the effort it took to keep her tears at bay.

“Felicity?  Are you alright?”

She let her gaze travel over his profile, illuminated only by the glow of the dashboard.  His eyes were focused on the road ahead of them and she took the opportunity to study the face of the man she’d married.

Dark blonde stubble dusted his chiseled jaw and framed full lips.  There was a small bump in the bridge of his nose from a break he’d suffered years earlier and long, dark lashes highlighted his cobalt eyes.  Every feature of his beautiful face made her heart beat just a little faster.

“I was … I was thinking about our wedding, about the days leading up to it.”

He glanced at her expectantly, waiting for her to elaborate, but she simply shook her head and averted her eyes.  She knew that she couldn’t relay those memories to him without breaking down.  She was already struggling, barely holding on, and reliving the joy she’d felt in those few days would definitely fracture her control. 

She’d been nervous and exited all day as she waited for their date to begin but seeing Oliver’s ex-girlfriend at the restaurant had sent reality crashing down around her.  She’d been overwhelmed by uncertainty as the breadth of what they were going through overshadowed her excitement and anticipation.

“Are you… are you still upset about Isabel?” he asked gently.

“No, Oliver.”

“Then what is it?  Please, baby, talk to me.”

For just a moment, Felicity’s control slipped.  She bit her lip as a handful of tears fell from her eyes before she brushed them away.

“Do you really feel like this is working?  Like we’re making progress?”

Oliver frowned.

“What do you mean?  Do you – do you mean our relationship?  Felicity, I’m trying.  I am.  You have to know that.  But I don’t know what else I can do.  I can’t make this go away, I can’t fix it.  No matter how much I wish that I could.  It’s only been a couple of weeks.  Please, please don’t give up.  Not now.  Not – not yet.”

She reached for him, wrapping her slim fingers around his forearm and tugging his hand free of the steering wheel.  She clutched his hand.

“I’m not giving up, Oliver,” she assured him, “It’s … This is tearing me up inside.  I love you, so much, and I don’t know how to do this.  Staying away from you, this – this distance between us is so hard for me.  I know that you’re trying and I know that things are getting better but I… God, I want you.  I want you to make love to me.  You’ve read the letters, you have to know.  Waking up in your arms, holding your hand, those little touches are wonderful and I’ve missed them so much but it’s not the same.  You have to understand… I’m still me.  I’m still the same woman who wrote those letters but you – you’re not _you,_ Oliver.”

He was frozen beside her.  His eyes never left the road and if it weren’t for the fact that his grip on her hand had become almost painful, she would have thought he hadn’t heard her.  Or that he hadn’t understood.  But his blunt fingernails dug into the back of her hand where he held her.  His jaw worked back and forth and Felicity was almost certain she could hear his teeth grinding.  She worried that he was angry, that she’d pushed too far or said too much, but she couldn’t be sure what Oliver was feeling because he didn’t speak. 

Felicity bit the inside of her cheek.  Her confession had been spontaneous and, she thought, selfish.  Oliver was trying, she saw it every day that he remained in their home.  She saw the effort he put in to getting to know her, to getting to know Thea.  She had watched him blend seamlessly back into their daily lives.  But only to a certain extent.  There were moments when he was distant, when the disconnect between them was glaringly obvious, and those moments left her with an ache in her chest that couldn’t be soothed.

Waking up with him that morning had left her wanting more.  She longed for the intimacy that they’d shared before, for the desire that had always been so strong between them, and their run-in with Isabel had triggered the hysteria she’d been feeling since the moment the other woman had approached them.  Because Oliver had remembered her.  Because he recognized his high school girlfriend while he still couldn’t remember her, his wife.  She’d been overcome with panic as her mind had begun running her worst fears on a loop.  _He won’t ever remember you.  He won’t remember you and he’ll leave you.  Oliver is going to give up on you._

They pulled into the driveway a short time later, neither of them having said another word after Felicity’s outburst, and she was out of the truck before he’d even shut off the engine.  She climbed the front steps quickly, letting herself into the house and mounting the stairs without looking back.  She didn’t want to talk anymore.  She didn’t want a confrontation but she was certain that it was coming.  Oliver deserved a chance to say something, to tell her she was wrong, to tell her she was right, whichever.  She knew that she should hear him out but she wasn’t sure her heart could take it if he said something she wasn’t ready for.

She was already in the second floor hallway when she heard the front door close as Oliver came in.  He moved through the house, no doubt checking that the doors were still locked and that the it was empty, before his heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs. 

Felicity stepped into their bedroom and crossed to her side of the bed, her back to the door.  He came in behind her just a moment later and shut the door.  The click of the latch seemed to echo around them and her pulse jumped.  She swallowed hard, squeezing her eyes shut. 

“You’re crazy if you think that I don’t want you, Felicity.”

Her hands trembled where they hung at her sides.  She refused to face him.

“I’ve kept my distance but it isn’t because I don’t _want_ you.  Damn it, Felicity, I’m not blind.  I’m still a man.  And you’re right, I’ve read the fucking letters.  I know how I felt about you, how you felt about me.  I wanted you.  All the fucking time.  And I wasn’t ashamed to admit it, at least not to you.”

“You pushed me away, Oliver,” she whispered, unable to keep the hurt from her voice.

He exhaled harshly and she knew without seeing him that he was scrubbing his hands over his tired eyes.

“Because it was our first night back together and I – I hardly knew you, baby.  Not because I didn’t want you.  Christ, I thought that was obvious.  It’s like my brain isn’t able to piece together our past but my body has no trouble remembering.  But you were upset.  Everything was … everything was such a disaster and I felt like I’d be taking advantage of you.  I didn’t want to hurt you, Felicity.  I thought you understood that.”

Large, calloused hands suddenly cupped her cheeks and her eyes flew open.  Oliver stood in front of her, close enough that his warm breath ghosted across her cheeks, and he pressed his forehead to hers.  Yearning flooded through her, racing along her nerves, ignited by the heated look on her husband’s handsome face. 

“Oliver…”

His lips brushed her forehead and across her cheeks, traveling down until he could press a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth.  Her fingers slid into his hair as Oliver’s arm wound around her, urging her closer and lifting her until her body was flush against his.  He captured her lips then, the kiss rough, fierce, and she whimpered softly.  He took advantage of her parted lips, tangling his tongue with hers, and Felicity couldn’t breathe.  She couldn’t think of anything other than man whose mouth claimed hers.  The hand on her back slid lower, dipping beneath the hem of her dress and gliding up her stocking covered thigh.

With a groan, she pulled away, stumbling back a step and holding up a hand when Oliver reached for her.

“Just – just give me two minutes,” she gasped.

Sitting down hard on the edge of the bed, she shed her boots quickly before shimmying out of her tights.  As she tossed her belt somewhere over the foot of the bed, she noticed Oliver’s eyes following her every move.  A warm blush spread across her chest and up her neck to color her cheeks.

She stood and stepped toward him.

“Okay, I’m good now.”

Oliver didn’t move as she approached and she saw a flash of concern pass over his features.  She placed both hands on his chest.

“Hey, I didn’t stop you because I don’t want this, Oliver,” she reminded him, keeping her tone light, “I just had to get some of those layers off.”

She held her breath as she waited for him to relax again.  Eventually his hands landed on her hips and the space between them disappeared.  Her arms went around his neck.

“Was I your first, Felicity?  Did we wait until our wedding night?”

The flush on her cheeks deepened.  She shook her head.

“No, we – we didn’t wait.  You were my first but we definitely did not wait.  We barely made it six months.”

He lifted one hand and cupped the back of her head, his fingers combing through her hair. 

“Was it here?  In this house?  In our room?”

Shaking her head again, she blinked up at him.

“No – no it was… it was out by the lighthouse.  In the bed of the pickup.”

He laughed at that, the sound traveling the length of her spine and causing an eruption of goosebumps across her skin.

“Seriously?  I didn’t even have enough finesse to take your virginity in a bed?  We had to do it in the back of a truck?”

She grinned, “You tried to get me to wait, actually.  You kept telling me that you’d take me away somewhere, that we would have this wonderful romantic weekend.”

“And we didn’t do that because…”

Felicity shrugged.

“Because I didn’t want to wait.  I’m the one who took you to the lighthouse.  I – I planned the whole thing.  I took you out there to seduce you.  Although I failed at it miserably.”

He tugged gently on the locks of hair twisted around his fingers, forcing her head back.  He smirked down at her.

“It couldn’t have been that bad.  We still did it, right?”

She sighed happily.

“Yeah, yeah we did.”

“Was I – was it…”

He cleared his throat nervously and Felicity pressed her lips to his cheek.

“It was perfect.  I couldn’t have asked for anything more.  You made me feel special.  I knew that I was safe and that you loved me.  And even though I wasn’t your first, you made me feel like I would be your last.”

The hand at her hip slipped down her thigh, once again finding its way beneath the hem of her dress, and as his rough fingertips brushed against her sensitive flesh, Felicity gasped.  He urged her closer and his lips touched the shell of her ear.

“Are you sure that this is okay, baby?” he murmured, “Are you sure that we’re ready for this?”

She nodded mutely, unable to speak around the sudden lump in her throat.  He couldn’t possibly understand the significance of those words or the vivid memories they evoked.  He may not remember their first night together but when he repeated the same question he’d asked her that night, she felt the tether between them draw tight like a bow string.

With both hands under her dress, Oliver lifted the garment up and over her head.  He tossed it aside, his eyes falling over her in a heated caress. 

She stood in front of him in nothing but a pair of lacy panties and a simple cotton bra but judging by the desire in his eyes, the plainness of her underwear did little to deter him.  Butterflies swarmed in her belly as Oliver continued to look his fill, not saying a word.  She wrestled with the urge to cover herself and shy away from him.  There was no reason to hide.  The man in front of her was far from a stranger.  He had seen her in every state of undress imaginable.  He’d made love to her more times than she could count, in pretty much every room of their home, but the way that he looked at her in that moment made her feel timid and restless.

“You’re staring,” she accused when she couldn’t take his silence any longer.

His fingers trailed across her shoulder, toying with the thin strap of her bra, sliding it down the length of her arm.  He repeated the motion on the opposite shoulder before his arm circled around her and he flicked open the clasp with one hand.  The offending item fell away, leaving her naked save for a scrap of lace.  Her eyes traveled to his face and she watched him take in a lungful of air.

“God, Felicity… you’re gorgeous.”

She reached for his shirt, fingers trembling as she began undoing the buttons, and shivered when Oliver’s hands settled once more on her hips.  He fingered the band of her underwear, his fingers sliding along her pubic bone, and she had to force herself to focus on her task.  It took twice as long as it should’ve for her to shove the shirt from his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor.  She touched his skin gingerly, fingers drifting over the more obvious scars littering his flesh.  He shuddered when she pressed a kiss to the numbers tattooed over his heart.

“You can’t possibly know how much I’ve missed you,” she whispered, “I love you.”

With his hands in her hair, he guided her mouth to his, forcing her onto the tips of her toes to meet his demanding kiss.  They stumbled together toward the bed until the backs of her knees hit the mattress.  Oliver lay her down carefully, coming to rest over her as his mouth moved to her jaw and down the slope of her neck.  His teeth grazed her collar bone and she whimpered, her hips jerking roughly against his as pleasure pooled low in her belly.

His lips closed around her nipple and he rolled the stiff peak between his teeth, making her cry out.  She twisted her fingers in his hair as moisture gathered between her thighs.  It had been far too long since she’d felt anything close to what Oliver was making her feel and she knew that if he continued, she wouldn’t last.  When his hand slipped into her panties and his warm fingers brushed over her mound, her entire body came up off of the mattress.

“Oliver!”

He switched to her other breast, paying it the same attention, while one thick finger delved into her cleft.

“Oh … oh fu –fuck!  Oliver!”

He circled her clit, applying an ever increasing pressure until her thighs began to tremble.  When he added a second finger, both digits scissoring the swollen bundle of nerves, pleasure exploded in her veins.  It raced through her, stealing the air from her lungs and leaving her limbs weightless.

Her eyes slipped closed as her chest rose and fell rapidly.  Threading her fingers through his hair, she tried to pull him up so that she could latch on to his luscious mouth but he resisted, thrusting those same thick fingers into her wet channel before she’d fully recovered.  A startled cry was wrenched from her throat as another wave of sensation cascaded over her.

“Shh, shh, baby, I’ve got you.”

Her head thrashed on the pillow.

“I – I can’t!  Oh, please, I –“

She moaned pitifully when he crooked the fingers sheathed deep inside of her, pressing them into the soft spongy spot within her that left her seeing stars.  Oliver’s wrist moved lazily, fingers thrusting steadily while the heel of his hand rubbed at her too-sensitive clit, and her second orgasm collided with the aftershocks of the first.  Her mouth fell open in a noiseless scream and tears leaked from her eyes.  She was vaguely aware of her fingers in his hair, wondering absently if she was hurting him, but she couldn’t find the strength to let him go.

He stayed with her, the heat of his body blanketing her, and continued to pump into her in slow, shallow thrusts.

It felt like days had passed before she was able to open her eyes again.

Oliver was stretched out beside her, his head cradled in his hand as he grinned down at her smugly.

“Hi,” he whispered, fingers trailing along her temple.

She smiled dazedly, “Hi.”

He chuckled and rolled so that his large frame covered her completely.  It was then that she realized her underwear had disappeared as had the rest of Oliver’s clothing.  He was gloriously naked and although she had already had two spectacular orgasms, the feel of his hard body pressing her into the mattress had her eagerly awaiting a third.  She lifted her legs to bracket his hips and dug her feet into the backs of his thighs.

“Felicity?”

She fidgeted beneath him.  His erection rested heavily against her belly and she chewed on her lip.  She wanted him inside of her.

“Oliver,” she whined, rolling her hips, “What are you doing?  Why aren’t you moving?”

He shook his head, smirk firmly in place, and took her face into his hands.

“Patience, sweetheart.  I need you to hear me first.”

She pouted which garnered her a radiant smile from her husband and he pressed a chaste kiss to her lips.

“I don’t just  _think_ that I love you, Felicity.  I know that I do.  I love you, baby.”

It wasn’t until he finally moved above her, sliding deep until he was fully seated inside of her, making love to her for the first time in far too long, that she truly believed him.

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you to everyone who is still sticking with me! We are well past the halfway point in this fic and it seems as if things are beginning to look up for Oliver and Felicity! I am so thankful to all of you who are taking the time to read this and especially to everyone who has left a comment. Your kind words are definitely appreciated! And to my beta westernbeauty, you’re encouragement through this whole process has been amazing. Thank you!

**Chapter Eighteen**

Felicity woke the next morning to the feel of warm sunlight on her face and the heat of Oliver’s body at her back.  His nose was pressed to the curve of her neck, his steady breaths ruffling her hair, and he had one arm curled around her.  His large hand was splayed across her abdomen, anchoring her to him.  She turned in his embrace, carding her fingers through his hair, and pressed her lips to his forehead.  A soft sound of content escaped him but he didn’t stir.  She stayed cocooned in his arms until the pressing need for the bathroom forced her to get out of bed.

She snatched Oliver’s discarded shirt from the floor as she went and when she stood before the mirror over the sink a few minutes later, she couldn’t help but grin at her reflection.

Her blue eyes were somehow even brighter than normal against her flushed face and disheveled hair.  The pink that stained her cheeks had spread to her neck and the swell of her breasts and she lifted her fingers to prod gently at her flesh.  Some of the color, she realized, wasn’t a blush at all, it was beard burn.  That knowledge made her grin widen and she rolled her eyes at herself.

Stepping back into the bedroom, her eyes fell to her husband.  He was spread out face down in their bed.  He slept on, clearly exhausted, and she definitely didn’t blame him.  It had been a long night and Oliver had worked very, _very,_ hard.

Felicity stepped into a clean pair of underwear before padding quietly into the hallway and down the stairs.

She made a beeline for the kitchen, her first stop at the coffee pot, before lifting her eyes to the clock on the back of the stove.  It was nearly ten thirty and she was mid-stretch when the reality of that struck her.

“Shit!”

She had promised Sara that she would have brunch ready for them at eleven.  It was her penance for canceling their girls’ night in favor of going on a date with Oliver and she’d completely forgotten about it.  Her sex addled brain had barely been able to remember her name the night before, there was no way she could’ve been expected to remember making plans with Sara and Nyssa.

Dashing around the kitchen, Felicity gathered the ingredients for a quick breakfast bake that she’d come to rely on in a pinch.  By the time she had the pan in the oven, she was down to less than ten minutes before her friends were due to arrive.  Cursing the fact that she knew they were punctual people, she bolted into the laundry room where she dug through the load of clothes she’d left in the dryer.  There weren’t many choices in the small pile but she managed to find a pair of pajama pants – her favorite ones with the little Matryoshkas on them – and she was grateful that she wouldn’t be forced to answer the door in her underwear.

At exactly eleven o’clock, as she was shuffling back into the kitchen, the doorbell rang and she hurried to the front of the house to answer it.

“Morning,” Sara greeted brightly, crossing the threshold after kicking snow off of her boots.

Nyssa followed her in, shutting the door and shedding her coat.  Felicity hugged each of them quickly and stepped back, frowning as she realized that her friends were eyeing her outfit suspiciously.

“What?”

Sara grinned, “Did you just roll out of bed, Lis?”

“It’s not that late,” Felicity mumbled, “And it’s Sunday.  And Thea’s not home.  I never get to sleep in.”

“Mmhmm.  And am I mistaking or is that Oliver’s shirt?” Nyssa questioned in her soft British accent.

Heat rushed to her cheeks even as she rolled her eyes.

“So what?  So I’m wearing his shirt, it isn’t a big deal.  I mean, he’s my husband and it isn’t like I’ve never –“

“Did you two finally sleep together?” Sara asked loudly, laughter dancing in her eyes.

“Shh!  Geez, Sara!  He’s still sleeping!”

The two women exchanged matching grins and Felicity snorted at their enthusiasm.  She hadn’t been aware that her sex life was such a hot topic among her friends. 

She led the way into the kitchen where she poured coffee for each of them.

“I take it that means that the date went well?”

She handed Nyssa her coffee and shrugged.

“Felicity!”

She laughed, shaking her head, “I’m not giving you details.”

Sara shuddered, “Oh god, please don’t.  I still have nightmares about the one and only time I walked into this house without knocking.”

The three of them laughed together and the combination of her laughter paired with a night spent in Oliver’s arms left her feeling lighter than she had in months. 

Her husband appeared then, shuffling into the kitchen as he pulled a shirt over his head, quickly covering his very tempting body.  She was used to his spot-on impression of an angry bear first thing in the morning so when he pulled Nyssa into a quick hug, pecked Sara on the cheek, and dropped a lingering kiss onto her parted lips, Felicity was more than a little surprised.  Sara and Nyssa seemed to share in her surprise, all three of them watching Oliver as he moved wordlessly to fill his own cup with coffee.

“Morning, Ollie,” Sara called after him, “How are you?”

He took a sip from his mug and shrugged, “Pretty good, actually, you?”

Sara’s eyes danced over to her and a teasing smile split her face.  She turned back to Oliver, sipping her coffee.

“Pretty good, though not as good as you, apparently.  It’s good to see the two of you so damn happy.”

Oliver only smiled softly at Sara before his eyes fell on her.  Felicity flushed at his look and shifted her bare feet on the cool wood floor.

“I might’ve forgotten to mention that I invited Nyssa and Sara over for breakfast this morning,” she confessed.

Oliver shrugged again, “That’s alright.  You were pretty distracted.”

Her cheeks burned and by Oliver’s grin, it was exactly the reaction he’d been hoping for.  She smacked his shoulder, making Nyssa and Sara laugh.

“Breakfast won’t be ready for another half an hour,” she said tersely, “We can hang out in here or head to the living room or…”

“Here’s fine, ‘Lis.  Let’s sit.”

Their group – now capped out at four – sat around the kitchen table.  Oliver occupied the chair beside her, his arm slung across the back of hers, and she relaxed into his hand as he massaged her upper back.  Sara and Nyssa sat opposite them, as close to one another as their chairs would allow, and an amiable silence settled around them.  For a long moment, the only sound to fill the room was that of coffee being sipped.

Sara broke first, her face splitting into a wide grin as her eyes locked on Oliver.

“Do you remember the time you and Tommy, Nyssa and Laurel dove off of that cliff at Rook’s Landing?  You guys would’ve been, what?  Seventeen, maybe?  It was the beginning of May and Tommy dared you to jump.  No one expected you to do it but you didn’t think twice about it.  Then Tommy did it, too.  And my idiot sister thought that she needed to follow you both.  God, I was so pissed at all of you.  I wasn’t even supposed to be there.”

Oliver shook his head ruefully.

“Tommy used to dare me to make that jump all the time.  You would’ve thought after the first ten times he would’ve realized that I’d never say no.”

Sara snorted, “You would think, but no.  For some dumbass reason, Tommy thought that jumping that cliff made him a bad ass.  It didn’t, of course, but no one bothered telling him that.  God, my parents were so pissed when we got home that day.  Laurel ended up with pneumonia.  It was colder than hell and the water was freezing and she ended up wearing her wet clothes for hours before we finally got back to our house.”

“She spent a couple of days in the hospital, right?”  Oliver offered, “I thought your dad was going to kill Tommy and me.  I got grounded for a month for that.”

Felicity smirked, “Tommy did, too, if I remember correctly.  But he was always getting grounded because of the stupid shit you two did.”

Oliver chuckled, “And we did a lot of stupid shit.  But … but Nyssa, you didn’t jump.  You stayed with Sara.  You were both so pissed that we’d done it.  Mostly that Tommy and I had talked Laurel into jumping, too.  That was the first time you ever called me a ‘bloody bastard’.”

Nyssa’s eyes widened and flew to Felicity’s.  They stared at one another as Oliver continued.

“You slapped Tommy.  Left a bright red handprint on his face.  You didn’t speak to me for a week after.”

Reaching across the table, Nyssa grabbed Oliver’s hand and held it tightly.

“Oliver, I – you remember?”

He’d been staring intently into his coffee cup and when he lifted his head to meet her gaze, a small smile lifted one corner of his mouth.  He nodded.

Felicity’s breath caught in her throat.  She knew that she should be grateful that some of his memories had returned.  When he’d first come home, he’d had no recollection of Nyssa, of their relationship or the years that they’d spent together as children, and Nyssa had been heartbroken.  They were cousins but with both of them being the only child, they’d been as close as siblings growing up.  But she couldn’t find it in her to be happy for either of them.  He’d remembered Nyssa first.

She did her best to school her features so neither of them would notice the disappointment that she felt.

“I – I’ll be right back.  I’ve left something in the car.”

Nyssa stood quickly, rushing out of the room.  Sara stood, too, her eyes resting gently on Felicity’s face.

“I’m going to use the restroom,” she told them, following her wife’s retreat.

Turning in his chair to face her, Oliver thread his fingers into her hair and guided her toward him.  Felicity allowed him to draw her in even as she fought the urge to relax.  She hadn’t realized how stiff her muscles were until he tried to move her.

“Good morning,” he whispered against her temple, “It’s a good thing that I heard you guys down here because I was this close to coming to find you without getting dressed.”

She laughed softly, “I’m sure Sara would’ve loved that.  She’s already been traumatized by your nakedness once in her life.  According to her, once was enough.”

At his confused look, she snorted, patting his stubble coated cheek gently.

“I’ll explain some other time,” she confirmed, leaning into him and taking comfort in his nearness, letting his presence chase away the insecurities that attempted to swallow her once again.

His lips grazed the top of her head just as Sara returned with Nyssa in tow, the former now carrying what appeared to be a photo album.  Both women reclaimed their seats at the table and Nyssa slid her chair around so that she was closer to Oliver.  She flipped opened the leather bound book filled with candid shots of their youth.

“What the hell is happening in this picture?” Oliver laughed, eyes raking over a series of successive shots, “Am I – is that a skateboard?”

Nyssa nodded, “It is.  You thought that I should learn how to ride one and that, in order to teach me, you would demonstrate.”

Oliver groaned.

“I sucked at riding that damn thing,” he grumbled, “I bought it for myself one summer thinking that I could master it.”

“Mother realized what we were doing and knew that you and a skateboard were an accident waiting to happen so she followed us around with her camera.”

Oliver chuckled again and as they continued to flip through the pages, Felicity eased away from the table.  She made a point to clear their breakfast dishes, carrying everything to the sink on the other side of the room, and turned her back on the three of them.

She had promised him that she wasn’t giving up, that she _wouldn’t_ give up, but she felt as if she were trapped in quicksand.  Every time she struggled, every inch that she gained, she only sunk deeper.  She was fighting to hold onto the sliver of hope that she had left.  Oliver had to remember her someday, it had to come back to him.  But as she watched him laugh with Nyssa and Sara, as she listened to him recount details of the childhood he and his cousin had shared, another piece of her splintered.  Because he hadn’t remembered Nyssa when he’d returned, he hadn’t known anything about her, and after only three weeks – and having spent very little of that time with her – his memories of her had returned.

So Felicity couldn’t help the worry that wormed its way into her heart once again.  What was it about their life, about their relationship, that was so traumatic that Oliver’s memories just wouldn’t return?  He’d spent nearly every moment with her integrating himself back into the same routine he’d had prior to his deployment and yet they’d made no progress.  At least not in their mission to help him recover from his amnesia. 

Heat slid along her spine as flashes of the night before assaulted her.  It had been incredible.  Consuming and gratifying and overwhelming in the most delicious way.  He had done everything in his power to eliminate her doubt and to prove to her how much he truly loved her.  And she had felt every ounce of his love as his weight had pressed her to the mattress, his body molded to hers.

“Hey.”

She started, dropping the fork she’d been washing into the sink basin with a loud clatter. 

“Geez, Sara, do I need to get you a bell?”

Her friend laughed, leaning into the counter beside her, and by the look at the other blonde’s face, Felicity knew her darkening mood had been detected.

“You okay?”

Felicity shrugged, “Fine.”

Sara’s brow hitched towards her hairline, her expression doubtful, and Felicity sighed.

“It’s just that… last night we ran into this woman.  Oliver’s high school girlfriend and he … he remembered her.  And now he’s remembered Nyssa.  But I – but he –“

Sara’s cool hand grasped her forearm.

“But he hasn’t remembered you?”

She nodded, swallowing around the lump in her throat, and focused on the soapy water.

“I had to have done something wrong,” she admitted quietly, “Because there’s obviously something in our past that his brain is determined to forget.  Why… why is it he can remember everyone and everything except for me?  It’s like I’m a ghost.  Like I’ve just been completely erased.  Every memory that Oliver has that involved me has been wiped clean and it doesn’t feel like they’ll ever come back.”

The sound of Oliver’s throaty chuckle drew her eyes across the kitchen to where he and Nyssa sat hunched together, laughing over the moments of their childhood that had been captured in the photos Nyssa’d brought.  A weight settled in her chest, twisting around her heart.  The jealousy she’d fought off at the restaurant the evening before swelled dangerously.

“You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, Felicity.”

She shook her head, pulling her arm free of Sara’s grasp.  She stepped into the laundry room just steps from the kitchen.  Sara followed.

“What does Oliver have to say about this?  You’ve talked to him, haven’t you?”

Felicity sighed heavily as she began pulling clothes from the dryer and folding them haphazardly.

“We’ve talked.  He’s hopeful.  And – and he’s in love with me.  Which is wonderful, don’t get me wrong.  But it – it’s not the same, Sara.  I will do whatever I have to do to keep him in my life but I’m so afraid of what will happen if he never remembers.  He says that it doesn’t matter, that he’ll love me no matter what, that he wants to be with me but… I don’t know.  I’m scared.”

Her friend stepped closer and caught her hands, stilling her movements.  She forced Felicity to meet her eye.

“You have every right to be scared.  I can’t say that I understand because I don’t think that anyone can.  None of us have gone through anything like this before.  But, Lis, you have to keep your head on and just keep living.  You love him and he loves you.  The two of you want to be together.  I imagine that it’s going to be difficult but you know what?  Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy.  So the question is, is being with Oliver worth all of the pain that you’re feeling right now?”

Felicity nodded, tears sliding down her cheeks.

“Yes.  Ab – absolutely.”

She let Sara pull her into a tight hug, pressing her face to the other woman’s shoulder and letting out a single, shuddering sob. 

When she stepped away, wiping her face with the sleeve of Oliver’s shirt, she sighed.

“Sorry.  God, I – sometimes I worry that I’m not strong enough for this.”

Sara laughed, “Lis, you are pretty much the strongest person that I’ve ever met.  You survived the loss of your mom and Laurel and then Tommy not much later.  You take care of your dad’s pathetic ass as much as he’ll let you.  And on top of all of that, you run Verdant while parenting an eleven year old.  You’ve got this.”

Felicity snorted and drug her fingers through her hair.  She knew that Sara was right.  She had handled so many tragedies in her life, had lost too many people, and she’d survived.  And she’d done so with Oliver at her side.  It didn’t matter that he couldn’t remember the details of their past.  It didn’t matter that he couldn’t remember the life they’d had before the amnesia.  What mattered was that he was safe, alive and well and with her again.  He knew that he loved her.  He’d assured her that he wanted her and that he was willing to fight for them.  She could get past this new hurtle that life had thrown at them, she _would_ get past it, because once again, she had Oliver at her side.

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, um, did y’all see last night’s episode? I mean… I was trying not to get my hopes up after the sizzle reel but damn it, I was on the edge of my seat last night! I cannot wait to see how these last four episodes pan out. And all the Olicity goodness next week?? Bring it on! 
> 
> And now, onto the story! Thank you to everyone who is still with me and for all the wonderful words of encouragement! You guys are amazing!

**Chapter Nineteen**

“So… are you going to tell me what that was all about?”

She blinked up at him from behind her glasses.  They had said goodbye to Nyssa and Sara a short time earlier and Felicity had all but run to their bedroom in her attempt to hide.  Of course, with their newly rekindled intimacy, Oliver had had no problem following her into the bathroom.  She stood in front of him in nothing but her lacy pink boyshorts, having already stripped off the rest of her clothing in order to take a shower.

“What what was all about?” she asked, crossing her arms over her breasts.

Oliver stared her down, his intent gaze never leaving her face, and when he didn’t relent, she sighed heavily.

“It was nothing, really.  Everything is fine.”

Oliver huffed, “You disappeared with Sara for fifteen minutes and when you came back, you were uncharacteristically quiet.  You barely said ten words to Nyssa before they left.”

She cringed inwardly.  She’d hoped that no one, least of all Nyssa, had noticed how closed off she’d become but if Oliver had sense something was up, there was no doubt that his cousin had as well.  Guilt swamped her.

“I just… it’s –“

“Do you regret it?” he asked, his posture mirroring hers, “Last night.  Do you regret it?  Is that what’s going on?  Why you’re so distant?”

She shook her head in vehement denial and closed the distance between them.  Tugging his hands free, Felicity guided them to her hips and moved into his personal space.  Every breath that she took thrust her breasts against his chest.  His hands fisted the delicate lace of her underwear.

“I don’t regret a single moment that I’ve spent with you, Oliver.  Not one.”

He let out a deep, relieved breath and she hated herself a little for worrying him.  He tucked her beneath his chin.

“Then tell me, Felicity, please.  What’s going on in that brilliant mind of yours?”

Oliver’s arms slid around her, his large warm hands splayed along her spine, and she let herself be lured further into his embrace.  She pressed her ear to his heart.

“There’s nothing to tell.  Nothing new, anyway.  Just… just the same insecurities rearing up and making me question everything.  Again.”

His fingers carded through her hair where it tumbled down her back.

“Because of Nyssa?  Because I remember her now.”

She nodded.

“Felicity…”

“I know, Oliver.  I know how stupid it is.  I know it’s ridiculous.  And I don’t need you to – to keep comforting me because I am irrationally jealous of every person that you’re able to remember.  Somehow in the last few weeks I’ve become this needy, desperate woman that I’ve never been before and I hate it.  I don’t know what to do with myself when I feel like this and I don’t know how to make it stop.  Do I wish that you could remember me?  God, yes, every day.  But I … I know that you love me, memories or not, and I promise you that that’s enough.  That I’m not going to run away or give up.  But I – this is…”

He sighed, “There’s nothing that I can say that will make you feel better is there?”

She shrugged.

“It’s just going to take time.  But I promise you, I’m fine.  _We’re_ fine.  But you … you should know that these moments will probably keep happening.  I’m trying to stay levelheaded, trying to be rational about all of this, but it’s hard for me.”

They had a couple of hours before they’d need to go and fetch Thea from the Lances and Felicity wanted to shower and spend a good amount of time curled up with her husband.  The heat of his body where she was pressed against him was the only thing that kept her from shivering in her state of undress.  She pulled away from him only so far as to be able to press up on her toes and leave a lingering kiss on his lips.  The hand in her hair fisted the strands gently, keeping her there.

“Oliver,” she breathed, the air in the small room shifting around them in a heartbeat.

His forehead touched hers, his warm breath dancing across her cheeks, and Felicity’s eyes slipped closed.

Now that they had crossed the line and the intimacy had been reignited between them, she found herself praying that these heady moments would become more frequent.  Because she’d missed so much with Oliver in the five years that he’d been away.  She’d missed the desire in his eyes, the passion in his kiss.  She had missed the fire that only Oliver had ever been able to light within her.  And as he held her close, the calloused pads of his fingers traveling the length of her spine enticingly, Felicity felt that fire pop and crackle and begin to spread, burning her from the inside out.

She barely even noticed that they were moving, Oliver backing them into the spacious shower in their en suite, as he lowered his mouth to hers.

_Salty ocean air caught on the loose tendrils of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail, casting them across her face as she shuffled around in the bed of the pickup.  Her knees were beginning to ache and she silently cursed herself for not grabbing Tommy’s air mattress from the garage.  She hoped that the half dozen blankets she’d brought would provide enough padding.  She had a big night planned.  A (hopefully) long and eventful night and she didn’t want it to be ruined by a metal rivet digging into her back._

_Casting a quick glance at her phone, she lit the few candles that she’d scattered across the roof of the truck and took one last turn fluffing the pillows.  Satisfied that the nest she’d created was both comfy and romantic, Felicity scooted her way to the tailgate and hopped down.  She had roughly twenty minutes to make herself presentable before Oliver arrived._

_She snorted at the thought._ If he’s actually on time _._

_The duffle bag that she’d packed held a cute and dare-she-say sexy satin camisole and short set that she hoped Oliver would love along with a change of clothes for the next morning.  She’d thought ahead, packing the essentials like deodorant, a bottle of perfume and baby wipes.  It was late enough in the summer that it wasn’t scorching hot but it was still warm and building a makeshift bed in the back of the truck had left her skin slick with sweat.  And even though the ocean was just steps away, jumping in for an impromptu rinse was not her idea of a good time._

_She found an even more secluded spot near the lighthouse, somewhere that she wouldn’t be seen should Oliver arrive before she was ready, and took her time freshening up.  She slipped off her shorts and t-shirt, deciding to shed her bra and panties as well, and slipped the smooth, silky material of her lingerie up her legs.  Tugging the top over her head, she freed her hair from its elastic and shook out the long, blonde curls.  Shoving everything back into her bag, she made a quick dash back to the truck, managing to store everything in the cab just moments before headlights appeared at the end of the winding drive that led up to the lighthouse._

_She ginned, “Only five minutes late, Queen, I’m impressed.”_

_Hopping into the bed of the pickup, she found herself panicking as she tried to decide if she should be lying down when he arrived or not.  She’d been planning for nearly two weeks but she hadn’t thought at all about what she should do with herself before Oliver got there and how she wanted him to find her.  In the end, because she’d most definitely run out of time, she ended up sitting in the middle of the nest of blankets, long legs stretched out in front of her and crossed at the ankles.  She leaned back onto her arms where they were extended behind her.  Heat rushed to her cheeks as she tried to imagine what Oliver would do or say when he saw her.  A swarm of nervous butterflies erupted in the pit of her stomach._

_She heard Oliver’s car door slam shut and his feet on the gravel.  He’d parked in the only place she’d left him, so that their vehicles were nose to nose, and she knew that he couldn’t see her._

_“Felicity?”_

_“Back here,” she called, thankful for the steadiness in her voice._

_She could hear the rocks shift beneath his shoes as he followed the sound of her voice.  When he rounded the bed of the truck, he froze, his eyes widening slightly as he drank in the sight she made._

_“Wow.”_

_She flushed, ducking her head briefly before forcing her gaze to meet his._

_“Hi.”_

_“Hi… what are we doing?”_

_Felicity tipped her head and chewed on her lower lip as the heat in her cheeks slid down her neck and colored her exposed flesh.  Oliver’s eyes fell to follow that flush for just a moment before flashing back up to hers.  His normally bright irises had darkened considerably and the warmth she found there caused her pulse to jump.  She swallowed hard._

_“Come sit with me,” she requested quietly, feeling the butterflies as they slammed around like little pinballs inside of her._

_Oliver did as she asked, hopping up onto the tailgate and toeing off his sneakers.  He crawled on his hands and knees towards her, the action reminding her slightly of a jungle cat stalking its prey, and she shivered.  He settled beside her, mirroring her pose, with his hip near her knees so that they were facing one another.  His big, warm palm landed high up on her thigh, his thumb skimming just beneath the hem of her very short shorts._

_“Felicity.”_

_His voice was soft, tender, taking on that tone that he had always reserved just for her and hearing it tonight of all nights elicited myriad emotions from her.  She suddenly found herself blinking back tears._

_“Hey, baby, what’s wrong?  What is it?”_

_She shook her head, “Nothing’s wrong.  I – I love you, Oliver.”_

_He grinned, “I love you, too.”_

_“I – I want you.  Will you… I want to…”_

_Felicity swallowed hard and glanced down at her lap.  She sat up straight and clasped her hands together in an attempt to hide the way they were trembling.  But she knew that she couldn’t hide from him, that her nervousness, her trepidation, was written clear as day on her face.  His hand come down over both of hers, wrapping them up easily, and he leaned into her._

_“You can ask me anything,” he told her softly, “Please don’t be embarrassed.”_

_It had only been five months since everything between them had changed.  Since Oliver had gone from being her big brother’s best friend to something so much more.  She loved him, had loved him for years, and now that they were finally together and happy, she was ready to take the next step with him.  Only Oliver had been keeping her at arm’s length, never letting them getting any further than some seriously heavy makeout sessions and a lot of PG-13 touching.  But Felicity wanted more.  She wanted all of it and she wanted it with him._

_“Oliver… I – please make love to me.”_

They stumbled out of the shower twenty minutes later with Felicity’s heart still racing after a pretty spectacular orgasm courtesy of Oliver’s fingers and fell into bed.  She sighed happily, combing her fingers through his hair as he focused his attention on the column of her throat.  His erection, thick and hard and throbbing against the inside of her thigh, was evidence that round two was about to begin so when her cell rang where it rested on the nightstand, Felicity groaned for an entirely different reason.

“Ignore it,” Oliver ordered gruffly.

She squirmed, “It could be important.  It could be about Thea.  I – I’ve got to get it, Oliver.  Five minutes, I promise.”

He grumbled something that she was certain was a colorful profanity and she shook her head, laughing.  She had to stretch to reach her phone when he wouldn’t budge from his place on top of her but she didn’t complain.

“Hello?”

“Felicity, dear, it’s Moira.”

She rolled her eyes and pinched Oliver’s shoulder.  He lifted his head, brushing her damp hair from her face, and waited.

“Hi, Moira.  What’s up?”

“Honey, I need you to come to the house right away,” her mother-in-law requested, something in the tone of her voice setting off alarms for Felicity, “And bring Oliver.”

Felicity shoved at Oliver’s chest until he rolled off of her and she sat up, sliding her finger across the screen of her phone to put his mother on speaker.

“Moira, what’s going on?  What’s wrong?”

His mother paused for a long moment and they could hear muffled voices in the background.

“Please, Felicity, just hurry.”

The call disconnected abruptly and they both sat and stared at her phone for a minute.

“What the hell was that?” Oliver asked.

She shook her head, “I have no idea but… but I think we need to get over there.  Now.”

They dressed in a hurry, the tense silence between them suddenly having nothing to do with sex and everything to do with the worry that plagued them both. 

Oliver didn’t even bother to stop for his coat as they left the house in a rush, leaving Felicity to grab it for him, and as he backed the truck quickly into the street, she reached for his hand where it was wrapped tight around the steering wheel.  She thread their fingers together.

“Whatever it is, Oliver, we’ll figure it out,” she murmured, hoping the words would somehow soothe him even though her own mind raced with worst-case scenarios.

It took less than ten minutes for them to arrive at the Queen manor.  The truck jerked with forward momentum as Oliver slammed the shifter into park directly behind her father’s car. 

“Shit,” she breathed, her chest tightening, “Not again.”

Felicity clambered from the car, her boots slipping precariously in the snow covered drive, and Oliver reached her side quickly.  His hand closed around her elbow.

“Let me go first, sweetheart.”

She hesitated, knowing how well received Oliver would be if her father was drunk – as she imagined he was – and the fight that would no doubt ensue.  She had firsthand experience with her father’s temper.  If Oliver went into the house looking for a physical altercation, she knew damn well that her father would give him one.  There was no reason for him to be at the Queen’s home anyway.  Thea wasn’t there, she wasn’t there, so unless he’d come looking to pick a fight, she had no clue why he was there in the first place.

“Maybe…maybe you should just wait out here.  We both know that my dad isn’t exactly your biggest fan.”

His fingers tightened where they gripped her elbow.  She understood that the scowl that marred his handsome face wasn’t actually directed at her but the knowledge didn’t stop a shiver from racing down her spine.

“I’m not letting you go in there alone, Felicity.  I’d rather it be me on the receiving end of his rage than you.”

She pulled her arm free of his grasp and slipped her hand into his, nodding.  He’d always been willing to step into the line of fire for her, even before they’d admitted their feelings for one another, and she knew that just because he couldn’t remember everything about their relationship, his need to protect her hadn’t faded.

When they reached his parents’ front door, they both froze.  Oliver glanced at her for a long moment, his face a hard mask, before turning the knob and stepping over the threshold.

What they found didn’t quite make sense to her at first. 

Moira and Robert were seated in the living room just off the foyer, side by side on sofa, and her father stood in front of the fireplace with his back to them.  He was staring up at the family portrait that hung above the mantle.  From where she stood, he posed no threat to her in-laws.  In reality, if he’d wanted to, Robert could have overtaken her father easily.

“Dad?  What are you doing here?  What’s going on?”

Her father whipped around to them quickly, their appearance in the doorway obviously catching him off guard.  Felicity stumbled back at the sight of the rifle clutched in his hand, a startled gasp escaping her.

Oliver stepped in front of her, putting himself between her and her father, and her hands fell to his back, clutching at his sweatshirt.

“What the hell are you doing, Malcolm?”

Her father glared at Oliver, his dark eyes shifting to her where she peaked around her husband’s broad shoulder before locking onto Oliver once again.

“Where’s Thea?  I want to see her.”

She could smell the whiskey on his breath even at a distance.

“Thea’s not here.  And you shouldn’t be here either.”

He took a step toward them and Oliver stepped back, forcing Felicity to do the same.

“Where is she?  Where the hell did you take her?”

“Thea’s with Quentin and Dinah, Dad, she’s fine.  Oliver and I are going to pick her up this afternoon,” she explained.

Malcolm’s words slurred, “I want to see her.”

“O – okay, Dad.  Okay.  Tomorrow, all right?  I’ll bring her by after school tomorrow.”

He shook his head as if to clear it and Felicity’s eyes fell to the gun in his hand.  It hung loosely at his side but she watched his fingers flex around it.  To her right, Moira and Robert sat stiffly on the sofa.  If she knew Robert, she knew that he was itching to do something, to take action, but Moira’s hand wrapped around his kept him anchored.

“You need to go now,” she said carefully, focusing her attention back to her father, “Leave Robert and Moira alone, Dad.  Please.”

It was clearly the wrong thing to say as her father scoffed in annoyance, his hand tightening on his weapon.

“And why the hell should I go?  Maybe if I stay, I’ll actually get to see my damn granddaughter.  They spend more time with her than I do.”

Oliver reached behind him, finding her hip and squeezing gently, urging her to step away.  Urging her to move out of the line of fire.

“Malcolm, let Felicity and I drive you home.  We can just forget about all of this and you can see Thea tomorrow.”

Terror shot down her spine as she watched her father swing the rifle up, the barrel aimed right at Oliver’s chest.  She knew she’d made some sort of panicked sound, probably similar to the one that had come from Moira, but neither her father nor her husband acknowledged it.

Her voice trembled as she spoke to her dad again.

“Please, please stop this.  D – dad, Oliver hasn’t done anything.  Just put the gun down.”

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, a huge thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this and to everyone who has dropped a comment / review. You’re kind words are so greatly appreciated! Also, who thank you once again to my beta, westernbeauty!

**Chapter Twenty**

The moment was over before she could really process what was happening.  One moment her father stood in front of Oliver, the barrel of his shotgun aimed at her husband’s chest, and the next he was on the ground in a heap, both hands braced over his face.  She hadn’t witnessed Oliver disarm Malcolm or noticed when he’d slammed the butt of the rifle into his forehead.  At least, she thought, if she had, she couldn’t remember it.

“Oliver.”

His gaze flicked in her direction, his hands steady as he held the weapon aloft, aimed toward the man at his feet.  She could read the tension in his body and in his stony expression.  She pressed her palm gently against his back, applying a slight pressure just between his shoulder blades.  His dark eyes had her breath catching in her throat and she knew that he wasn’t quite with her in that moment.  Her heart ached at the realization.  She didn’t know the details of what had happened to him when he’d been deployed but the vacant look in his eyes told her enough.

“Hey, honey, it’s okay,” she soothed, stepping closer and resting her chin against his arm, “We’re okay.  Please put the gun down.  Please.”

He stared at her for a long, tense moment before dropping his stance, the rifle falling to his side.  He wrapped his free arm around her waist and drew her into him, his nose skimming along her hairline.  She felt him relax against her.

“Dad, call the police.”

Felicity jerked in his arms, surprised by the rough command, and looked up at him.  Oliver’s eyes had fallen to her father yet again.

“Oliver, son, there’s no need to involve the police,” Robert hedged, “We’ll take Malcolm home.”

Oliver acknowledged his father’s suggestion with a scowl.

“No.  No more.  I’m done standing by and watching him treat my wife like shit.  Why the hell should he get away with what he’s done?  H He _hits_ her.  He walks all over her.  He tears her down every chance he gets.  And he’s so damn drunk most days that he doesn’t even know his own name.  He comes here and he threatens our family and you want to just let him leave?  Call the fucking cops or I will.”

There was a brief moment when Felicity thought Robert would try another tactic to sway Oliver’s decision but he shook his head before taking Moira’s hand and leading her from the room.  When they were gone, leaving Felicity alone with her husband and her father, she found herself leaning into him.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?”

His question was spoken softly against the shell of her ear and she nodded numbly.

“I’m – I’m fine,” she whispered, unable to hide the way her voice shook, “I just…”

“What is it, Felicity?”

The tears hit her hard, a sob escaping her and taking her by surprise.  She buried her face against Oliver’s chest.

“I just want this to be over,” she muttered, “I’m so tired, Oliver.”

Robert returned then, letting them know that the police were on the way, and Oliver turned and handed his father the shotgun.

“Don’t let him move,” he instructed harshly before leading her out into the foyer.

Oliver led her over to the padded bench near the front door, urging her to sit before dropping to a crouch in front of her.  He cradled both of her hands in his, holding them in her lap.

“Tell me what you want to do here, Felicity.  How do you want to handle this?  Because if I had it my way, they’d be carrying your father out of here in a body bag.  But it’s up to you.  What do you want to do?”

She shook her head, freeing a hand to wipe at the tears sliding down her cheeks.

“I don’t … I don’t know, Oliver.  He’s my dad.  No matter what he’s done, I – I don’t want to hurt him.  What should I do?”

Oliver sighed and moved until he was sitting beside her. 

“The police are already on the way.  They’ll take him in for a domestic disturbance, most likely, but you can report him for assault.  We can talk to Digg, see what he thinks.  And I know that this isn’t going to do anything to make the relationship that you have with your dad any better but it sure as hell can’t make it any worse.  He needs help, baby.  Maybe this is the best thing for him.”

Flashing red and blue lights spilled through the heavy panes of glass in the Queen’s front door, casting the entryway in an unnatural hue.  Felicity stiffened, her wet eyes moving to the door, and Oliver squeezed her hands.

“I won’t push you, Felicity.  It’s up to you to decide.  Tell Digg whatever you want to tell him.”

She nodded.  When he stood to answer the door, she had to fight the urge to reach for him again.  She was strong.  She’d stood on her own for a long time in his absence.  She had been running Verdant for years, taking care of Thea and herself, taking care of their home, all of it without him there beside her.  He’d been in her heart, certainly, but in his absence she’d been a single parent and the sole proprietor of their business.  She had two feet to stand on and steel in her spine.

“John.”

“Oliver, man, it’s been a long time.”

She watched as the two men shook hands, realizing that this was the first time in the weeks that Oliver had been home that he’d seen his old friend.  Too bad their reunion couldn’t have happened under different circumstances.

“Thanks for getting here so quickly.  Malcolm is in here.”

Oliver stepped into the living with John’s partner, a young man with dark eyes half hidden beneath a baseball hat, and John came over to sit beside her.

“How you doing, Felicity?  You want to tell me what happened?”

She sighed heavily, a hollow laugh bubbling out of her.

“Where do I even start?”

John set a heavy hand on her knee.

“How about you start with what happened today, okay?  We can talk about the rest of it later.”

A fresh flood of tears stung her eyes as she turned to look at her friend.

“You – you know, don’t you?  About my dad?”

It was John’s turn to sigh.

“Felicity, I’ve been doing this for a long time.  I’m not blind.  And Lyla’s not either.  We know you well enough to know when you’re trying to hide the bruises under makeup or the sleeves of a shirt.  But you never said anything, never made a fuss about it.  And no one ever saw him hit you.  You should’ve come to me.  You should’ve let me help you.”

She shook her head, sending tears cascading down her cheeks.

“I didn’t know how.  I – I’ve lived with his temper for a long time.  When I was a kid, it was mostly just yelling.  He … he shoved me once.  But he never really hit me until after Mom died.  Even then, it was only when Tommy and Oliver were overseas.  He wouldn’t dare to hit me when either of them was around.”

John huffed and squeezed her hand.

“He knew better.  Your brother and Oliver would’ve ripped him limb from limb.”

 She laughed tearfully, “Yeah… yeah they would’ve.  Oliver wanted to just now, trust me.”

“What about you, ‘Lis?  What do you want to do?” John asked her.

She swallowed hard, her gaze flicking to where she could see her father being hauled off of the floor by her husband and John’s partner. 

“I want to press charges.  He – he needs to understand that I’m not going to be his punching bag anymore.  He needs help.”

John nodded, squeezing her hand one last time, and got to his feet.  She stood on shaky legs, wrapping her arms around her middle as a chill washed over her.  Her feet wouldn’t move as she watched John put handcuffs on her father.  His dark eyes bore into her through the entire ordeal and it took every ounce of strength that she had left to keep from breaking.  The disappointment and disgust in his expression left her feeling raw even as he was escorted outside.  Robert followed John’s partner out into the cold as he led her father away, leaving her just inside the door with John, Oliver and Moira.

“Everything is going to be alright, Felicity,” John assured her.

Not trusting her voice, Felicity gave him a stiff nod before turning and fleeing the room.

When she sank down onto the floor in Oliver’s childhood bedroom moments later, she couldn’t have told anyone exactly how she’d gotten there.  She was trembling, tremors shaking her entire body where she was pressed against the wall.  She drew her knees to her chest and rested her head there. 

“Felicity.”

She felt him slide down the wall beside her seconds before his arms were around her, drawing her into him.  She went willingly.

“I did the right thing.  He needs this.  I did the right thing.”

The words left her in an urgent whisper.  She needed to hear him say it.  She needed someone to reassure her, to take away the guilt that was trying in vain to smother her.  She needed to hear it from Oliver because there was no one else that she would believe in that moment. 

“Of course you did, baby.  Malcolm needs to face the consequences of his actions.  He’s gotten away with hurting you for far too long.  John wasn’t wrong.  Everything will be okay, Felicity.”

Another tremor raced along her spine, wracking her frame where she was glued to Oliver’s side.  The arm he had around her tugged her impossibly closer.

“What am I going to tell Thea?”

Oliver sighed, his lips ghosting her temple.

“The truth.  She was there the first night he showed up here.  She knows that he hit you then.  So we tell her the truth.  Maybe not all of it.  But there’s no reason to lie to her.  We tell her that Malcolm has been arrested.  That he threatened you.  That he threatened all of us.  And we tell her that, no matter what happens, she’s safe with us.  That he’ll never hurt you or her again,” he told her, his voice strong and sure, “And _you_ won’t have to tell her anything.  Not alone.  I’m here now.  I know … I know that you’ve been on your own for a long time with her, baby, but not anymore.  I’m here and we’ll tell her everything together.”

She let a few tears slip from her eyes before shoving them aside and getting up off of the hard floor.  Oliver followed, one hand still wrapped around hers, and he drew her into his arms for a long moment, tucking her beneath his chin.

“I love you, Felicity.”

“I love you, too.”

She clung to him, her fingers fisted in the sweatshirt she wore as she pressed her face to his shoulder.  Tendrils of exhaustion twisted around inside of her, leaving her limbs heavy, and Felicity struggled to fight them off.  She was just so tired.  Tired of living in fear of her father, tired of being put through the emotional wringer.  She wanted to relax, to close her eyes and find comfort in her husband’s strength supporting her.  And if she could find sanctuary on the floor of Oliver’s childhood bedroom then so be it.

“We still have to go get Thea,” Oliver reminded her gently, his fingers carding through her hair rhythmically.

She sighed, “I know.”

“Are you alright?  If you need to stay here –“

“No, it’s okay.  I – I’m as okay as I’m going to be, I think.  Besides, it may be better if I go.  I’m sure Thea told Quentin and Dinah that you’re back.  They… They’ll have questions.”

“I’ll go with you,” he told her, “We can answer whatever questions that they have together.”

Felicity bit her lip and huddled closer to her husband.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want him with her.  If she had her way, she would never be separated from him again, but her emotions were swirling too rapidly for her to stop them and there was a tiny part of her that was desperate for just a moment’s peace.  She needed a reprieve from any and all emotional stimuli, Oliver included.

“I … I think maybe I should go alone.”

She found herself holding her breath as she waited for him to reply.  If he pushed back, if he insisted on going with her, she knew that she would cave.  She didn’t have the strength left for a fight.

“You’re sure?” he asked eventually with a gentleness that tugged at her heart.

Fresh tears brimmed in her eyes at the understanding in his voice.  She nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“You’re – you’re not mad?”

Oliver sighed and drew her closer, his lips grazing her temple again.

“I’m not mad, Felicity.  If this is what you think is best, if this is what you need –“

“It is.  I – I just need a little time.  My dad, god, he’s got my head so messed up, Oliver.  I need a break from all of this, from everything.  I need ten minutes to myself where I don’t have to think about anything or anyone,” she breathed, “Does that make sense?”

He shifted beside her until his torso was angled in a way that allowed him to look down at her.  He brushed loose tendrils of hair from her face, tucking them behind her ear.

“Perfect sense.”

When his forehead touched hers, her eyes slipped closed and she lifted one hand to his face.  Her fingers danced across the scruff that dusted his jaw.

“I don’t know how I’d do this without you,” she whispered.

“You’re the strongest person that I know, Felicity.  You’ve done so much on your own the last five years, you can do anything.  But I promise you, you won’t ever have to face any of this by yourself again.  I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

And she knew that it was true, that Oliver had no intention to leave them again.  Her husband had come home to her, no matter what condition he’d returned in, he was home and he wasn’t leaving them.

_Felicity collapsed into the booth across from her brother with a heavy sigh.  Tommy raised a brow at her obvious frustration and watched with barely concealed amusement as she snatched his soda up and finished off the glass._

_“Hi, Sis.  Nice to see you.  How was your trip?”_

_She groaned, “Terrible!  My train was delayed at least three times on the way here.  I didn’t get any of my schoolwork done because my tablet died and I committed a cardinal sin and left my damn charger in my room.  I tried to nap and that didn’t work out because the little old lady in the seat beside me felt the need to tell me her entire life story.”_

_She didn’t tell him about the phone call with her father that had left her in tears.  She didn’t tell him about the shouting and the threats.  She didn’t tell him that the apartment that he shared with Oliver in Havenrock was the only place she felt safe.  She would tell him later._

_Tommy chuckled, shaking his head at her, just as Oliver appeared beside the table.  He slid into the booth beside Felicity._

_He grinned at her, his blue eyes brighter than normal somehow even in the fluorescent lights of Big Belly Burger, and heat stained her cheeks.  She ducked her head and took another pull at the straw in Tommy’s cup.  She cringed when she realized it was empty.  So much for her planned diversion._

_Oliver’s hand landed on her knee beneath the table, drawing her attention back to him, and she blinked up at him from behind her glasses._

_“Hi.”_

_“H – hi.”_

_It wasn’t her first trip to Havenrock by any means but it was the first time she’d visited them since she and Oliver had spent the night together out by the lighthouse back home.  They’d taken a significant step forward in their relationship that night and Felicity hoped that they’d have some time to relive some of the more memorable moments._

_She glanced surreptitiously at his hand before her gaze flickered to Tommy on the other side of the table.  The knowing smirk tugging at his lips had another wave of warmth rushing to her face.  Oliver leaned into her and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth.  Felicity couldn’t decide whether to be pleased or embarrassed._

_The moment, however, passed quickly and before she could really appreciate the fact that Oliver had just kissed her – in front of Tommy, no less – they’d moved on to other things._

_“Have you ordered yet?” he asked her brother, “I’m fucking starving.”_

_Tommy shook his head, “I’ve been here all of five minutes, man.  And ‘Lis got here about thirty seconds before you did.”_

_Oliver’s hand moved from her knee as he draped his arm along the back of their booth and she found herself closing the distance between them.  She situated herself against his side while Oliver and Tommy started bickering about something work related that she didn’t feel the need to follow.  Instead, her mind wandered to everything that had changed between them in the last couple of months.  And not just between her and Oliver but between the three of them as a whole.  The dynamic had changed but only slightly.  From what she’d seen, the shift in Tommy and Oliver’s friendship was so insignificant that anyone who hadn’t known them both since birth wouldn’t have noticed it.  Where before Oliver and Tommy often joined together to tease her like older brothers did, the teasing mostly came from Tommy now and it was generally aimed at she and Oliver as a couple.  He liked to harp on them about their PDA which, in Felicity’s opinion was ridiculously minimal, and had jokingly threatened Oliver on more than one occasion for ‘sexing up’ his baby sister in his presence.  But other than some good natured ribbing, her brother seemed to take the shift in her and Oliver’s relationship in stride._

_“Felicity?”_

_Her head snapped up at the sound of her name and she glanced at Oliver who was watching her expectantly, a bemused grin pulling at his lips.  Their waitress looked less than impressed by her inattention and she gave her an apologetic smile._

_“I’ll have a chocolate shake, a Belly Buster with extra pickles, and fries.  Please.”_

_The young girl – who couldn’t have been any older than Felicity really – jotted her order down and moved on to the next table.  The minute she’d vacated, Tommy hurried from the booth._

_“I’ve gotta call Laurel real quick,” he called to them as he headed for the door._

_She smiled up at Oliver._

_“Hi again.”_

_He chuckled, one hand coming up to brush back the hair that had come loose from her ponytail._

_“Hi there.”_

_“I’ve missed you.”_

_“I’ve missed you, too, sweetheart.”_

_Her heart somersaulted a little at the pet name.  She would’ve been lying to herself if she said she didn’t adore the endearments he used for her.  It was always something new.  Sweetheart, love, dear, baby.  No matter which one he used, they never failed to make her pulse race._

_Oliver dropped his forehead to hers, his nose sliding against hers, and her eyes fluttered closed._

_“I can’t wait to be alone with you,” she murmured._

_He groaned, “Fuck, I don’t even know when that’s going to happen.  Your brother keeps coming up with all of these ‘_ plans _’ for the three of us.  He’s already hijacked every hour of the day tomorrow.”_

_She giggled at Oliver’s indignation, both hands finding their way to his face, cupping his smooth jaw._

_“He’s cockblocking us,” she confirmed._

_Oliver made a noise somewhere between amusement and distress and her smile only grew._

_“I fucking hate him.”_

_Felicity laughed and kissed him softly._

_“He has to go into work Sunday morning, right? Just think, we’ll have the apartment all to ourselves.  I bought this –“_

_“Dear god, ‘Lis, whatever you do, do not finish that sentence.”_

_She jerked away from Oliver, startled by Tommy’s disgruntled tone, but she didn’t get far.  Oliver’s arm around her shoulders kept her close.  She was sure that she was blushing as her brother claimed his seat across from them._

_“Why did we think living together was a good idea?  Oh yeah, that’s right, you weren’t having eye-sex with my baby sister when we moved in together,” Tommy grumbled._

_Oliver opened his mouth – to say what she couldn’t really be sure – and Felicity slapped her hand over it, cutting him off._

_“Don’t,” she warned sharply, glaring first at Oliver and then turning to her brother, “You either.  And don’t think that I’m going to let you commandeer all of my time and keep Oliver and I from being alone together.  I came here to see you both because I love you both but Oliver is my boyfriend, Tommy.  And that means that I want to be alone with him.  Even if it’s only for a few hours.”_

_Tommy rolled his eyes._

_“Yeah, yeah, I know.  I was just trying to spare myself from being traumatized, okay?”_

_Felicity scoffed, “Oh please.  You don’t think you’ve traumatized me?  You and Laurel?  You do remember that time in the hot tub when –“_

_“Ah, right, okay.  Enough said.  Point taken.  I will… find a way to make myself scarce for a little while tomorrow.  Give you love birds your privacy.  And yes, by the way, I do have to go into work on Sunday morning so there’s that.”_

_It was fortunate that their food arrived just then and Felicity was grateful that all talk of weekend plans disappeared.  Tommy and Oliver switched to regaling her with stories of their friends on the base, mostly guys they’d gone through basic training with, and the familiar banter put her at ease.  She was with her two favorite people in the world, in a city that she was learning to love, and for the first time all day, she was able to push all thought of her father aside.  She wouldn’t let him ruin her time with them.  She wouldn’t let his anger spoil what was supposed to be a relaxing weekend free of school and work and drama.  Felicity was tired of letting her father control her life.  She had steel in her backbone and she was learning how to display it._


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can’t believe we only have five more chapters left of this fic. It’s been such a fun journey and I’m so thankful that I’ve been able to share it with you. You all are so wonderful and have been so kind. Thank you so much for sticking with me! Also, to my beta westernbeauty, I couldn’t do it without you!

**Chapter Twenty-One**

_Thea clung to her, her tiny arms wound tightly around Felicity’s neck, her little legs locked around her waist.  And Felicity didn’t bother trying to move her.  She led Mr. Steele into the kitchen and sat across from him with her niece in her lap._

_“Mrs. Queen, I am so very sorry for you loss.  I only had the privilege of meeting your brother on two occasions but he was a good man,” the lawyer said kindly, “He and Mrs. Merlyn were adamant that, in the event that something were to happen to them, you would become the guardian of Thea.”_

_Felicity nodded, “That’s correct.  Is there – is there something wrong with the paperwork?  You’re not here to take her from me?”_

_“No, dear, not at all.  Everything is fine.  I just have some forms that I’ll need you to sign.  There is one matter of concern, however, that we need to discuss.”_

_She clutched the sleeping child in her arms tighter, refusing for a moment to let her go._

_“Oh?”_

_Mr. Steele drew a folder from his briefcase and slid it across the table to her._

_“At the time that Thomas and Laurel’s will was drawn up, you were not yet married.”_

_“Oliver and I were married just before Laurel’s accident.  I guess I … I guess I didn’t realize that Tommy hadn’t changed anything since then.  We never – we never talked about it.”_

_Thea shifted against her.  For the last three days she hadn’t left Felicity’s side.  After the funeral, Thea had spent every waking moment with her.  She’d found herself curled around her niece in her single bed each night since, comforting her as she’d cried herself to sleep, begging for her daddy to come home.  And each tear broke Felicity’s heart.  She wished that Oliver was there with them because while she would always be there to comfort Thea, she needed her husband there to comfort her._

_“I understand that your husband is still serving overseas?”_

_She nodded, “He is.  He – he couldn’t make it home for the funeral.  They’re imbedded over there somewhere and I … I haven’t heard from him since he called to tell me about Tommy.”_

_Mr. Steele nodded, reaching for the folder he’d passed her and flipping it open._

_“This is a petition for adoption.  You are the sole legal guardian of Thea Dinah Merlyn at this time.  If you and your husband decide that he would like to adopt her, I’d encourage you to begin the process when he returns.  Everything that you’ll need is in this folder.  I’d be happy to help you through the process, just have Mr. Queen sign everything and return the documents to me at your convenience.”_

_Felicity nodded numbly, her eyes scanning the documents without really seeing them._

_“I certainly hope your husband returns safely, Mrs. Queen.”_

_“Thank you, Mr. Steele.  So do I.”_

Felicity pulled into the Lance’s driveway and wiped at the dried tears that stained her cheeks.

She’d driven the nearly sixty miles to Laurel’s parents’ house blindly.  If someone had asked, she couldn’t have told them which path she’d taken or what the traffic had been like.  The entire drive was a blur.

Her mind was still racing as she tried to process everything that had taken place that morning.  From waking up in Oliver’s arms to breakfast with Sara and Nyssa to the violent encounter with her father only an hour earlier.  As overwhelmed as she was, Felicity couldn’t shake the relief that had settled in her bones.  John and Oliver had assured her that everything would be okay and she was beginning to believe them.  Malcolm had been taken into custody.  With any luck, he would be held until he was sentenced and they wouldn’t have to worry about any kind of retaliation.  She had no doubt that when her father sobered up and realized exactly what he’d done and how she had reacted that he would be furious.  He’d feel like she turned her back on him, like she chose Oliver and his family over him.  She had and she didn’t regret it for a second.

With one last glance at her reflection, Felicity exited the truck and hurried to the front door. 

“Aunt Felicity!”

Thea’s excited voice carried from the back of the house as Quentin Lance opened the door for her.  She smiled up at Thea’s grandfather, stepping into the warmth of the house and letting him pull her into a tight hug.

“How you doin’, kiddo?”

She sighed, “I take it Thea told you all about Oliver being home?”

Quentin stepped back and held her at arm’s length, eyeing her with obvious concern.  He looked at her the way a father looked at his child when he knew that they were struggling, like he was waiting for the floodgates to open and for all of her fears to come tumbling out.  She worried her lip between her teeth to stop that from happening.

“Thea didn’t have to tell us.  Sara did.”

A blur of dark hair suddenly appeared and skinny arms wound their way around her waist as Thea squeezed her tightly.

“Hey, babe, did you have fun with Nana and Pop?”

Thea nodded and grabbed her hand, leading her down a hall that led to the kitchen.

“Yes!  We went to the movies yesterday and Pop helped me build a snowman and Nana and I made cookies!  You’ve gotta try one, Aunt Felicity, they’re soooo good.”

Felicity laughed, letting herself be dragged through the house, knowing that Quentin was right behind them.  She took a seat beside Thea at the kitchen island as Dinah Lance set a plate of chocolate chip cookies in front of her.

“Hello, sweetheart, how are you?”

Dinah’s smile was warm and familiar and the concern that Felicity heard in her words rang true.  Tears blurred her vision suddenly and she blinked them away.

“I’m – I’m good,” she choked out, taking a large bite of cookie to buy herself a minute.

She chewed slowly, eyes on her plate, as she gathered her thoughts and decided on what exactly she was prepared to say.

“How much has Sara told you?” she asked eventually, taking a sip from Thea’s milk glass.

Quentin shifted to stand beside his wife, his arm going around her.

“Oliver … Oliver has selective amnesia.  He suffered a pretty serious head injury a few months back and there are bits and pieces of his life that he can’t remember.  He do –doesn’t know who I am.  Well, I mean, he didn’t know me.  When he first came home.  He had no idea who I was.  He remembered his parents and Tommy and even Thea but he … he had no memory of me.”

Quentin looked at her expectantly.

“And now?” he urged.

She shrugged, “And now he… he _knows_ me but he doesn’t actually remember.  He only knows because I’ve told him.  He still has no memory of our life together.”

Dinah reached for her hand, squeezing it gently.

“Felicity, I can’t imagine –“

“I’m okay.  _We’re_ okay.  It’s bizarre, I know, the whole thing is just a … it’s a mess,” she confessed, “But Oliver just wants things to go back to how they were.  Which is what I want, too, obviously.  So we’re… we’re trying to live as normally as possible and we’re hoping that something comes along to jog his memory.”

She turned to Thea and ruffled her hair.

“You ready to head home?  You’ve got school in the morning so we should get going.”

She nodded and swallowed a mouthful of cookie.

“Yep.  I’ll go get my stuff.”

Thea hopped off of her barstool and hurried out of the kitchen.

“How is she doing with everything?” Quentin asked, nodding in the direction that Thea’d run off in, “With Oliver being back in the picture?”

Felicity shrugged, “He was never really out of it, Quentin.  Yes, he was deployed and wasn’t home with us regularly but Thea loves him.  He’s the only father she has left in her life.  She’s thrilled that he’s home with us.”

Quentin looked as if he wanted to contradict her but Dinah cut him off.

“What are the chances that he recovers from his amnesia?” she questioned, “Will he ever regain his memories, Felicity?”

She sighed, “There’s no way to know for sure.  We’ve gotten conflicting opinions.  It’s … it’s such a tricky diagnosis that no one can give us a straight answer.  But honestly, it doesn’t matter either way.  We’re happy together.  We’re a family.  We won’t let this tear us apart.”

Thea chose that moment to come bounding back into the kitchen, her backpack slung over one shoulder, and all conversation about Oliver’s condition fell away.  Felicity slid off of her stool.

“Say goodbye, sweets.”

Thea gave each of her grandparents a hug before leading the way to the front door.  As she tugged on her coat and shoes, Felicity accepted hugs from both Dinah and Quentin.

“Take care of her, Felicity,” Quentin urged, “And don’t forget to take care of yourself.”

She nodded, her throat too constricted to speak, and relieved Thea of her bag.  Their hands fit together snugly and Felicity smiled down at her niece as she walked her to the truck.

“Where’s Uncle Ollie?” Thea asked when they’d started the trip back home.

Felicity met her eyes in the rearview mirror.  She couldn’t miss the anxiousness on Thea’s face and the sight of it concerned her.  She understood why Laurel’s parents would be worried.  Thea was their only grandchild and rather than being left in their care, she’d been left with her then twenty-three year old aunt.  And now she was dealing with a wildly unconventional situation involving amnesia and – more than likely – PTSD. 

She forced a smile.

“He’s with Gramma and Grandpa,” she explained, “But we’re going to stop and pick him up on our way home.”

“Okay.”

Thea looked away, finding something outside of her window to focus on, and Felicity sighed quietly.  She gripped the steering wheel just a little tighter.

“Hey, Thea, what’s wrong?”

She shrugged, “Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing.  I can tell when something’s bothering you, babe.  It’s okay.  You know you can talk to me about anything.  What’s going on?”

Thea shrugged again and hesitated.  Eventually though, she found Felicity’s eyes in the mirror.

“Why didn’t Uncle Ollie come with you?”

“He just had some stuff to do with Gramma Moira, that’s all.”

It wasn’t the right time to tell her about Malcolm.  Oliver had assured her that he would stand by her, that they’d tell Thea together, and she was looking forward to that.  Not, of course, having to tell Thea that her grandfather had attacked them but to actually having Oliver with her when she did.  She’d been the bearer of really awful news to her niece over the years so it would certainly be a nice change of pace not to have to face that burden alone anymore.  It certainly made her more comfortable knowing that Thea would have both of them to lean on.

“So you’re not fighting?”

“No, honey, we’re not fighting.  Thea… Uncle Oliver and I aren’t always together.  But that doesn’t mean that we’re fighting or that something’s wrong.”

Thea nodded but Felicity could see uncertainty in her eyes.

“Listen to me, sweet girl.  Uncle Oliver isn’t going anywhere.  He’s not going back to the Army and he isn’t going to live with Gramma and Grandpa.  He’s going to stay with us no matter what.  Because the three of us?  We’re family.  Okay?”

Thea’s lip quivered slightly and if she hadn’t been traveling at a steady speed down the interstate, Felicity would’ve pulled over and pulled her into her arms.

“I know it’s hard for you when people leave, no matter the reason, but I promise you, you’re stuck with us, kid.”

Even though she didn’t say anything more, Felicity could sense that some of Thea’s fears had been eased.  By the time they arrived at the Queen manor, she was sound asleep and huddled into her coat.  Leaving the truck running, Felicity hurried out and jogged to the front door.

Crossing the threshold into the foyer, Felicity turned to the family room as she was met with the quiet sounds of the television.  She was more than a little surprised to find Moira napping quietly on the sofa, a cashmere throw wrapped around her.  Oliver slept, too, not quite as comfortably as his mother, where he sat in a chair opposite the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table between them.  She stood motionless for a long moment, her eyes drawn to his relaxed face.  It caught her off guard, the wave of calm that settled around her in his presence.

“They’ve both had a rough day.”

She let out a startled squeak, clapping a hand over her heart as she whirled around to face Oliver’s father.

“Oh my god,” she gasped.

“I’m sorry, Felicity.  I didn’t mean to startle you.  Where’s Thea?”

It took her a second to catch her breath.

“It’s alright.  She’s in the truck.  She fell asleep and I didn’t want to wake her.  Apparently she had a long weekend.”

Robert nodded and for the second time in the span of an hour, she felt like she was being stared down by a concerned parent.

“I’m sure you’re ready to head home,” Robert said gently, “It’s been a very long day for everyone.”

She scoffed, “That’s putting it mildly.”

His hand wrapped around her elbow, the touch surprising her, and she looked up at him.

“Felicity, I just want you to know that you made the right decision today.  I know that I – that I hesitated when Oliver wanted to call the police but he was right.  And you were right to want to press charges for the things that Malcolm has done to you.  I’m sorry that Moira and I didn’t step in when you were younger.  We both suspected and we should’ve done something about it.”

Her chest felt tight and the tears she’d been battling for hours pushed their way to the surface again.  Her voice cracked as she spoke, giving her away.

“Thank you,” she murmured, “Honestly, I don’t know that anyone could have really done anything about it.  Not then, anyway.  But Oliver always did what he could to protect me.  And … and I think my dad may have been afraid of him.”

Robert chuckled, giving her arm a gentle squeeze before releasing her.

“He loves you very much.  He always has, even though he may not have known it.  He’ll never let anything happen to you.  I hope you’ll stick with him, Felicity.  He needs you now more than ever.”

She glanced back at Oliver where he slept on, head back and mouth slightly open.

“I’m not going anywhere.  At least not without him.”

Robert simply nodded and walked away, leaving her to step across the room until she was at Oliver’s side.  She scraped her fingers through his hair, leaning over him and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.  He shifted immediately, coming awake quickly and stretching.

“Hey there,” she whispered, “Are you ready to go home?”

He turned his head, finding her mouth easily.

“Where’s Thea?”

He stood and stretch some more, the hem of his sweatshirt rising just enough to give her a brief glimpse of toned abs.  She shook her head.

“Sleeping in the truck.  She was exhausted.”

Oliver slipped his arm around her waist and they headed toward the front door.  He only released her long enough to slip on his coat.

“How are you?” he asked as they climbed into the truck.

She sighed, shrugging.

“I’m… I’m okay, I think.  Or I will be.”

He reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together.

“I hope you didn’t feel like I was pressuring you earlier, with your dad.”

She shook her head, “Not at all.  It’s okay, Oliver, really.  I was just… overwhelmed with what it all means.  Thinking about what comes next.  It’s a lot.”

Leaning across the console, she kissed him soundly.

“I’m sorry I ran.”

“Baby, if you need time or space, that’s perfectly fine.  Just as long as I know you’re coming back, we’re okay.”

She smiled, “Okay.”

“Ready to go home?”

“Absolutely.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning! It’s awfully early for a post but I’ve got plans today that are going to keep my away from my computer for the majority of the day. The comments and kudos that you’ve all left on this story continue to make my day! As we’re nearing the end of the story, I’m starting to consider adding a handful of ficlets to make up for some missing scenes that people have requested so please, if there’s anything you’d like to see, feel free to leave a suggestion in the comments!

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

_Felicity watched them from the front porch steps.  She couldn’t hear what Thea was saying but her little face was lit up excitedly, her lips moving a mile a minute as Oliver pushed her on the tire swing.  He was grinning, laughing occasionally at their niece’s storytelling, and the picture that they made had anticipation bubbling up in her belly.  Someday it would be their little girl on that swing, their daughter making her husband laugh so freely.  She longed for that day, for the day when she could tell him they were going to be parents, the day they would bring their baby home from the hospital.  She knew that the day would arrive sooner than either of them thought but with their second deployment date looming over them, she knew that it wasn’t the right time._

_“He’s great with her.”_

_Tommy sat on the step beside her, handing her a mug of steaming coffee._

_“He loves her to death,” Felicity agreed, “We both do.  Thea’s an amazing kid, Tommy.  You got really lucky.”_

_Her brother laughed, “Yeah, I did.  You will, too, someday.  You two will have a family of your own, ‘Lis.”_

_She shrugged and Tommy knocked his shoulder against hers._

_“You’ve got that look.”_

_“What look?”_

_“That ‘_ I really want that’ _look.”_

_She snorted and waved her left hand under her brother’s nose, her wedding rings glinting in the afternoon sun._

_“I already have what I want.  I’m not ready to be a mom.  I mean, I’m only twenty-one years old, for god’s sake.”_

_Tommy chuckled, shaking his head._

_“But seriously, ‘Lis, I know that you want kids of your own and you guys will get there someday.  And look at it this way, you’re getting in plenty of practice with Thea.  You’re the closest thing she has to a – a mom and you’re really good at it.  She adores you.”_

_Setting her coffee on the step by her feet, she linked her arm with Tommy’s and rested her head on his shoulder._

_“I miss Laurel, too, you know?  All the time.”_

_Her brother’s head was heavy where it rested on top of hers._

_“Every time I look at that little girl, all I can see is her mom… How did this happen?  How did we lose her, Felicity?”_

_She sighed._

_They had gone to the cemetery that morning to visit Laurel’s grave.  The day marked what would have been her sister-in-law’s twenty-sixth birthday and even though it had been a little more than two years since they’d lost her, missing her hadn’t gotten any easier.  While she knew what it was her brother was feeling, she only shared his grief to some extent.  Because she still had her husband.  Because he was alive and well and healthy.  Watching him out there, laughing and happy and head-over-heels for the little girl that he was currently entertaining, Felicity felt a stab of fear at the prospect of losing him._

_“Tommy?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“Promise me something?”_

_“Anything, sis.”_

_“Make sure he comes back to me, okay?  I need you both to come home.  Whatever it takes.”_

She woke to an empty bed, the room around her still shrouded in darkness, and the place beside her where Oliver had slept was cold.  Knowing without a doubt where she would find him, Felicity found his discarded shirt draped over the footboard and tugged it over her head.  She padded quietly across the room to their en suite bathroom.  She tapped lightly on the door.

“Oliver, baby, can I come in?”

Her request was met with silence and Felicity sighed, pressing her forehead against the closed door.  Taking a steady breath, she turned the knob.

He was exactly where she had expected him to be, his large framed wedged uncomfortably into the tight space between the toilet and the bathtub.  His long legs, clad in the loose athletic shorts he’d slept in, were drawn up to his chest.  His head was back and his eyes closed but she knew for certain that he wasn’t sleeping.  His skin was slick with sweat, his chest heaving.

She hadn’t seen him this way since he’d come home but she wasn’t surprised.  He’d lived through so much trauma, trauma that she couldn’t possibly understand, and his PTSD was bound to return and make its presence known.  She should’ve guessed that the confrontation with her father and having a gun aimed at him had stirred up something inside of him and triggered the nightmare that had chased him from their bed.

She shuffled over to the sink and dampened a washcloth before sitting on the edge of the bathtub.  She ran the cloth across his naked chest.

“Felicity.”

“Shh, I know, Oliver.  It’s alright.  You’re safe.  You’re home.”

He brought one hand up, catching hers and stilling her movements.

“I – I’m sorry, I –“

He rolled his head toward her, blinking groggily as he finally looked at her.  His pupils were nothing more than pinpricks, barely visible in the brilliant blue of his irises, and she could tell he hadn’t quite come back from the nightmare.  She released the washcloth and laced their fingers together.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she whispered, “I’m here, Oliver, I’ll listen.  You can tell me anything.”

He took a stuttering breath and closed his eyes again.  His fingers tightened where their hands lay tangled on his chest. 

“It … it was more memory than dream,” he murmured.

His voice was hollow, disengaged, but the pain was evident in his posture and expression.  It was clear in the way his shoulders shook with every breath that he took.  And it tore her heart to pieces to witness it.

“We were there again, that village.  My – my team and I.  Only… only there were six of us, not five.  Tommy, he –“

Oliver swallowed hard.  Tears pooled in her eyes as she watched his face grow damp, his own tears slipping down his cheeks.

“He followed me through the door.  He – he had my six, just like always.  And when the bomb went off, Tommy and I were thrown together and – and we were buried together.  He talked to me.”

She sniffed and fought to find her voice.

“Yeah?  What’d he say?”

“H – he told me I had to come home.  That I – I needed to come home to you.”

“Oh Oliver.”

He shook his head, drawing in a ragged breath, and pulled Felicity closer.  She went willingly and when he slung his arm around her waist and pressed his face against her thigh, she lifted her free hand to her mouth to muffle a sob.  His body trembled as he cried, as hot tears fell on her naked skin, and Felicity wished desperately that she could take the pain away.  She murmured to him softly, carding her fingers through his hair, soothing him until the tremors stopped and silence settled over them.

“I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and urged his head from her lap.  Their eyes met and she bent to kiss his forehead.

“You never have to apologize to me, Oliver,” she murmured, “Ever.”

They sat together for a long time.  She ignored the cold porcelain of the tub on the backs of her thighs and the crick along her spine from sitting at such an odd angle.  She ignored all of it in favor of offering what comfort she could to her husband.

He’d told her briefly, weeks ago, of the incident in Iraq that had led to his injury.  They’d lost two men in the ambush, his friends, his brothers, and he’d spent god knew how long buried in the rubble.  He would spend the rest of his life with memories of that day festering inside of him, tormenting him.  The nightmares would never leave him, not completely, and she was prepared to stand by him.  She had promised him for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.  She had made those vows and she had every intention of keeping them.  Oliver needed her as much as she needed him.  Memories of their life or no, he was hers and she would stand by him.  Always.

“What time is it?”

Oliver’s question startled her.  She’d fallen asleep with her head against the wall of the shower, Oliver still resting in her lap.  She couldn’t tell by the gravelly quality of his voice if he’d fallen asleep as well or if his throat was sore from crying.

“I – I don’t know.”

He sat up, the warmth of his body leaving her the moment that he did, and she shivered at the cool air in the bathroom.  Oliver stood wearily, his body obviously aching from spending so much time cramped up on the floor, and turned to her.  He reached out to her and, like she had so many times before, Felicity went willingly.

“Aunt Felicity?”

She and Oliver turned together at the sound of Thea’s voice coming from their bedroom.

“Aunt Felicity!”

She sighed and wrenched open the door before her niece could shift to full blown panic.

“Hey, sweets, I’m here.  I’m right here.”

Thea was in her arms before she could even step fully into the room, her little body slamming so forcefully into Felicity’s that she nearly lost her balance.

“I – I couldn’t find you!” Thea exclaimed.

Felicity sighed again.  She could already tell that the day would be long and that Thea had no plans to leave her side.  Between her niece and her husband, she wasn’t sure who would require her attention more.

“Baby girl,” she said softly, “I’m here.  I’m not going to leave you.  I promised, remember?”

Thea’s head moved against her abdomen as she nodded and Felicity cast a glance over her shoulder.  Oliver closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around both her and Thea.  He held them for a long moment before stepping around her and crouching to Thea’s level. 

“Hey, how do you feel about pancakes for breakfast, huh?  Or maybe French toast?  What do you think?”

Thea only peeked at him through the curtain of disheveled brown hair that hid her face.  Oliver reached up and brushed that hair behind her ear, tugging the strands gently.  He grinned at her, a radiant and reassuring grin, and Felicity felt Thea relax in her arms almost immediately.

“French toast.”

Oliver’s eyes flicked to Felicity’s and she found herself smiling down at him.  They were going to be okay.  All three of them.

When he held his hand out to their niece, she flung herself at him, giggling happily.  Oliver lifted her with ease, swinging her around to his back and carrying her from the room.

“I’m just going to get dressed,” she called after them, “I’ll be down in a second.”

Shaking her head, she stepped more fully into the bedroom just as Oliver and Thea disappeared into the hall. 

Cold, winter light filtered in through the curtains.  She could hear the wind whistling, the snow pelting at the windows, and she shivered.

They would stay in, she decided, finding a pair of clean, comfortable sweatpants and one of Oliver’s long-sleeved shirts.  Grabbing her cell from the end table, she called Lyla.

“Felicity?  Is everything okay?” her friend said by way of greeting.

“John told you?” she guessed, “About my dad?”

Lyla sighed, “He did.  Felicity, honey, I’m so sorry.  Are you alright?”

After assuring Lyla that they were all well, Felicity explained why she’d really called.  Having one of her closest friends be the principal of Thea’s school was certainly convenient.

“I’m just going to keep her home for the day,” she told her, “You – you know how she is and after we told her about my dad yesterday… I think it’s best for all of us to just spend a day together, you know?”

“I think that sounds like a great idea, Felicity.”

She dressed quickly while she finished her conversation with Lyla, stepping back into the bathroom to run a brush through her hair.  After texting Iris and Helena to let them know that she wouldn’t be in, she left her phone on the bed and went in search of her two favorite people.

Felicity found them in the kitchen.

“Can I stir, Uncle Oliver?”

“Of course, kiddo.  Bring over a chair, okay?”

She stopped in the doorway and leaned against the frame, watching the two of them move around the room together.  If either of them had sensed her arrival, neither bothered to acknowledge her so she took full advantage of the moment.

Thea drug a chair from the dining room table over to the kitchen counter.  Oliver helped her up, setting a bowl of what Felicity assumed was an egg, cream and vanilla mixture in front of her before handing her a whisk.  Wrapping his large hand around Thea’s small one, Oliver gave the mixture a couple of steady stirs as an example and then he released her.  He went back to the pan on the stovetop, dropping in a dollop of butter and lighting the burner beneath it.

“Do you remember the first time you helped me make French toast?” Oliver asked.

Thea shook her head.

“No.”

Felicity saw Oliver glance in her direction subtly.  So he had sensed her arrival, she thought, smirk tugging her lips. 

“You were five years old,” Oliver told her, “And it was the day after your daddy and I came home from our first work trip.  I couldn’t sleep so I got up really, really early to make breakfast for everybody.  And I was down here all by myself making French toast in the dark.”

A chill raced through her and she straightened, her arms hanging limply at her sides.

“I was standing at the stove and all of a sudden, this little hand is tugging at my pant leg.  I looked down and there you were, cutest little girl I’ve ever seen.  And you just put your hands up.  Your hair was all over the place and you had blankey with you and you held you hands up to me and didn’t say a word.  So I picked you up and let you sit on the kitchen counter, right where you’re stirring, and you watched me make breakfast.”

The lump in her throat made it damn near impossible to breathe.  She hadn’t told Oliver about that morning.  He’d remembered Thea from the beginning but he’d always let her believe that he only really knew of her, that he didn’t have any actual memory of knowing her.  He’d made it seem as if he could only remember what Tommy had told him about their niece. 

“That’s not really helping, Uncle Ollie,” Thea giggled, “I just watched.”

He quietly directed her to dip slices of bread into the mixture, taking them from her and placing them in the buttered pan.

“You know how sometimes you get really scared when you don’t know where people are?  Like Aunt Felicity and me?”

Thea hesitated, her hands stilling where she was soaking a piece of bread, before she nodded.

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, when I came home from our work trip, I had a hard time sleeping.  It – it wasn’t a good trip and bad things happened while we were away.  Your daddy and I saw some really bad stuff when we were there and I had really scary dreams,” Oliver explained, “That morning, I’d had a nightmare and that’s why I was up so early.  I was still pretty scared when I was down here making breakfast.”

“Because you were by yourself?” Thea questioned.

Felicity held her breath as she waited for Oliver to continue.

“Yeah.  I was alone and I couldn’t stop thinking about the nightmare.  But then you were here with me and you were just so curious about what I was doing that it was easy to forget the bad dream that I’d had.  So even though you were too small and too sleepy to really help me make the French toast, you helped me to not be scared anymore.”

Thea didn’t reply for the longest time and while Oliver seemed content to let her soak in his words in the silence of the room, Felicity found it almost unbearable.  Her heart ached to go to them, to both of them, but she forced herself to remain still.

“Are you… are you still scared, Uncle Ollie?”

Oliver paused with the spatula in his hand.

“Sometimes, yeah.  Everyone is scared sometimes, sweetheart.”

“Were you scared yesterday?  With Papa?”

He set the spatula down and turned to her.  He brushed the hair away from her face as she looked up at him.

“I was scared.  I was scared that Papa was going to hurt my mom or my dad.  I was really scared he was going to hurt Aunt Felicity.”

“Oh.”

“Thea, sweetie, it’s okay to be scared sometimes.  But I don’t want you to ever be scared that I’m going to leave you, okay?  Or that Aunt Felicity is going to leave you.  We’re here for you, always.  And – and I want you to know that I will always, always protect you.”

Thea’s fingers were sticky with egg batter but it didn’t stop her from throwing her arms around Oliver’s neck and pressing her face to his chest.  She was nearly Felicity’s height standing on the chair and fit perfectly beneath his chin.

“I love you, Uncle Ollie.”

Oliver kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, too, Speedy.”

She realized the nickname had slipped out without him even realizing it and that the sound of it rolling off of his tongue caught him by surprise.  His eyes found hers, his expression switching fluidly from confusion to concern.  He looked at her questioningly and she only shook her head.  They could talk about it later when Thea didn’t need them.

He’d gotten another memory back and even though this one – like all the others – had nothing to do with her, Felicity couldn’t find it in herself to be upset about it.  In fact, for the first time, she was elated.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. You guys, seriously? The response to the last chapter kind of caught me off guard. It was such a surprise to hear all the wonderful feedback. Post a little bit of angst in an otherwise (somewhat) fluffy chapter and everyone seems to love it, good to know! We’re very quickly nearing the end of this one and I have to say, I’m kind of sad that it’s almost over… Anyhow, thank you again for all of your support and kind words!

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

She sighed happily and curled up on Oliver’s chest.  Her heartbeat drummed roughly against her ribcage.  Her body was pleasurably numb as she pressed a kiss to her husband’s warm skin.

“And that is exactly why I am happy to let your mom watch Thea whenever she wants to.”

Oliver chuckled, the sound rumbling beneath her ear, and trailed his fingers along her spine.

“Probably not the best time to talk about my mother,” he pointed out, “Definitely not if you’re expecting round two to happen any time soon.”

Felicity didn’t think it was possible given the two spectacular orgasms he’d gifted her with but a new wave of pleasure slid over her.  She wasn’t sure exactly when she’d become so insatiable.  She found herself wanting him almost every moment of every day.  If they were in a room together, alone or not, her desire would flare, sending little jolts of electricity skittering along her nerves and causing heat to unfurl in her core.  And her need for him only seemed to intensify with each day that passed.

It had been five weeks since the incident with her father at his parents’ home.  Five weeks since the restraining order had been issued and Malcolm Merlyn had – essentially – been removed from her life. 

And they’d been a blissful five weeks.

Life had finally – _finally_ – gone back to normal.  At least as normal as possible given Oliver’s condition.  His memory hadn’t returned.  The details from their life prior to the incident were still missing.  But she could hardly tell anymore.  In so many ways, it was like nothing had changed.  She knew that he loved her.  She felt it in his touch and saw it reflected back at her every time their eyes met.  They’d been drawn back together, had grown closer with every day that passed, and there had been times in the past month when she’d nearly forgotten that he still hadn’t truly remembered her.  

“You’re thinking awfully loudly, sweetheart.”

Felicity snorted, “That’s usually my line.”

His hand twisted in her hair, tugging gently until she was looking up at him.  She drew idle patterns on his skin, doodling around the scar that marked his torso, and gnawed on her lip.

“What’s going on in there?” he urged.

“I’m… I’m just really happy, Oliver.  With you.  With us.  Just in general, I suppose.”

“Is that bad?”

She shook her head, stretching up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“No, of course not.  I – I think a part of me is just a little concerned that the bubble’s going to burst, you know?  Like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

His fingers continued their trek down her back, the rhythm soothing her.  The strong beat of his heart beneath her ear added to the level of comfort that she had only ever felt in his arms.  Everything had been so easy.  Calm, slow, and blissful.  The biggest argument that they’d had in the last weeks had been over Oliver’s wet towel that consistently seemed to end up on her side of the bed.  And even that disagreement had resolved itself quickly and her husband had been happy to make it up to her in the most pleasurable way possible.  They’d come together so effortlessly in the days following her father’s arrest.  There were times when she truly believed that they could put Oliver’s amnesia aside and move on with their lives.

“Who’s to say that there is another shoe?” he murmured, “Maybe what happened with Malcolm was the last of it.  Maybe the universe has decided that our family has been through enough and that we deserve some peace and quiet.”

Felicity snorted, “Have you met me?  The universe and I haven’t exactly been on the best of terms.  Like, ever.”

Oliver chuckled again, the action jostling her, and she grinned as her lips found a small, puckered scar on his shoulder.

“What time is it?”

He hummed, “Just a little after five.”

“Ugh.  We’re supposed to be at the Diggles’ by six-thirty.  We should probably have saved the… bedroom shenanigans for after John and Lyla’s dinner party.”

Oliver made a noise of disagreement before rolling them over and pinning her to the mattress.  It was impossible to misinterpret his intention with his thick length nestled between her thighs.  His teeth nipped playfully just beneath her ear, his stubble chaffing her skin as he trailed kisses down to the swells of her breasts.

“Oliver.”

It was meant to be a warning but his name was nothing more than a breathy moan as it passed her lips.

“We’ve got time,” he murmured, tugging her pebbled nipple with his teeth.

Felicity gasped and shoved her fingers into his hair.  She knew that she should’ve pushed him away – _they really didn’t have_ that _much time –_ but his mouth was capable of making her feel the most intense, incredible things and while he’d already gifted her with two toe curling orgasms, she absolutely would not be opposed to a third.

When he slipped two fingers into her cleft, seeking out her still-sensitive clit, she cursed and tugged at his hair, guiding his mouth away from her breast.  Their lips met in a bruising kiss, his tongue pushing past to her lips to duel with hers just as his fingers dipped into her tight channel.

“Ol – Oliver!”

She whimpered into his mouth as he set a slow and gentle pace.  The heel of his hand pressed against her clit, applying only the slightest pressure, as his fingers curled inside of her and pushed her higher.  His mouth closed around her nipple, suckling hard, and she grasped a fistful of his hair with one hand while the other fisted the sheets.

“O – Oh god!”

Oliver rolled her nipple between his teeth at the same moment that his calloused fingertips slid over the spongy spot of tissue in her channel, causing fireworks to explode behind her closed eyelids.  Her back arched off of the bed.  Electricity scattered through her body, bursting first in her belly before flooding out into her limbs.  Her breath became stuck in her throat as she came with a noiseless shout.  She was dimly aware of the rush of moisture that coated Oliver’s hand where his fingers continued to move inside of her and of the whispered words that he breathed into her skin, but her brain couldn’t quite process what any of it meant. 

The intensity of her orgasm took her by surprise.  It had come on so quickly and had left her entire body feeling weightless.  She’d thought that the first two times she’d come that evening had been pretty damn amazing but as she lay there, unable to move or speak, Felicity considered skipping the party at the Diggles just to give herself the opportunity to recover.  And maybe see how much more she had in her.

“Felicity?”

She blinked her eyes open to find Oliver leaning over her, his fingers on her face caressing her cheek and brushing back the loose tendrils of her hair.  The soft smile on his lips made her smile and she lifted her hand, slowly and with a lot of effort, to drag her blunt nails through his stubble.

“Oliver.”

He chuckled, “You okay?”

“Yes.”

His mouth found hers, their lips brushing chastely, and she sighed into the kiss.

“We really should get up,” he told her, “I think we’ve got time for a quick shower.”

She hummed, “Okay.  But I think… I think I might need you to carry me.”

Oliver laughed again, a full, deep sound that she felt down to her bones.  It was a sound she had missed in the time that he was away and now that he was at home with her, it was one that she cherished.

The mattress shifted beneath her as Oliver moved.  He reached for her, arms slipping beneath her, one at her back and the other her knees, and lifted her easily.  Her head fell to his shoulder and she nuzzled against his collarbone.  He carried her into their bathroom, an easy silence falling over them.  She had one arm wrapped around his neck, her fingers dragging through the short strands at the back of his head, and his fingers flexed where they gripped her thigh.

“Oliver?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

He set her on her feet in the bathroom and drew her into the circle of his arms.  He tucked her beneath his chin.

“I love you, too, baby.”

She pressed her lips to the hollow of his throat before he stepped away from her.  He leaned in and brought the shower to life.  Steam flooded the room, licking at her skin, and when Oliver turned back to her and offered her his hand, she took it and followed him under the spray.

_“What are we doing here?”_

_She glanced around, eyes skimming the empty park as night quickly descended.  Oliver slid the truck into park and shut off the ignition.  He tossed the keys onto the dash._

_“It’s been a week,” he groused._

_“A week?”_

_“A week, Felicity!  A goddamn week and I can’t take it anymore.”_

_She frowned and shifted around in her seat to get a better look at him.  Deep orange light cast shadows across the interior of the truck and as they lost the sun to the horizon, the air around them cooled quickly.  She tugged the sleeves of her sweatshirt down to cover her fingers._

_“Provide some context here, hon, because I’m confused.”_

_Oliver sighed and scraped his fingers through his hair.  It was beginning to grow out again.  He’d kept it buzzed when he was deployed and when he’d come home, she’d missed being able to tug on the short strands.  It was finally getting longer, back to his normal length, and she was glad.  He and Tommy’d been home for close to two weeks and her husband was beginning to look like the man she’d married again._

_Realization hit her at the same moment that Oliver replied._

_”Oh.”_

_“Tommy.”_

_She sighed again, “Oliver…”_

_“I know that he’s your brother, hell, he’s_ my _brother, but Christ, Felicity, we haven’t been alone in a week,” he growled, one hand coming down on the steering wheel with slightly more force that necessary, “I just – I – we…”_

_She slid closer to him, ever grateful that the stupid truck he insisted on driving had a full bench seat, and place her hand against his stubbled jaw.  Her thumb glided slowly across his bottom lip._

_“We’re alone every night, baby.  Just you and me in our nice, comfy bed.  And yeah, okay, we don’t get a lot of_ alone _time now that Tommy and Thea are living with us full time but we’ll make it work.  They just moved in.  We’re all still adjusting.”_

_He huffed, nipping at her finger as it took another pass along his lip.  He snaked one large, warm hand around her back, calloused fingers wandering beneath the hem of her shirt to dance across naked skin, and pulled her even closer.  He dropped his forehead to hers and closed his eyes.  The familiar warmth of his breath against her cheek chased away the chill of the early spring evening.  She pressed herself further into him._

_“I know that it’s been difficult,” she murmured, her own eyes slipping closed, “But he needs us, Oliver.”_

_“I need_ you, _sweetheart.”_

_She certainly couldn’t argue with the vehemence of his statement.  The fingers beneath her sweatshirt dug into her back, closing the miniscule distance between them just a second before his lips slanted over hers.  She could feel his desire spilling out of him as urged her back to lay across the seat, his body blanketing her as he followed her down.  The hand at her back glided around her side, dancing across her ribcage until he was palming the soft weight of her breast.  She arched into his touch, whimpering against his lips.  Her own hands wandered across the width of his shoulders, her nails scraping gently at the exposed skin she found at his collar, making him groan._

_The sudden rap of knuckles on the window startled them both, Felicity so much so that she smacked her head sharply against her door._

_“Really you two?  What the hell?”_

_She groaned and covered her face with her hands._

_“Oh god,” she moaned, “He’s going to kill me.”_

_Oliver chuckled, sitting up and pulling her with him.  He tugged her sweatshirt down gently, making sure there wasn’t a single inch of her exposed, before rolling his window down for John.  Their friend scowled, the reproving look making Felicity shrink back into the soft leather seat._

_“Hey, John.”_

_Diggle scoffed, “Seriously, Oliver?  You trying to get arrested?”_

_It was Oliver’s turn to scoff.  He shook his head and Felicity could see the cocky grin plastered on his face._

_“Are you really here to arrest us?” he asked, “You obviously ran the plates, not that you really had to.  I’m sure you figured out what we were doing before you got out of your car.”_

_John dropped his head, his chin falling to his chest, and she watched his shoulders move as he took a deep breath.  She squeezed Oliver’s hand where it was clasped in both of hers and glared at him._

_“Damn it, Oliver, I had to check.  Someone called in a complaint and  -“_

_Felicity snorted, the sound escaping her unbidden, and she slapped a hand over her mouth.  John and Oliver both glanced at her, clearly amused._

_“A complaint?” she asked, “Really?”_

_John shook his head ruefully and she could see that he was trying to stifle his laughter.  He took off his hat and skimmed a hand over his head._

_“Look, as you were quick to point out, your vehicle is recognizable and you’ve got some nosey ass neighbors around this park.  If you want to keep people talking, by all means, I’ll leave you to it.  But just know that when Mrs. Preston called Carrie to report a ‘suspicious vehicle’ in the park after hours, she was quick to point out that she knew the owners of said vehicle.”_

_Felicity groaned again, heat rushing to her cheeks as she pressed her face to Oliver’s shoulder._

_“Jesus.”_

_“As far as I know, you two have a perfectly nice house where you can … do whatever it is you came out here to do, correct?”_

_Her husband practically growled his reply and she found herself giggling at his obviously irritation._

_“Tommy’s at the house with Thea… he’s_ always _at the house with Thea.”_

_John chuckled, “Man, I get it.  And I feel for you.  But next time, try a hotel, not the local playground.”_

Oliver’s hand was cold where it was tucked in hers.  The sun had vanished before they’d even left for the Diggles’ and now, three hours later, frigid winter air filled the cab of the truck.  Dinner had been a rowdy affair with a dozen of their friends and half a dozen bottles of liquor being passed around.  She’d enjoyed herself, sipping a glass of red wine while her eyes followed her husband around the room.  He’d seemed at ease, talking with everyone, laughing, enjoying himself, but she’d noticed the discomfort he carried in his shoulders.  It had been forced, the relaxed attitude that he’d let everyone else see, and she’d seen right through it.  He’d been out of his element, surrounded by people who thought that they knew him, people who thought that they understood him. 

“Hey.”

“Hmm?”

“Everything alright?”

Oliver lifted their joined hands, pressing his lips to her fingers.

“Everything’s great.”

She studied his profile as he drove.  He’d been quiet since they’d said goodbye to John and Lyla, withdrawn and introspective, and she wondered if she’d pushed too hard by asking him to go to the dinner party.

“Thank you.  For tonight.  I … did you have fun?”

He glanced at her, “Of course I did.  Why are you thanking me?”

She shrugged, “I know you didn’t want to go, Oliver.  It was my idea and you – you stuck it out for me.  I just want you to know that I appreciate it.”

They rolled to a stop at the only traffic light in Star City.  He glanced over his shoulder quickly before throwing the truck into park and turning to face her.

“I honestly had a good time tonight.  Were there moments that I felt out of place?  Absolutely.  But I’ve never been the most social personal, you know that.  Please don’t feel like you forced me to do something I didn’t want to do.  John and Lyla are my friends, too.  They invited us, both of us, and I’m glad that they did.  Tonight was fun.”

She nodded, her cheeks aching from the smile plastered to her face, and leaned in for a quick kiss.

“It was fun, wasn’t it?”

He grinned at her and she couldn’t help but return it, relieved to find truth in his words.  She’d been so worried that he was withdrawing into himself, that the night had overwhelmed him.  She was pleased to learn that she’d been worried for nothing.

Their light turned green and Oliver eased the transmission into drive, the truck rolling forward into the intersection.

“So I was thinking, spring break is coming up, maybe we could take Thea somewhere fun.  She’s never really been anywhere… I was thinking Disney maybe?  What do you think?”

He squeezed her hand, “Sounds like a great idea, babe.  She’ll love it.”

Felicity nodded and leaned into him, her head falling to his shoulder as her plans for their vacation began taking shape in her mind.  Through the windshield, she could see the headlights of another vehicle coming toward them.  She lifted her hand to shield her eyes.

“Okay, really,” she grumbled, “Someone needs to turn his brights off.”

Oliver flashed the headlights at the oncoming car to no avail. She noticed too late that the other driver had drifted into their lane and that he wasn’t slowing down.

“Oliver, he’s –“

It happened faster than either of them could’ve anticipated.  The sound of scrapping metal reached her ears as the force of the impact propelled her away from Oliver, her seatbelt barely keeping her restrained.  The truck tipped precariously before slamming down hard onto the pavement. Glass shattered somewhere, tiny chunks raining down on them just seconds before both airbags deployed.  Pain lanced through her face suddenly and Oliver’s hand slipping from hers was the last thing that she was aware of before darkness settled over her.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Well, you guys were certainly vocal after the last chapter! So glad that everyone seemed to like it. Hopefully this one is just as well received. Just a heads up, I’m going to go ahead and post a chapter a day for the next couple of days until it’s all done. The final chapter will be up tomorrow with the epilogue posted on Wednesday. Thank you all again for all your continued support.

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

“Miss?  Miss?  Can you hear me?  Can you tell me what happened?”

She came back to herself slowly, blinking away the fog that had washed over her and wincing as pain shot through her chest. 

Felicity was still in the truck, still in her seatbelt as far as she could tell, with shattered glass all around her.  The flashing lights of the emergency vehicles surrounding her filled the cab with an eerie glow and her fear spiked.  She tried to lift her hand to her face, feeling what she assumed was blood dripping from her hairline, only to cry out as the movement amplified her pain.

“Can you tell me your name?”

Her eyes flashed to her left.  A paramedic, someone she thought she should recognize, knelt on the seat beside her, her hands gentle as they examined her.  She realized belatedly that Oliver was no longer with her.

“My husband,” she gasped, the steady, persistent throbbing of her ribs making her stomach roil, “Please, where’s my husband?”

“Your husband is in an ambulance on his way to County, ma’am,” the woman explained, her words an obvious attempt to soothe Felicity’s frayed nerves, “He’s being treated but I need to take care of you right now, alright?  Can you tell me your name?”

“Felicity.  Felicity Queen.”

“Okay, Mrs. Queen, we’re going to get you out of here as soon as we can.  Can you tell me what hurts?”

The paramedic – Hilary, she remembered suddenly.  Her name was Hilary – was doing what she could to distract Felicity from the pain and from her building panic as a team of firefighters moved around on her other side.  They’d pried the passenger’s side door of the truck clean off the frame and she wondered absently why they’d gone to such lengths to make an exit for her.

Without moving, she did her best to take stock of her injuries.  She was fairly certain that her head was bleeding, she could feel something wet smeared across her forehead, and the pain in her chest and side was likely bruised or broken ribs.  She wiggled her toes in her boots, happy to feel them moving, only to gasp as a sharp twinge raced up both of her legs.  She was pinned under the weight of the dashboard.

“I – My … my side and my chest h-hurt.  Ribs,” she breathed, her jaw clenched tight against the pain, “And my – my legs, obviously.”

Hilary nodded, retrieving a syringe from her bag, and Felicity swallowed down the bile that threatened to come up.  She’d always hated needles.

“I’m going to go ahead and give you something for the pain,” Hilary told her, “They’re going to have to raise up the dashboard here so we can get you out, okay?  It’s going to be a few more minutes and then we’ll get you to the hospital.”

Felicity closed her eyes against a fresh wave of nausea.  She knew that the moment the weight of the car was removed from her legs, her body would be flooded with excruciating pain.  The prick of the needle made her flinch and then Hilary’s gloved hand was holding tight to hers.

“Take a deep breath, Felicity,” she urged, “I’m right here, just breathe through it, okay?”

Hilary crowded close to her, leaning over and covering Felicity’s body with her own as the firefighters and emergency workers set about freeing her from confinement.  As she’d predicted, the moment the pressure was off of her shins, a pain unlike anything she’d ever experienced wracked her body.  An agonized wail left her, filling the air around them, and tears slid unchecked down her cheeks.  She heard Hilary’s voice in her ear, heard the other woman’s words of support and encouragement, but the pain was too much to bear.  The last thing she registered before slipping back into unconsciousness was John Diggle’s voice calling her name.

_She shifted restlessly under the covers, kicking them off of her legs and wiggling away from Oliver just enough to allow the cool air of their bedroom to wash over her.  She was stifling and anxious and no matter how exhausted she was, sleep just wouldn’t come.  She couldn’t shut off the tickertape running through her mind.  Her eyes drifted to the clock on the nightstand.  Only seven more hours and they’d be saying goodbye again.  Sorrow twisted like a vine around her heart._

_“F’licity, why’re you still awake?” Oliver muttered, his words partially muffled by the pillow under his face._

_She sighed and rolled to face him, her hand coming up to rest against his cheek.  His eyes fluttered open._

_“I can’t stop thinking,” she whispered._

_His heavy arm fell across her hips and he dragged her back across the mattress until she was pressed to his chest.  She burrowed into him, relishing in the warmth he naturally gave off, knowing that she was facing months without it._

_“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?”_

_She shrugged, thankful that he couldn’t see the heat that colored her cheeks in that moment.  She’d been replaying a conversation that she’d had with her brother a few weeks prior, one that had taken place just days before they’d learned that they would be heading back to the war zone.  A conversation that she’d had with Tommy but had yet to have with Oliver._

_“I … do you – do you want to have a family, Oliver?”_

_He pressed his face to her shoulder and she found herself missing the scratchy stubble that normally dusted his jaw.  He’d shaved the scruff he usually sported as well as buzzed his head._

_“We have a family,” he replied, “You and me, Tommy and Thea.  We are a family.”_

_Tears welled in her eyes and she forced herself to speak around the lump in her throat._

_“That’s not what I meant and you know it.  Before we got married you said that you wanted to have kids, is that – is that still true?  You haven’t changed your mind, have you?”she questioned, her voice trembling, “Because I – I want kids, Oliver, babies of our own.”_

_He pressed a kiss to the slope of her neck before lifting his head and meeting her eyes.  He brushed his fingers through her hair._

_“I haven’t changed my mind, baby, but I’m leaving tomorrow – for lord knows how long – and I don’t think it’d be fair for you to be here raising a baby on your own.  Tommy and I are going to be gone, you’ll have Thea to worry about and we both know your dad won’t be any help,” he reasoned, “So why not wait until I get home from this tour?  I don’t want to miss the first couple years of our child’s life because I’m in the middle of a war, Felicity.  I want to be here.  I want to experience every moment with you.  Besides, we don’t exactly have time to try now…”_

_Her fingers trailed across his chest, tracing over a series of small scars that dotted his left pectoral and up to his shoulder._

_“But what happens when you come home?  You come home and we get pregnant and then all of a sudden new orders come in and they take you away again?  There’s never going to be any certainty, Oliver.”_

_“Unless I get out.”_

_Felicity’s eyes flashed to his and she didn’t bother trying to hide her surprise.  They’d been together for a long time, four years as a couple and a dozen more as friends, and in all that time, Oliver had only ever wanted to serve his country.  He’d hinted at a career after the military during their short trip to Hub City but he hadn’t brought it up since and Felicity had simply let the idea go._

_“Is that what you want?  You want out?”_

_He shrugged, “My contract will be up soon and I don’t think reenlistment is right for me, not this time.  I’m tired, baby.  I’m tired of leaving, of having to say goodbye.  I have options.  I know that this is all I’ve ever done but I can always find something else, even if it’s not the job with Kord Industries.  I hate that I’ve spent the last few years walking away, away from our family, from our home, from you.  I thought that this was the career that I wanted but every time they ask me to leave… I can’t do it anymore.  This is going to be my last tour.  When it’s over, I’m getting out.”_

_Silence settled heavily around them.  Oliver’s fingers moved over her back, across her shoulders and through her hair, and her eyes never left his face.  His blue eyes were nearly black in the dark of their bedroom.  Her heart ached as she studied him, as the realization that it would be months - likely years - before she saw him again came down on her.  The sting of tears burned her eyes again and she blinked, sending a few rolling down her cheeks._

_“Don’t cry, love,” he murmured, pressing his lips to her cheek, “It’s going to be alright.  I’ll be home before you know it and then we’ll finally be able to move on with our lives.”_

_She clutched him tighter._

_“Promise me that you’ll come back.  Please, Oliver, promise me you won’t come home in a body bag.  I need you to come back to me.”_

_He pulled her closer as her tears finally fell.  Saying goodbye was never easy, it always hurt, but there was a level of fear this time that she hadn’t felt before.  She couldn’t shake the thought that that moment, lying together in their bed, talking about the family that they’d yet to have, would be the last time that she would see her husband._

“Felicity?  Felicity, come on, kiddo.  Wake up.  Open your eyes for me.”

Her eyes slid open and she found John standing beside her bed.  The blinding fluorescent lights of her hospital room had been dimmed but it still took a few moments for the world around her to come into focus.  The memory of the accident barreled into her and she gasped, reaching for his arm.

“Where’s Oliver?  Is he alright?  John, please, where is he?”

He eased her back into her bed with a hand on her shoulder, fussing over her gently.

“He’s fine, Felicity.  Oliver’s going to be fine.  He just came out of surgery and the doctors are confident he’ll make a full recovery.”

“Surgery?  What – what happened?  How bad is it?”

She tried to sit up again but John wouldn’t allow it. 

“Felicity, please, lie back before you irritate your ribs.”

She did as her friend asked, easing back into the bed and setting a hand gingerly over her injured side.  She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing slowly through the steady throb in her muscles, before looking back to John worriedly.  He’d told her that Oliver was fine, had assured her that he’d make a full recovery, but she could see the barest hint of hesitation in his dark eyes.  He had bad news and he was putting off sharing it with her.

“What is it, John?  What happened?”

He sighed heavily and sat at the edge of her bed, picking up the hand that was closest to him.

“Felicity, the driver of the other vehicle, he –“

“Oh god, John, he… he’s dead?”

He nodded, “He is.  Honey, I … your dad, he – he was the other driver.  I’m sorry, Felicity, but Malcolm is dead.”

Everything in the room blurred suddenly and her heartbeat erupted in her chest, accompanied by a tightness that left Felicity gasping for air.

“Hey, hey, come on, Felicity, take a breath, calm down.”

She tried to do as John instructed but the monitor she was attached to made it evident that she wasn’t succeeding.  The door to her room opened suddenly and Nyssa swept in, her long dark hair knotted at the back of her head, and Felicity blinked up at her.

“It’s going to be alright, Felicity,” Nyssa assured her, slipping a thin tube over Felicity’s head before placing a cannula in her nose. 

The added oxygen helped lessen the pressure in her chest and Felicity reached for Nyssa’s hand.

“My d-dad.”

Nyssa nodded, “I know.  I’m so sorry.  Would you like me to get Moira and Robert?  They’re in the waiting room with Thea.  They’ve been waiting to see you.”

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and allowing only a few tears to escape.

“No, please, I – I don’t want to see them just yet.  Can you… will you just tell them that I’m sleeping?  Please?”

John gave her hand a quick squeeze.

“I’ll go talk to them,” he told her, “You get some rest.  Lyla and I will come by tomorrow, alright?”

“Thank you.”

She kept her eyes closed even as she felt Nyssa take a seat beside her.  The door clicked shut behind John and she took a stuttering breath.

“Tell me the truth, how is he?  Oliver, he’s … he’s going to be okay?”

Nyssa, a woman whom she’d know for most of her life, was smiling down at her when she finally opened her eyes.  Oliver’s cousin brushed a loose tendril of hair from Felicity’s cheek, tucking it behind her ear.

“He’s going to be fine.  His injuries were serious but not life threatening.  Doctor Bowen is a very talented surgeon, he won’t even have a new scar.  They’ll be moving him into a private room as soon as he’s out of post-op.”

Relief swept through her.  She knew that Nyssa wouldn’t lie to her.  She cared too much about them, both of them, to sugarcoat anything serious.  And she was a doctor down to her bones.  The woman loved her job, loved caring for people, and she was absolutely the best at it.  Felicity trusted her implicitly.

“And … and me?  I mean, all of this… it’s nothing that won’t heal, right?”

Nyssa nodded, “You’re going to be fine.  Sore for a few weeks, but you were incredibly lucky.  Felicity… there’s something else.”

There was something in Nyssa’s dark eyes that Felicity couldn’t quite name.  It looked awfully close to excitement which, to her muddled mind, made absolutely no sense.  They’d been in an accident that could’ve been far worse than it was.  She’d lost her father but she could’ve lost Oliver, too.  It sounded like they would both walk away relatively unscathed.

“W-what is it?”

Her grin widened and her fingers tightened around Felicity’s.

“You’re pregnant.”

The blood that rushed to her ears in that moment was deafening.  _Pregnant._ She was pregnant.  For years she’d dreamed of the moment when she heard those words, of seeing those two little lines only to have her doctor confirm it.  She’d imagined so many times how it would feel to realize that they would finally have a child of their own.  They had Thea, of course.  She was theirs and Felicity loved her niece more than anything in the world.  But there was something so intrinsic in her desire to have a child with her husband.  She’d known from the first moment Oliver told her that he loved her that he would be the father of her future children.  She’d never been able to imagine having a family with anyone else.  But lying in the hospital, recovering from wounds she’d suffered in the accident that had taken her father’s life, hadn’t exactly been the scenario she’d imagined.

“Felicity?  Are you alright?” Nyssa asked, “I can see that that’s is not at all what you were expecting.  You’re only about five weeks along.”

She shook her head dazedly, “I – I had no idea… I mean, we haven’t … Obviously, we’ve been… oh my god.  Are you sure?”

Nyssa laughed, “The blood tests don’t lie.  You are mostly definitely pregnant.”

The urge to laugh along with Oliver’s cousin was at war with her urge to cry as pure joy washed over her.  But the joy was suddenly replaced with worry.  Were they ready for a baby?  Would Oliver be happy?  Things were just beginning to fall into place, their lives slowly going back to normal, and this was the other shoe that she’d been expecting to drop.  A baby would change everything.

“Wh – when can I see him?” she asked.

Nyssa released her hand and stood.

“I’ll send someone in to take you to him as soon as possible,” she confirmed, “Once he’s moved into his own room.  It shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours.”

Felicity squeezed her eyes shut, her pulse thrumming happily in her veins, and imagined a little girl with her golden curls and her husband’s sapphire eyes.  An excited giggle escaped her.

“Congratulations, Felicity.”

She smiled up at Nyssa, “Thank you.  So much.  I …”

“I’m just glad you’re both okay.  Are you sure you don’t want me to send in Aunt Moira and Uncle Robert?  They’ll be relieved to see you awake.  Sara’s waiting with them, as well.”

Felicity shook her head, “No.  I – Not yet.  I just need a little time.”

“Of course.  Let me know if you need anything, alright?”

She watched Nyssa back out of the room, pulling the door shut quietly behind her.  When she was finally alone, the first of her tears began to fall.  A baby.  They were having a baby.  She wanted more than anything to tell him, to see the elation in his eyes, the pride.  She couldn’t wait to tell their friends and their family.  Thea.  Thea would be so happy to have a little brother or sister.  Another giggle escaped her and before she could get it under control, Felicity found herself in a fit of laughter. 

Fate had served them another curve ball and as unexpected as it was, she was absolutely looking forward to swinging at it.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so this is it. The final chapter – don’t worry, there’s an epilogue – I can’t believe we’re here already. I have to, of course, thank all of you who have taken the time to read this fic and who have left such kind comments. You’ve all been amazing since the very beginning and I greatly appreciate it! Also, to my incredible beta westernbeauty, you are the best support a girl could ask for. Thank you so much for everything!

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

She sat in a wheelchair at Oliver’s bedside.  They’d come for her less than an hour after Nyssa had told her about the baby, telling her that Oliver had been moved into his room and that she was welcome to sit with him until he woke up.  They’d insisted on the wheelchair and even though she’d wanted to fight them on it, she didn’t have it in her.  All that had mattered was that someone was taking her to Oliver.  She wouldn’t have cared if she’d had to let John carrier her.

“Come on, baby,” she whispered, lifting their joined hands to press her lips to his knuckles, “Please wake up.  Everyone keeps telling me that you’re going to be okay, that it’s just going to take a little time, but I need to hear your voice.  Come back to me, Oliver.  Please.”

He didn’t stir.  The wires protruding from the collar of his hospital gown led to a heart monitor that indicated that the muscle was still beating and she watched his chest rise and fall with each breath that he took.  She’d met his surgeon, Dr. Carter Bowen, and the man had assured her, repeatedly, that Oliver was perfectly fine.  He was simply heavily sedated, the anesthesia he’d been given would work its way through his system and he’d wake up in time. 

The majority of Oliver’s injuries were superficial, much like her own, but they’d discovered internal bleeding in his abdomen.  Dr. Bowen had explained that, in the accident, the impact of the steering wheel into Oliver’s stomach had caused a tear that resulted in the bleed.  They’d been able to repair the damage and he would recover.  For now, all she could do was wait.

“I’ve got something really important to tell you.  It’s really, really important so I need you to wake up, okay?  You can’t leave me, not now.  They keep telling me that you’re going to be fine but until you open your eyes, I … I just need you to wake up.”

The door to his room opened and Nyssa smiled at her.

“I went to check on you and Emily mentioned she’d brought you down here.  How are you feeling?”

Felicity shrugged, “I’ll be better when he wakes up.”

Nyssa nodded, picking up Oliver’s chart and scanning it quickly.

“Everything looks perfectly acceptable.  He’s just sleeping off the anesthesia.  It shouldn’t be too much longer.  You really should go back to your room, Felicity.  You should be resting.”

“Then move me in here because I’m not leaving him.”

She sighed and replaced the chart.  Stepping up behind Felicity’s wheelchair, Nyssa set her hands on her shoulders.

“You do realize that I could simply wheel you back to your own room.”

Felicity huffed, “You wouldn’t dare.”

Nyssa unlocked the brake that kept the wheelchair in place and began to back her away from Oliver’s bed.  She squeaked, making a frantic grab for the rail, and grunted at the dull stab of pain in her ribs.  Nyssa stopped immediately, crouching at her side.

“Are you alright?” she asked, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think that you would –“

She shook her head, “No, no, it’s not your fault.  I didn’t think, I just reacted.  But I’m fine, I’m okay.”

Her ribs were screaming at her, a direct contradiction to what she’d told Nyssa, but she didn’t want to leave Oliver.  If she let on how much pain she was really in, she knew Nyssa would insist she go back to her bed.

His cousin, Felicity’s friend, sighed and gave her a look that clearly said she wasn’t buying into her bullshit.

“I will see what I can do about getting you moved into the room with him.  Just try not to move around too much, alright?  You really should be resting but I can understand why you’re reluctant to let him out of your sight.”

Felicity waited until Nyssa exited the room before wheeling herself carefully forward, inching closer to Oliver’s bedside and reaching for his hand again.  She wound her fingers with his and gasped in surprised when his calloused thumb brushed over the back of her hand.  Her eyes flew to his face.

“Oliver?”

He hummed, rolling his head towards her, and struggled to open his eyes.

“F’licity?”

She bit back the relieved sob that wanted to break free, tightening her grip on his hand.  It was obvious that he was still groggy, that he was fighting the remnants of the anesthesia, but he kept his eyes on her and his fingers locked with hers. 

“Hi, love,” she whispered, her voice hoarse with unshed tears, “Hey.  I’m so happy you’re awake.  How – how do you feel?”

His chest worked as he took a slow breath, squeezing his eyes shut for just a moment before meeting her gaze again.  It was clear that he was confused, that he was working through the muddied events in his mind and trying to figure out what exactly had happened to them.

“There was an – an explosion,” he groaned, clearing his throat before continuing, “Palmer, Snart, Harper and … and Darkh.  What happened to them?”

Her breath caught in her throat, “Is that the last thing that you remember, Oliver?  The explosion in the village?”

One shoulder lifted in a shrug and he winced, a small noise of discomfort forcing its way past his lips.  She clutched his hand fiercely.

“How lo – long have I been here?  In the hospital?  We’re stateside?”

She swallowed hard, “We are.  Oliver… honey, we’re in Star City.  We were in a car accident last night on our way home from the John and Lyla’s.  The explosion was six months ago.”

The heart monitor beeped steadily, the rhythm getting faster by the minute, and she forced herself to stand, leaning over him.  She pressed her hand to his cheek.

“Hey, shh, just breathe, baby.  It’s alright.  You’re okay.  I’ll tell you everything that you need to know but I need you to calm down,” she insisted, “Nyssa’s going to barge in here any minute and make me leave if you don’t settle.  Come on, you don’t want me to leave, right?”

One corner of his mouth pulled up in a grimace that she was sure was supposed to be a smirk and he closed his eyes again, focusing on his breathing until the beeping slowed and his heart rate lowered.

“I couldn’t remember you,” he said after a long stretch of silence, “Harper, he – he lost his leg in the explosion.  Palmer and Darkh, they didn’t make it.  We were buried in the rubble for hours before anyone found us.  My injuries were serious enough that they sent me to our hospital in Germany… that’s where I learned that I was married.  They sent me home after that, back to the States but I – I couldn’t remember you.”

She nodded, chewing her lip as she waited for him to continue.

“What happened after I … after I got back to Star City is sort of disjointed.”

Felicity shook her head, “It’s not important.  All that matters is that you’re home and you – you remember.”

His free hand touched her cheek, wiping away the tears she hadn’t realized were falling.

“Are you alright?”

She smiled, “I’m so much better than alright, Oliver.  I love you.”

“I love you, too, Felicity.”

The door opened again, startling them both, and Felicity turned to see Nyssa stepping back into the room.

“Felicity, I –“

She paused at the sight of Oliver, awake and smiling.

“Hey Nyssa.”

“Oliver, it’s so good to see you awake and alert.  Felicity was very concerned and would not listen to her doctor’s advice.  She refused to leave your side.”

Felicity rolled her eyes, “Oh please, I’m fine.  Better than, actually.  Nyssa, he remembers.”

Nyssa looked between them, her dark eyes wide, before settling on Oliver.

“You remember what, exactly?” she asked.

He gave her the abridged version, never letting go of Felicity’s hand as he recounted what he could of the months since the explosion.  It wasn’t much, she realized.  The details of the time that they’d spent together since he’d returned home were hazy but there and she knew that, given time, he’d remember the rest.

“I think that maybe we should talk to Dr. Williams, she’s our head of neurology.  I’m sure she will have a lot to say about this… recovery.”

Felicity frowned, “You’re surprised?  I mean, obviously, it’s startling but… but all of the research that I’ve done in the last few weeks has said that a second injury could result in the reversal of the first.  Are you – are you saying that you don’t believe that this is … that it’s permanent?”

Nyssa sighed, stepping closer and setting a comforting hand on Felicity’s shoulder.

“I don’t believe that I said any of that.  I’m simply suggesting that we need to let a specialist evaluate Oliver’s scans.  They’ll order an MRI and a CT.  We just need to make sure that we cover all of our bases, alright?  I will go get Dr. Williams and bring her up to speed.  We’ll be back shortly.”

The door closed a moment later and she and Oliver were alone once again.  Concern filled her, sending her pulse skittering and her mind on a tangent.  Whatever the neurologist had to say, it didn’t matter.  She had her husband back.  He remembered her.  He loved her.  Everything was going to be fine.  But, she wondered, what if it wasn’t?  What if they only learned that this recovery was only temporary?  What if – what if it all faded and he woke up one morning right back where they started?  With no memory of her and the life that they’d built?  What would happen if he woke up one morning with no idea who she was or that she was the mother of his child?  She would be devastated.

“Felicity?”

She blinked at him through the haze of tears and tried to smile.  The look of surprise on his face caused her expression to falter. 

“I – I said that all out loud, huh?”

He nodded once and waited.  She had to look away for a moment to gather her emotions before a genuine smile tugged at her lips.

“Oliver, sweetheart, I’m pregnant.”

He stared at her and the silence that surrounded them was heavy.  She’d expected him to be happy, excited, especially now that his memory had come back, so the hesitation she was facing stung.

“Oliver?  Are you… can you say something?  Please?”

“I just – I don’t… Felicity, I don’t remember everything.  I mean, you’re pregnant.  Does that… is it mine?”

She reeled back in her chair, her fingers flexing around his, and her breath stuck in her throat.

“Of course it’s yours.  I would – I would never…”

Tears stung her eyes.  She swallowed around the boulder that was suddenly lodged in her throat.  Oliver’s gaze burned where it was locked on her face and his palm was cold and damp against hers.  Of all of the things that she’d expected him to ask, his question had caught her completely off guard.  She felt as if she’d been punched in the gut.

“I know that this is a lot to take in,” she muttered, “I - I know you must be confused and probably overwhelmed.  I understand that, Oliver.  But you have to know that I would never… you are the only man that I have ever loved, Oliver Queen, and when we said our vows seven years ago, I promised to stand by you in sickness and in health and I’ve never, _never,_ broken that promise.  I get that this all must be surreal for you.  I know that you only remember bits and pieces of the last few weeks but when you first came home, when your mom told me about the amnesia, that you – you didn’t know me… Jesus, Oliver!  I thought that that was it.  I thought that I’d lost you.  But you – you were persistent.  Once you found out that we were married you –“

“You told me.  In the cemetery.  The anniversary of Tommy’s death.”

His voice cut through her outburst.

“I did.”

“I was so fucking angry.  At my mom, at the doctors, at everyone who tried to keep me away from you.  Everyone who thought that keeping us apart was … was doing me some kind of favor.”

She choked on a gasp, nodding.

“They tried to keep it a secret, all of it, which was just stupid if you ask me.  But I – I did tell you, Oliver.  I told you because the idea of having you home in Star City and not _at home_ with me was unthinkable.”

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily.  The hand he had wrapped around hers tugged her forward gently until she was close enough that she could rest her head on his shoulder.  He turned and pressed his face to the top of her head.

“I’m sorry.”

She nodded, kissing his shoulder.

“It’s alright.”

“It’s not but thank you.  We … we’re really having a baby?”

Felicity raised her head, smiling at his somewhat bewildered expression.  She brought her free hand to his face and smoothed her fingers across her brow.

“Yeah, we really are.”

The air rushed from his lungs as he stared at her with wide eyes.

“Wow.”

Felicity laughed, happy tears blurring her vision.

“I know, right?”

A quick rap on the door signaled yet another interruption.  Felicity sighed and called for their visitor to enter.  She wasn’t surprised when Moira and Robert crossed the threshold.

“Oh Oliver!”

His mother rushed to his side – the one that Felicity wasn’t currently occupying – and bent to press a kiss to his cheek.  Robert stepped up behind her wheelchair, his hands finding her shoulders, and she sent a watery smile to her father-in-law.

“Mom, please, I’m okay,” Oliver grumbled as his mother fussed over him.

“Are you sure?” Moira asked, “Nyssa wouldn’t tell us much, just that you were awake.  She said it in a way, though, I thought…”

Moira’s eyes traveled between the two of them.  Felicity knew that she could sense something was different, that she could probably see it on both of their faces, but she shook her head and looked to Oliver.  It was his news to share.

“I remember, Mom.”

His confession was followed by a round of concerned questioning.  She let Oliver take the lead, simply holding onto his hand as he explained what little they knew to his parents.  Her mind wandered to the other bit of news that they needed to share, to the child growing inside of her.  There was no question that his parents would have been happy to welcome another grandchild into their lives.  They’d treated Thea as family from the moment she was born, accepting her as if she belonged biologically. They had – not so subtly – hinted at Oliver and Felicity having children of their own over the years.  She’d had no doubt that they would be thrilled.  But that had been before.  Before Oliver returned to Star City with amnesia, before they’d fought to keep them apart.  His memories had come back, sure, but with a brain injury like his there were no certainties.  Nyssa’s neurologist could walk into that room and tell them that the memories he’d recovered were only temporary, that he could wake up one day, ten days down the road, and revert right back to where he’d been.  Ten days, ten months, ten years.  There were no certainties and while she was prepared to face whatever life decided to hand them in the future, she didn’t think that Robert and Moira would feel the same way.

“Do you need anything?” Moira was asking, “We can bring you both a change of clothes and anything else that you need from home.”

“That would be great, Mom, thank you.  Clothes, toothbrushes, that kind of stuff.”

Felicity nodded as he spoke, “And Thea.  Please.  I’d really like to see her.  I – I want to make sure she’s alright.  Was she… did she panic?”

Robert sighed, giving her a short nod.

“There was a moment… but she’s alright.  Nyssa sat down and talked to her, assured her that you were both going to be fine, and hearing it from her favorite aunt, who happens to be a wonderful doctor, seemed to soothe her.  Sara took her home a little while ago to get some sleep.”

“Thank you both, again, for taking care of her.”

Robert squeezed her shoulder gently.

“You never have to thank us, Felicity.  She’s our granddaughter and we will always be here for her.  For all of you.”

Her gaze flickered to Oliver.  He looked back at her with a knowing smile.  He didn’t tell his parents about the baby, even though it was the perfect opportunity, and she was grateful.  She was looking forward to telling everyone, to sharing their happy news, but they needed to have a conversation about everything first.  A longer one, one that focused on their family and their future.  She was happy to know that they seemed to be on the same page.

“Felicity, about Malcolm, we –“ Moira began.

She shook her head, “Don’t, please, I – I’m not ready to talk about it.  Not yet.  Right now I want to focus on getting both Oliver and myself healthy enough to go home.”

“Of course, dear.  Are you sure there isn’t anything else that either of you need?”

She and Oliver shared a glance before he shook his head.

“No, Mom, but thank you.  Why don’t you guys head home and we’ll see you in the morning with Thea?  Felicity needs to sleep.”

She snorted, “Yeah right.  You’re way worse off than I am.  You’re the one who needs to sleep.”

Oliver chuckled, his eyes bright with mirth, and she grinned at him.

They said goodnight to his parents and watched as they left the room, the door falling shut behind them.  As soon as they were out of sight, she stood on shaky legs and climbed into Oliver’s bed.  He wrapped an arm around her the moment she was settled.

“We’ll tell them later,” she murmured, suddenly overcome with exhaustion, “Soon.  But later.  For now I… I’d like to just enjoy it, you know?  Just you and me.  Well, and Nyssa because she’s my doctor.  But no one else.”

“Is everything alright?  You’re okay?”

She nodded, “I’m fine, Oliver.  I promise.  Are we okay?”

He pressed a kiss into her hair.

“Of course.  We’re better than okay.  You’re right.  We’ll tell them later.”

**The End**


	26. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last time, I just want to send a huge thank you out to each and every one of you for taking the time to read this. To everyone who left a comment or kudos on AO3 or Fanfiction, who took the time to like or reblog on Tumblr. Thank you thank you. You’ve all been so amazing!

**Epilogue**

Felicity woke with a start, the echoing sounds of metal on metal fading as the nightmare left her.  Glancing at the nightstand, she stared at the baby monitor for a long moment, waiting for some sign that her little girl needed her.  But when it remained silent, she wondered what had woken her.  She turned and found Oliver’s side of the bed empty.  Sitting up, she swung her legs over the edge and reached for the t-shirt that her husband had shed the night before.

She crept out into the hall and peeked into Thea’s room.  She was sprawled out in bed, her small body somehow occupying every inch of her twin sized mattress, and she shook her head.  Thea was turning into her father in so many ways and Felicity couldn’t have been happier about it.  Closing her door gently, she headed for the nursery. 

The room was empty, the soft lilac walls and white furniture cast in shadow as moonlight broke through the blinds.  It had been a point of conflict in their lives for nearly three months, which room of their home would belong to their baby girl, and she sighed.  The moment they’d discovered the sex of their unborn child, Oliver had gone into overdrive.  He’d started clearing out Tommy’s room, moving the furniture and his belongings into the garage and attic, before prepping the walls for fresh paint.  And she’d had an emotional breakdown that evening when she’d come home from Verdant to find no trace of her brother left in their home.  The resulting fight had been loud and long, resulting in a lot of slammed doors, and had left her completely drained. 

In the end, she knew that Oliver was right.  There’d been no other choice, no place for their daughter to go, and even though he had tried repeatedly to convince her that Tommy would’ve been happy to give up his room for his niece, the words hadn’t lessened the ache in her heart.  She’d been reluctant to let go of the last physical reminder of her brother until Thea, with all of her eleven year old wisdom, solved the problem for them.  They’d been sitting around the dinner table one evening, Felicity with silent tears pooled in her eyes, when Thea had offered to move into Tommy’s room so that the baby could have her room.  That way, as she’d explained, they wouldn’t have to change anything.  They wouldn’t have to paint or remove the pictures or even the furniture.  The baby would have Thea’s room and Thea would take Tommy’s room where she could feel a little closer to her dad.  They’d let her keep her bed, deciding that the king sized bed Tommy’d shoved in the room was a little too big for her, but everything else had gone back into the room.

Felicity smiled, pulling the door to the nursery closed behind her and reminding herself that she owed Thea ice-cream every night for the rest of her life if that’s what she wanted.  She wasn’t sure how they’d gotten so lucky to have such an incredible kid in their lives but she and Oliver were both so thankful for her every moment of every day.

Moving quietly down the stairs, her eyes caught each new photo that had been hung on the wall.  Photos of their daughter in her arms or Thea’s or Oliver’s had popped up all over the house.  She was spoiled, there was no doubt about it, but not only by her parents.  Thea had adapted to the role of big sister with ease and each time Felicity saw the two of them together, she couldn’t help but think that their family had come together perfectly.

It was then that she realized the date, the realization causing her steps to falter.

Exactly one year had passed since the car accident that had killed her father and, at the same time, returned her husband to her.  One year to the day since she’d discovered she was pregnant.  Looking back, the changes in the lives were staggering.  Oliver was mostly himself again.  There were still some things that he couldn’t remember, some small things, others more significant.  But she’d taken to simply reminding him and moving on.  His memory of the months after the bombing returned slowly, each new detail more frustrating than the last as he learned that, of all people, she had been the one that he’d forgotten.  And he’d spent months trying to make it up to her even after she’d insisted – resorting more than once to using her loud voice – that it wasn’t necessary.  He wasn’t at fault, no one was, and all she had ever wanted was for him to come back to her.  And he had.

She found them in the living room.

Bundled up in the middle of her father’s chest, Tamsyn Lucille Queen snored softly.  Oliver’s hand cradling her back was nearly as big as she was and the sight of them made Felicity smile.  She’d wondered for years what type of father he would be.  He was an excellent husband, loving and kind, supportive and loyal, romantic but strong.  She had hoped that he would be an even better father, if that was possible, and Oliver had gone above and beyond.  At just four months old, Tamsyn had her daddy wrapped around her teeny little finger.  She was by his side as much as humanly possible, Oliver not relinquishing his baby girl to anyone unless it was absolutely necessary, and certainly not without a fight.  She hadn’t had to worry about how much help he’d be once they brought her home from the hospital.  She hadn’t once had to wake him to help with the baby because, most nights, he beat her to it.

Tamsyn stirred, whimpering softly, and Felicity reached for her, extricating her from Oliver’s arms and rocking her as she began to fuss.  She settled into the armchair opposite the couch and worked quickly to free her arm from the t-shirt she wore, pulling it halfway off before adjusting the baby in her arms and bringing her to her breast.  Now a pro at breastfeeding, Tamsyn latched on easily, her bright blue eyes slipping closed almost immediately.

“That’s what you wanted, huh?” she murmured, running her fingers along her daughter’s little arms, “Always so hungry.”

Oliver sat up then, blinking the sleep from his eyes as he watched them.  Felicity smiled at him.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“How long have you two been down here?”

He shrugged, moving from the couch to the arm of the chair she sat in.  He bent to press his lips to the top of her head.

“Not long, an hour or so.  I couldn’t sleep and when I stopped in to check on her she was just lying there, wide awake and staring up at the ceiling.”

They stayed that way for a long moment, the only sound filling the room was that of Tamsyn suckling.  Soon, though, the suckling was replaced with soft snores and Oliver took their daughter into his arms as Felicity fixed her shirt.  She followed him from the room, her small hands hanging onto his hips as they made their way up the stairs.  Together they placed Tamsyn back into her crib, Oliver winding up her mobile while Felicity leaned in to kiss her cheek, before making their way back into their bedroom.

Oliver climbed into his side of the bed before she slipped beneath the covers, her body immediately seeking the comfort of his.

“Felicity?”

“Hmm?”

Her eyes were so heavy she could hardly keep them open.

“How long until we can have another one?”

She snickered, shaking her head and pinching his side playfully.  Her lips brushed along his jaw when she answered.

“Can we maybe get this one out of diapers first?  I mean, she’s only four months old.”

He sighed dramatically, “I suppose that would be alright.

She laughed again, trailing her lips across his stubbled cheek and seeking out his mouth.  He kissed her fervently, both arms winding around her waist and drawing her closer.

“Seriously though, do you want another baby?” he questioned, his breath somewhat ragged as he nuzzled her ear, “Because I think that we should have as many kids as we can while we can.”

She rolled her eyes, “Well considering that I’m the one that has to carrier those babies around in my belly for nine months, I’m going to have to pump the brakes on that idea.  At least for a little while.  Let me rest before we start trying for the next one, okay?  We’ve got plenty of time to have a couple more, Oliver.”

They lay tangled up in one another for a long time, neither of them willing to let sleep take hold.

“Oliver?”

“Hmm?”

She sighed happily, inhaling the scent of his skin and confessed quietly.

“I love you and… and the more I see you with her, with that sweet baby girl that we made together, the more that love grows.  I don’t know if I could possibly love you anymore that I do right now.”

Oliver’s fingers twisted in her hair as he angled her face to his and pressed a hard kiss to her lips.

“I love you, too, baby, always,” he whispered, “But I think I could maybe make you love me just a little more.”

He rolled, taking her with him, and pinned her to the mattress.  She gasped, giggling, until he kissed her again and stole the air from her lungs.

And he was right.  In that moment she did love him just a little more.

 


End file.
